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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why are there so many people here who have problems with their SILs? This boggles my mind. I am South Asian. I had an arranged marriage.  I get along with all my relatives. I have favorites, but it does not mean that there are some that I hate or resent. I feel that in this country, where people mostly choose their own spouses, why do they make such error in judgements that they can't stand their MILs and SILs etc. 50% of the time they cannot even stand their DH.

I feel that in a situation like mine, where parents find the guy for you to marry, based on outward compatibility (Same race, same region, same religion,  same social status, same level of physical attractiveness, same education, same culture) etc. ,  there are more chances of not really getting along with ILs or DH.  But I see that people by and large get along.  I am shocked that here there is just such a dislike for the DH's side of the family. It is really hard to comprehend why. Did you not choose your spouse yourself? Did you not meet his family before?[/quote]

In this country people are raised to be very individualistic, it's fundamental to their belief system.  What the clan, caste or community thinks of them or their family is not the primary driver in their decisions. Personal freedom and the right to pursue happiness are very important.  People believe that here and now in this life they deserve the best.  Yes, you meet the family of the spouse you picked for yourself, but you are not focused on choosing the best SIL.   You dont' spend a lot of time with them because a lot of people live away from their families and get together only a few times a year for holidays. It's OK to dislike your inlaws, it's ok to dislike in general, everybody is entitled to have their own opinion. People usually dont' have to live with in-laws and obey them. My MIL is bat shit crazy. I had no idea until the week before the wedding. I used to take it personally, but as DH's younger siblings got married too, I saw that it's not me-specific, everybody gets same crap.  Where you come from perhaps many of these things don't apply. The family and inlaws have a lot of power, it's not OK to dislike them, people don't get divorced even if things are bad with DH. They are more accepting of their fate and will take hardships in stride because their religion tells them that a) they deserve the current life because of the way they lived the past life and b) only through accepting the current circumstances you can achieve a better situation in the next life.  I am not saying that one way is better than the other, just different strokes for different folks.[/quote]

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