Anyone else ever feel just, plain sad that they got divorced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

now that whole world is gone, like it never happened. We are never going to open Christmas presents again, take a vacation, plan our kid's wedding together...

Friends and family tell me I will get over it, move on, but you cannot carve away knowing someone 17 years of your life as if it never happened. What do you do?

I share your melancholy, it's deep. I could not live with my ex any longer because though we had a good time when we weren't at odds, the fights were unbearable and six years of counseling solved absolutely nothing. Now, 14 months after he moved out, I am pining for the life we had with the kids, and feel utterly bereft. He was my best friend and confidant when times were good, and I will never find that again. I rely on antidepressants to get past this, but it doesn't seem to go away. If only we could talk to each other about what's going on in our jobs, who he's dating, etc.. I'm not jealous at all and would not go back to the bitterness, but I just miss him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not married, but getting married in a year. How do you not know that you two are so different before marriage?

It's not that you don't know. You know. You just can't realize how those differences can create rifts as you get older and have been together longer. Kids also throw a huge wrench into things because everyone approaches that differently and it can really cause conflict in a marriage. You would do best to read and take to heart what you read here and not pretend you've got it all figured out when you aren't married yet. You will be amazed how different your relationship will be even 5 years into marriage once so many other factors come into play.

This.

This is such a profound observation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:50% of divorce people regret divorcing.
20% of those reconcile.

So, you feelings are normal. Breaking a bond with another person is not easy and it should not be.

Your spouse has seemed to move on though, it would be good for you to move forward also.

Imagine finding a loving partner that helps you plan your children's weddings. Imagine vacations with your children and your grandchildren.

It can be a great life, just not the one you envisioned so replace your vision with a new one.

Where did you get that crazy statistic? Free at last, Free at last! Many are thrilled to be done with their ex!

50%

[Anonymous]

Not really. I don't think my ex is a terrible person, but we just weren't compatible with each other. We are both better off on our own. I feel sad that our family is no longer intact for DS, but the marriage just wasn't working out and DH and I were both just so unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

now that whole world is gone, like it never happened. We are never going to open Christmas presents again, take a vacation, plan our kid's wedding together...

Friends and family tell me I will get over it, move on, but you cannot carve away knowing someone 17 years of your life as if it never happened. What do you do?

I share your melancholy, it's deep. I could not live with my ex any longer because though we had a good time when we weren't at odds, the fights were unbearable and six years of counseling solved absolutely nothing. Now, 14 months after he moved out, I am pining for the life we had with the kids, and feel utterly bereft. He was my best friend and confidant when times were good, and I will never find that again. I rely on antidepressants to get past this, but it doesn't seem to go away. If only we could talk to each other about what's going on in our jobs, who he's dating, etc.. I'm not jealous at all and would not go back to the bitterness, but I just miss him.

The truth is the grass is always greener. One of the reasons I'm not getting divorced. There's no guarantee I will be any happier and most likely, will not be. As long as I enjoy spending time with my husband most of the time and he's my friend I won't be getting divorced. Of course baring any abuse.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone else understand that the long-winded poster with the one-sentence paragraphs is a male? An angry, frustrated probably "Christian" one, with an unhappy sex life who is quick to blame others? I'm reaching a bit here but I'm probably also correct that he plans to vote for Trump and routinely honks at other drivers to scold them and Teach Them a Lesson

[Anonymous]

Right on, PP. and definitely anger management issues.

[Anonymous]

I'm separating, likely headed to divorce. Been together 20 years, married almost 12. The overwhelming feeling I have is sadness and I think I'll always feel that way. I would not ever have chosen to leave the marriage, and I think it was fixable. But my husband feels differently, so here we are. I will always mourn the loss of the good times and the loss of a two parent household for our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I loved my husband. There was a lot great about us. He cheated. The lies and betrayal hurt. He decided he could not be faithful and did not want to be married. I am often sad for the marriage we had before the cheating and the marriage we might have had without it.

This ! My ex POS DW left for another woman. Made sure every bridge was burned in the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not married, but getting married in a year. How do you not know that you two are so different before marriage?

Oh boy, are you in for a ride.

[Anonymous]

I regret that my divorce was necessary. But it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well sure. It's hard to fail at something so major in life.

Most therapists will try to tell you that a divorce is not a failure.

Divorce was probably my life's greatest triumph.

Getting married to my ex was the terrible failure in the first place.

It's not always easy though, but it's a new chance to find happiness. For that, I'm incredibly grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not married, but getting married in a year. How do you not know that you two are so different before marriage?

People change.

By the time I got divorced, nearly 20 years after marriage, my ex was completely unrecognizable from the man I married.

Be careful before you judge anyone, given that you're not even married!

[Anonymous]

Yes. If I could do it over again, I would work harder to stay married.

[Anonymous]

Man here,

I found pics and sexting. My ex-wife was planning to physically cheat with a friend from high school. I feel sad on occasion when I think about losing my best friend. I remember events from our marriage very vividly. All around me, I see incomplete manifestations of the dreams we had for our life together.

It saddens me at times, but I know that I made the right decision in getting divorced.