DW do you initiate sex or does your DH initiate?

[Anonymous]

I'm a DW and when I want it anytime, I just hop on board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I initiate about 4 to 1 compared to DW. But mostly we only actually have sex when she initiates. So, I'm not sure why I bother trying.

What happens the rest of the time?

She turns me down -- too tired, doesn't feel good, not feeling into it, "no thanks."

DH here. We're about 50/50, married 20 years, but I heard those lines for many years. I have simply taken the approach that if I attempt to initiate and get a brush off like "I'm really tired" followed by her playing on the iPad until midnight then I simply leave that ball in her court and won't try again until she initiates herself. Repeated rejections are crushing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous



I do a lot b/c DH told me I had to after I had an affair. So, now it is about 90% me initiating.

With your husband?

Yes, with my husband. I am no longer in an affair. Before the affair it was pretty much him initiating all the time. And me avoiding.

I think the percentages are changing as he become more secure again, and he is initiating more. However, me initiating allows me to mentally prepare for sex with my husband, to plan ahead, set the agenda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a DW and I am the only one to initiate.

Do you do most of the "work" too?

Genuinely curious. I am guessing the initiating partner does most of the thrusting/riding/rocking/etc......

I'm a DH, do most of the initiating, and do about 95% of the "work."

[Anonymous]

Not quite a wife yet. Together almost 5 years. Cohabitating. We're engaged. I'm 43; he's almost 48. My drive wildly fluctuates.
He initiates more. Maybe 4/5 of the time. However, that is just our dynamic. I actively initiate sometimes, but more often I give signals that I'm going to respond enthusiastically to any move he wants to make.
The exception is Round 2 and morning sex. I always initiate those.
I am always affectionate verbally and physically. I'd even say that I'm noncommitally handsy when we're alone.
I enjoy sexual tension almost as much as the deed itself. So while this may not count as initiating, I will set up a slow burn situation. We don't sext, but on occasion I will send a provocative message hours before we can actually do something about it. Or, we'll go out and when he reaches for the restaurant door or a friend's doorbell, I'll tuck my panties into his hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a DW and I am the only one to initiate.

Do you do most of the "work" too?

Genuinely curious. I am guessing the initiating partner does most of the thrusting/riding/rocking/etc......

I'm a DH, do most of the initiating, and do about 95% of the "work."

LOL. I hear you, which is why I seldom initiate. I find that when DW initiates she's much more engaged in trying to have a satisfying experience. When I initiate I more likely to get the passive "hurry up and be done with it" routine. That's not particularly enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a DW and I am the only one to initiate.

Do you do most of the "work" too?

Genuinely curious. I am guessing the initiating partner does most of the thrusting/riding/rocking/etc......

I'm a DH, do most of the initiating, and do about 95% of the "work."

LOL. I hear you, which is why I seldom initiate. I find that when DW initiates she's much more engaged in trying to have a satisfying experience. When I initiate I more likely to get the passive "hurry up and be done with it" routine. That's not particularly enjoyable.

Ha - another DH here. I could have written that. She rarely initiates but when she does its awesome!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a DW and I am the only one to initiate.

Do you do most of the "work" too?

Genuinely curious. I am guessing the initiating partner does most of the thrusting/riding/rocking/etc......

I'm a DH, do most of the initiating, and do about 95% of the "work."

LOL. I hear you, which is why I seldom initiate. I find that when DW initiates she's much more engaged in trying to have a satisfying experience. When I initiate I more likely to get the passive "hurry up and be done with it" routine. That's not particularly enjoyable.

Ha - another DH here. I could have written that. She rarely initiates but when she does its awesome!

I agree with this -- unfortunately if I wait for her to initiate, we'd be on the once every two month plan. (Currently we've gone 5 weeks without and that stretch includes me unsuccessfully attempting to initiate twice.)

[Anonymous]

I wish DH would do it but I'm the one who has to. It makes me feel undesirable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not quite a wife yet. Together almost 5 years. Cohabitating. We're engaged. I'm 43; he's almost 48. My drive wildly fluctuates.
He initiates more. Maybe 4/5 of the time. However, that is just our dynamic. I actively initiate sometimes, but more often I give signals that I'm going to respond enthusiastically to any move he wants to make.
The exception is Round 2 and morning sex. I always initiate those.
I am always affectionate verbally and physically. I'd even say that I'm noncommitally handsy when we're alone.
I enjoy sexual tension almost as much as the deed itself. So while this may not count as initiating, I will set up a slow burn situation. We don't sext, but on occasion I will send a provocative message hours before we can actually do something about it. Or, we'll go out and when he reaches for the restaurant door or a friend's doorbell, I'll tuck my panties into his hand.

huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a DW and I am the only one to initiate.

Do you do most of the "work" too?

Genuinely curious. I am guessing the initiating partner does most of the thrusting/riding/rocking/etc......

I'm the DW PP that initiates and no, I don't do most of the work. That is pretty evenly divided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not quite a wife yet. Together almost 5 years. Cohabitating. We're engaged. I'm 43; he's almost 48. My drive wildly fluctuates.
He initiates more. Maybe 4/5 of the time. However, that is just our dynamic. I actively initiate sometimes, but more often I give signals that I'm going to respond enthusiastically to any move he wants to make.
The exception is Round 2 and morning sex. I always initiate those.
I am always affectionate verbally and physically. I'd even say that I'm noncommitally handsy when we're alone.
I enjoy sexual tension almost as much as the deed itself. So while this may not count as initiating, I will set up a slow burn situation. We don't sext, but on occasion I will send a provocative message hours before we can actually do something about it. Or, we'll go out and when he reaches for the restaurant door or a friend's doorbell, I'll tuck my panties into his hand.

huh?

Haven't you ever let your SO know you aren't wearing panties in public? You can whisper it or you can show him. Try stepping out of a pair in an otherwise empty elevator and tucking them into his jacket pocket.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a DW and I am the only one to initiate.

Do you do most of the "work" too?

Genuinely curious. I am guessing the initiating partner does most of the thrusting/riding/rocking/etc......

I'm a DH, do most of the initiating, and do about 95% of the "work."

LOL. I hear you, which is why I seldom initiate. I find that when DW initiates she's much more engaged in trying to have a satisfying experience. When I initiate I more likely to get the passive "hurry up and be done with it" routine. That's not particularly enjoyable.

Ha - another DH here. I could have written that. She rarely initiates but when she does its awesome!

I agree with this -- unfortunately if I wait for her to initiate, we'd be on the once every two month plan. (Currently we've gone 5 weeks without and that stretch includes me unsuccessfully attempting to initiate twice.)

I guess it depends on whether your DW is into it when she's not the one who initiates. Yeah, waiting for DW to initiate can result in some extended dry spells, but honestly after 20 years I'll take the dry spell over a partner who is disengaged to the point that you can almost hear her asking, "are you almost finished? I have things to do."

The mercy encounter is ultimately humiliating. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

We both do, though I'm more of the "let's plan on it tonight" type while he is spontaneous and I never know when he'll make a move, lol. We rarely turn each other down for sex.

[Anonymous]

I am a DW and I am the only initiator.