questions for those who have lost a child

[Anonymous]

So very sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Thinking of you, OP.

[Anonymous]

I am so very very sorry OP.

Do only what you must for the foreseeable future. Don't make any major decisions - you will have time to deal with other stuff later.

I can't begin to offer advice -except to think about whether there is anything you want to do while your baby is still here - pictures, fingerprints, outfits you want her to wear now so you can see her in them, whatever... If there are any memories you think you might want to have - make them now. Then just take care of yourself and your husband and hang in there.

I wish there were more we could do for you but I will keep you, and your family, in my thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Just another note to say how very sorry I am that you are dealing with this. Life can be cruel.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My daughter died last year but it was different than your situation because she died in the womb and was stillborn. I didn't get to see her alive and that has its own challenges. A couple of initial suggestions, a) find a therapist so you can have a professional to speak with. Friends and family (even when they are well-meaning) don't always know what to say and they don't always have the right things to say. I can imagine they'll say things like "just focus on this current pregnancy, etc." I would recommend calling the Wendt Center for Loss and Healing. I spoke with Shannon and I think she is lovely.

b) take a lot of time off of work. I took 6 weeks off (but I was recovering from birth). I know your situation is different but I would still recommend taking time to grieve.

All I can say is that you should do everything you need to do to take care of yourself. This is going to be a super slow process and be kind to yourself.

[Anonymous]

So sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

There really are no words OP. So very sorry.

[Anonymous]

Like PP, my situation was different (baby passed seconds after birth). the funeral home was amazing and handled everything for us. We had a small church ceremony for him. I second the idea of therapy, especially with someone experienced in child bereavement. We also took a trip and it was exactly what we needed as a couple.

I was really angry with family and friends for showing no/ little support and saying the wrong things ("it's for the best, it was meant to be, it's better that he didn't live, there must have been something really wrong with him", etc.) I wish I could have handed them a list of "Things not to say".

Big hug, OP

[Anonymous]

I am so very sorry to hear this. We lost our son on his six month birthday. He had a series of medical challenges and spent virtually his entire life in the hospital. As amazing as medical technology is, children's hospitals are a special kind of hell that I wouldn't wish upon anyone.

We held a service for our son a week after he passed away. We relied upon the support of our friends and family to prepare a service that acknowledged our son and his place in our lives. The service was important to us to provide some closure.

In light of everything we went through, we felt we needed to get away afterwards (we had another, two year old son who hadn't seen much of us for the previous six months). As crazy as this sounds, we went to DisneyWorld. We wanted to go someplace where we would be occupied so we weren't constantly thinking about what happened, as well as a place that would allow us to re-connect as a family. We didn't want to sit around at home, and we weren't ready to return to routine.

In some respects, life moves on. But in other ways-and perhaps when you least expect it-you will feel overwhelmed with sorrow, even years after the fact. You do the best that you can, which while it may not be enough to change your situation, hopefully is enough to give you some comfort.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry for what you have endured and have yet to go through. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

[Anonymous]

So sorry, OP. Please keep us updated.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry OP. No words at all. Just thinking of you.

[Anonymous]

Been thinking about you op and wish you peace and strength.

[Anonymous]

Take photos lot of you and child, spouse and child and together as a family
hold them. Run their hand
tell them how much they are loved.

So sorry OP.