Do I move out w/ the baby or stay here in hell? Which is worse for an inevitable divorce?

[Anonymous]

Because the property is in a different state, you need a lawyer before moving there. You could take a weekend or week with the baby to visit family or something, which wouldn't count against you and may help you clear your head.

Emotional abuse is documented with journals and diaries, as long as it's dated. It's extremely difficult to prove, but remember that throwing things, punching the wall durin an argument, and someone making you fear your physical safety (with threatening postures, etc) is physical abuse even if they don't hit you. Keep track of those things in your diary, and take pictures, with date and time stamp if you can.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

8:31 here. Couples counseling does not work when there is abuse. Don't do it. Individual counseling for you is a good idea though.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the tips. I have been in individual counseling for some time now, and it has been helpful. This is a long road ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to an attorney. People get weird during a divorce...and things they said they were fine with get brought up against you. Close but crossing state lines could be a problem...or at least used against you. If you can document the past abuse, would you be able to get a restraining order (or something to prove you left to protect your child)?

[Anonymous]

Sorry you are going through this OP.
If you decide to move out on your attorney's advice, make sure to take pictures of the property you are leaving just in case you DH damages it out of anger.

[Anonymous]

OP, the way to document each episode is to call the police every single time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:See any attorney before you do anything. Not doing it can cost you so very much.

Understand that you and your husband will still be parenting together. Adding animosity is not going to help you. Talk to an attorney and then consider calmly talking about getting a divorce with him.

Abuse that is difficult to document and happened years ago is pretty useless in court. Everyone says that in a divorce.

The best thing you can possibly do for yourself or your child is to let go of any anger and try to handle this amicably, or, at least without any emotion. Just the facts. Accusations and drama are only going to make it harder.

OP please consider contacting the House of Ruth, the Jewish Coalition Against Domestic Abuse (JCADA), or other organization that supports and provides services for women leaving an abusive relationship. It really bothers me that people here are telling you that no one will believe you. The best people in a position to tell you your rights in this type of situation are people who have experience with these issues. My sister is exiting an abusive relationship and people believe her despite her lack of what a lay person would deem "evidence of abuse." I sought advice on behalf of my sister before she separated and obtained a protection from abuse order. The advice was invaluable. I saw that one poster noted that counseling is not recommended where there is domestic abuse and that is excellent advice. The other advice we received was to make sure you hire an excellent attorney that is experienced in high conflict divorce or divorce involving domestic abuse. My sister followed that advice and it was excellent advice. Her attorney understands how to deal with her abusive passive-aggressive one minute, raging lunatic another minute soon to be ex.

My sister no longer lives with her husband and while her divorce has been challenging she is so much calmer, peaceful, and happy. Her kids are doing better too. I wish you the best of luck.

[Anonymous]

I know it sucks OP, but if you want any stake in the current home, it's best to stay where you are now.

Once you leave this house, it would look like you had zero interest in it which may hurt you later on in the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Are you in Maryland? If so, go to the Family Justice Center in Rockville near the courthouse. They can advise you on legal issues regarding abuse and divorce including helping you file a restraining order and they also offer counseling.