Should you ever tell other parents when you learn their kids are into hard drugs?

[Anonymous]

Depends which drugs. Extremely dangerous, like heroin, yes. But coke, probably not.

[Anonymous]

Don't bother. In college they will do even more drugs than ever, so even if you could stop it now temporarily, it will resume later this year and your daughter will have had a whole lot of unwanted drama. So, lost cause. You focus on her.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am so torn about this. As a mom, I would absolutely want to know. But it's hard. Some kids are 18, some are 17. If I had a relationship with the parents or knew this information first hand, I would not hesitate to tell them. But this is my adult daughter confiding in me about kids and families that I don't really know. If the danger were absolute, like suicide, I would also tell. But drug experimentation - although dangerous and illegal - is in a different category, I think, which is why i am hesitating.

I am thinking maybe an anonymous note is the way to go, just to encourage these parents to be more vigilant. Thoughts? If you were on the receiving end of an anonymous note about your kids - without any proof - how would you react?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am so torn about this. As a mom, I would absolutely want to know. But it's hard. Some kids are 18, some are 17. If I had a relationship with the parents or knew this information first hand, I would not hesitate to tell them. But this is my adult daughter confiding in me about kids and families that I don't really know. If the danger were absolute, like suicide, I would also tell. But drug experimentation - although dangerous and illegal - is in a different category, I think, which is why i am hesitating.

I am thinking maybe an anonymous note is the way to go, just to encourage these parents to be more vigilant. Thoughts? If you were on the receiving end of an anonymous note about your kids - without any proof - how would you react?

I agree and I have setup an anonymous email account that I have used a couple of times to tell people things that I would not want to tell them in person / have it trace back to me. In one case it was a friends wife that I found was having an affair. Send a simple short email:

To X

From Anonymous

I am sending you an anonymous email to tell you that your child is using hard drugs. Have him tested and it will confirm that this is the case. If you want to ignore this then delete this email and nothing further will be done, your choice. I don't want to drag other people / my family into your family life so please do not attempt to contact me or ask me about this as if asked face to face I will lie and deny I know anything about the drug use or this email.

Regards

Anonymous

[Anonymous]

I would be very, very concerned ify daughter was hanging out with people who are experimenting with harscore drugs. What exactly do they have in common.
I would absolutely tell the parents. Maybe anonymously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends which drugs. Extremely dangerous, like heroin, yes. But coke, probably not.

Newsflash: remember Len Bias?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't bother. In college they will do even more drugs than ever, so even if you could stop it now temporarily, it will resume later this year and your daughter will have had a whole lot of unwanted drama. So, lost cause. You focus on her.

This. You don't want to jeopardize the relationship you have with your daughter. The chance of you exposing the heavy drug use and the parents handling it appropriately with no ugly fallout is pretty low.

Also, and this is very politically incorrect to say, but the parents likely have their heads in the sand and don't want to know. I cannot imagine one of my teenagers experimenting with coke and heroine and not having any idea. As the sister of an addict who has met many people through Nar-Anon, I can tell you that there is a lot of blaming the messenger that happens when this sort of thing comes to light.

If you expose this, don't necessarily expect receptive and appreciative parents, and be prepared to be part of whatever fallout ensues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't bother. In college they will do even more drugs than ever, so even if you could stop it now temporarily, it will resume later this year and your daughter will have had a whole lot of unwanted drama. So, lost cause. You focus on her.

This. You don't want to jeopardize the relationship you have with your daughter. The chance of you exposing the heavy drug use and the parents handling it appropriately with no ugly fallout is pretty low.

Also, and this is not a very politically incorrect to say, but the parents likely have their heads in the sand and don't want to know. I cannot imagine one of my teenagers experimenting with coke and heroine and not having any idea. As the sister of an addict who has met many people through Nar-Anon, I can tell you that there is a lot of blaming the messenger that happens when this sort of thing comes to light.

If you expose this, don't necessarily expect receptive and appreciative parents, and be prepared to be part of whatever fallout ensues.

[Anonymous]

I like the suggestion of sending something anonymously to the parents and then acting like it wasn't you.

[Anonymous]

Send an anonymous tip.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely tell. If there is a way to use an intermediary to protect your daughter's anonymity, such as through the school counselors office, I would do that. As a parent, I might be suspicious of an anonymous email, but at least you are letting them know to be vigilant.

And no, not everyone does hard drugs in college. That's a ridiculous reason to keep quiet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't bother. In college they will do even more drugs than ever, so even if you could stop it now temporarily, it will resume later this year and your daughter will have had a whole lot of unwanted drama. So, lost cause. You focus on her.

This. You don't want to jeopardize the relationship you have with your daughter. The chance of you exposing the heavy drug use and the parents handling it appropriately with no ugly fallout is pretty low.

Also, and this is very politically incorrect to say, but the parents likely have their heads in the sand and don't want to know. I cannot imagine one of my teenagers experimenting with coke and heroine and not having any idea. As the sister of an addict who has met many people through Nar-Anon, I can tell you that there is a lot of blaming the messenger that happens when this sort of thing comes to light.

If you expose this, don't necessarily expect receptive and appreciative parents, and be prepared to be part of whatever fallout ensues.

You can't assume the parents have their head in the sand. If the information falls on deaf ears, so be it. But you could also save a kid's life.

[Anonymous]

If my kids were into drugs I would sure hope another parent would tell me. Parent people, parent!

[Anonymous]

Is your daughter 100% sure this is happening- has she seen drug use with her own eyes? I would want to be sure that this isn't just a rumor, or someone making up stories to seem hardcore.

Someone sent an anonymous note to my parents when I was in HS, and it was all untrue. It was likely someone who I was no longer friends with trying to get back at me. It wrecked any relationship I had with my parents and school counselor. It was the most malicious thing anyone has ever done to me. I wanted to kill myself.

It might be quick and easy on your end to send an anonymous note, but do think about the aftermath.

If you know the parents at all, I would try to talk to them and say that you've heard rumors of drug use but don't know who is involved. Open their eyes without being accusational. Ask if they've heard anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Absolutely. Hard drugs can lead easily to an accidental overdose. Better that you tell the parent now, then have to comfort them later because of the loss of their child.
As I parent, I would absolutely want to know.

+1