Dear SIL

[Anonymous]

My sister in law is insane, and hates me for stealing her brother, my DH. She even tried to date my ex boyfriend to get back at me, and threatened to blackmail me. I told her my DH and I have no secrets so her little scheme wouldn't work anyway. DH picked me and sided with me and I haven't had to deal with her since. Total nightmare. Who has time for that drama. And I have other SILs who I love dearly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow! I love my SILs. My husbands sister, my husbands' brother's wife and my brother's wife. They are lovely people.

You are lucky!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear SIL,

People aren't a "bitch" because they don't do stuff for you anymore. You want people to be nice to you? How about you dish it? Lend a hand? Reach out? But you're a 30-something entitled princess who expects others do do everything to/for you, and not dish it back. Start giving more, instead of expecting to receive more, and maybe you'll get out of your bubble.

Did I write this in my sleep?

Here's a PS: I wanted to have another sister, but your self-absorption in every conversation killed any chance of it. Also the silly baby talk that, coming from a woman in her 40s, makes my toes curl. No, your kids are not the most amazing kids in the universe and obviously more interesting than mine--and I have to bite my tongue to avoid pointing out that the facts on the ground suggest otherwise. Don't you ever see my own daughter digging her fingernails into my arm every time you go off again? Also, stop inviting your family to my house and then refusing to help with the cooking, dishes, or anything else because you're a "guest." Also, it's unreasonable to expect my kids to spend their own vacations babysitting your kids so you can slurp my liquor and spend hours hanging out yourself, so every time you command them to babysit, I secretly pay them.

OP here, we "may" have the same sister in law. Do they realize that we don't exist to feed and water them?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I didn't open this thread for a few days because I thought people would be snarky and mean to me. But, it turns out, having a bitch SIL is a pretty common problem and I'm happy to have the moral support. I really never did anything mean to her. I made friendship overtures many times, over many years. But, it turns out, she just sucks. I didn't do anything wrong. She's (let's say it all in unison) "just a bitch."
Sigh, now I can get back to my real life friends, who are nice and wonderful and not bitches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are there so many people here who have problems with their SILs? This boggles my mind. I am South Asian. I had an arranged marriage. I get along with all my relatives. I have favorites, but it does not mean that there are some that I hate or resent. I feel that in this country, where people mostly choose their own spouses, why do they make such error in judgements that they can't stand their MILs and SILs etc. 50% of the time they cannot even stand their DH.

I feel that in a situation like mine, where parents find the guy for you to marry, based on outward compatibility (Same race, same region, same religion, same social status, same level of physical attractiveness, same education, same culture) etc. , there are more chances of not really getting along with ILs or DH. But I see that people by and large get along. I am shocked that here there is just such a dislike for the DH's side of the family. It is really hard to comprehend why. Did you not choose your spouse yourself? Did you not meet his family before?

In this country people are raised to be very individualistic, it's fundamental to their belief system. What the clan, caste or community thinks of them or their family is not the primary driver in their decisions. Personal freedom and the right to pursue happiness are very important. People believe that here and now in this life they deserve the best. Yes, you meet the family of the spouse you picked for yourself, but you are not focused on choosing the best SIL. You dont' spend a lot of time with them because a lot of people live away from their families and get together only a few times a year for holidays. It's OK to dislike your inlaws, it's ok to dislike in general, everybody is entitled to have their own opinion. People usually dont' have to live with in-laws and obey them. My MIL is bat shit crazy. I had no idea until the week before the wedding. I used to take it personally, but as DH's younger siblings got married too, I saw that it's not me-specific, everybody gets same crap. Where you come from perhaps many of these things don't apply. The family and inlaws have a lot of power, it's not OK to dislike them, people don't get divorced even if things are bad with DH. They are more accepting of their fate and will take hardships in stride because their religion tells them that a) they deserve the current life because of the way they lived the past life and b) only through accepting the current circumstances you can achieve a better situation in the next life. I am not saying that one way is better than the other, just different strokes for different folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear SIL,
Please stop being a bitch. I didn't do anything to you, I have lots of Friends and am generally considered nice, generous, fun, and interesting person. I do not want to "steal" your place in the family. I am not interested in inheritance. Please get your head out of your ass.
I don't have to be your best friend, I don't want to be your best friend, but maybe at family gatherings you could be less of a bitch.

Sincerely,
The newest member of the family

You know you don't need to capitalize "friends," right?

Your SIL supposedly being a bitch may have nothing to do with you? If your head wasn't in your ass, you might realize this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear SIL,
Please stop being a bitch. I didn't do anything to you, I have lots of Friends and am generally considered nice, generous, fun, and interesting person. I do not want to "steal" your place in the family. I am not interested in inheritance. Please get your head out of your ass.
I don't have to be your best friend, I don't want to be your best friend, but maybe at family gatherings you could be less of a bitch.

Sincerely,
The newest member of the family

I am sorry. I have been dealing with this for almost 30 years. She is even a bigger bitch now that mil is dead and she is the "matriarch" of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two SILs and both are bitches. There's no kinder way to describe them. I've reached out to both for years and years, tried to be kind and am always polite, never did anything to be mean to them, but they hate me anyway. I think they are mad I married their brother, or they are taking out their resentment at their brother's success (he's far more successful financially than either of them, but he does not in any way rub it in their faces) on me.

I guess the SIL relationship is fraught. I've given up on both of them. I send them Christmas cards, and that's the extent of our relationship. Sometimes they send Christmas cards back.

Same here and for the same reasons.

[Anonymous]

My sil once said that she would marry her brother if he wasn't her brother. How gross is that. Needless to say she has done her best to make my life a living hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister in law is insane, and hates me for stealing her brother, my DH. She even tried to date my ex boyfriend to get back at me, and threatened to blackmail me. I told her my DH and I have no secrets so her little scheme wouldn't work anyway. DH picked me and sided with me and I haven't had to deal with her since. Total nightmare. Who has time for that drama. And I have other SILs who I love dearly!

Some women (and SILs) and malicious harpies who will do anything for drama. Stay away from her.

[Anonymous]

and=are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear SIL,

People aren't a "bitch" because they don't do stuff for you anymore. You want people to be nice to you? How about you dish it? Lend a hand? Reach out? But you're a 30-something entitled princess who expects others do do everything to/for you, and not dish it back. Start giving more, instead of expecting to receive more, and maybe you'll get out of your bubble.

Did I write this in my sleep?

Here's a PS: I wanted to have another sister, but your self-absorption in every conversation killed any chance of it. Also the silly baby talk that, coming from a woman in her 40s, makes my toes curl. No, your kids are not the most amazing kids in the universe and obviously more interesting than mine--and I have to bite my tongue to avoid pointing out that the facts on the ground suggest otherwise. Don't you ever see my own daughter digging her fingernails into my arm every time you go off again? Also, stop inviting your family to my house and then refusing to help with the cooking, dishes, or anything else because you're a "guest." Also, it's unreasonable to expect my kids to spend their own vacations babysitting your kids so you can slurp my liquor and spend hours hanging out yourself, so every time you command them to babysit, I secretly pay them.

OP here, we "may" have the same sister in law. Do they realize that we don't exist to feed and water them?

Maybe we do?! It's a mentality of, "I want a vacation, therefore I'm going to pretend not to see that everybody else has to give up their vacations to feed/water me and babysit my kids."

[Anonymous]

My SIL is unbearable but I just ignore her. I've stopped caring about her dramatic antics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sil once said that she would marry her brother if he wasn't her brother. How gross is that. Needless to say she has done her best to make my life a living hell.

This is my SIL. They talk about sex, like friends do, not like siblings and she has a pet name for him. I could go on and on....

[Anonymous]

My SIL is awfull and so are her parents. Once they realized I wasn't a shrinking violet who would continue letting them walk all over DH, I became THE ENEMY. I am courteous to them and include them in important family functions, but otherwise remain very superficial with them. My MIL is a decent grandma to our kids so she sees them a lot. I ask my kids if she speaks poorly of me to them and they say she doesn't. But even though they are smart, kind beautiful kids I can't help but get the feeling she would prefer they had a different mother. Of course if she got her wish, she would hate that woman as well. I gave up 10 years ago trying to win them over. MIL's best friend has a DD my DH's age, and she tried for years to get DH to date her. SIL as well, we still get updates on how this woman is doing and that she is still single (I wonder why?) Like DH is going to just dump me and shack up with her, lol!