Anyone successfully changed a spouses mind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did he leave?

Had an affair and left for that OW.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I'm so sorry pp. He had an affair for 4 yrs?! Are they still together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I'm so sorry pp. He had an affair for 4 yrs?! Are they still together?

No and no. The affair wasn't 4 years it was about 4 months at the end of that 4 years. They are definitely not together, they didn't last very long. She was a "symptom, not a cause" he said. He married someone else and has been married for a while now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ftr this isn't about me, it's about a friend. Husband has asked for a divorce and she is trying to change his mind. She has stuck by him through several affairs, and is convinced he wants to leave her for another woman.

No shit. Of course he wants to leave her for another woman. He's had affairs and wants a divorce....what other clues do you need. OP, you're a loser for supporting her attempts to keep him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ftr this isn't about me, it's about a friend. Husband has asked for a divorce and she is trying to change his mind. She has stuck by him through several affairs, and is convinced he wants to leave her for another woman.

No shit. Of course he wants to leave her for another woman. He's had affairs and wants a divorce....what other clues do you need. OP, you're a loser for supporting her attempts to keep him.

I don't support it at all. I listen when she vents, I feel badly for her and her child. We have been friends for several years. When our other friends have told her to get a divorce she's ended the friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ftr this isn't about me, it's about a friend. Husband has asked for a divorce and she is trying to change his mind. She has stuck by him through several affairs, and is convinced he wants to leave her for another woman.

No shit. Of course he wants to leave her for another woman. He's had affairs and wants a divorce....what other clues do you need. OP, you're a loser for supporting her attempts to keep him.

I don't support it at all. I listen when she vents, I feel badly for her and her child. We have been friends for several years. When our other friends have told her to get a divorce she's ended the friendship.

I am really sorry she is going through this and you're a good friend for supporting her.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell her to get a divorce so she'd end the friendship and I wouldn't have to hear about it anymore.

I'm sure you'll find people who groveled and got their partner to stay. Are they happy? Doubt it.

I don't question employees or beg them to stay when they move on- wth would I do this with my spouse? Wanna go- bye.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say anything. Just listen. If she asks your opinion tell her you don't know what she should do. I'd advise her to seek a therapist for advice since they have more experience with issues of this type. She sounds like a friend I have who gets mad when anyone tells her something she doesn't like about the men she dates even if it's the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ftr this isn't about me, it's about a friend. Husband has asked for a divorce and she is trying to change his mind. She has stuck by him through several affairs, and is convinced he wants to leave her for another woman.

No shit. Of course he wants to leave her for another woman. He's had affairs and wants a divorce....what other clues do you need. OP, you're a loser for supporting her attempts to keep him.

I don't support it at all. I listen when she vents, I feel badly for her and her child. We have been friends for several years. When our other friends have told her to get a divorce she's ended the friendship.

It sounds like she's emotionally abusive towards her friends (and therefore you, OP). This whole relationship sounds like bad news. I would cut off contact, OP.

[Anonymous]

If she cuts off all her friends she'll be in a terrible situation if/when he leaves her. It also sounds like she's very unhealthy emotionally, which doesn't bode well in terms of how she will cope with the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ftr this isn't about me, it's about a friend. Husband has asked for a divorce and she is trying to change his mind. She has stuck by him through several affairs, and is convinced he wants to leave her for another woman.

No shit. Of course he wants to leave her for another woman. He's had affairs and wants a divorce....what other clues do you need. OP, you're a loser for supporting her attempts to keep him.

I don't support it at all. I listen when she vents, I feel badly for her and her child. We have been friends for several years. When our other friends have told her to get a divorce she's ended the friendship.

I am really sorry she is going through this and you're a good friend for supporting her.

+1
She's going to need someone after the shit hits the fan, because it will. It's good of you to try to be there for her even though she isn't making it easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ftr this isn't about me, it's about a friend. Husband has asked for a divorce and she is trying to change his mind. She has stuck by him through several affairs, and is convinced he wants to leave her for another woman.

No shit. Of course he wants to leave her for another woman. He's had affairs and wants a divorce....what other clues do you need. OP, you're a loser for supporting her attempts to keep him.

I don't support it at all. I listen when she vents, I feel badly for her and her child. We have been friends for several years. When our other friends have told her to get a divorce she's ended the friendship.

It sounds like she's emotionally abusive towards her friends (and therefore you, OP). This whole relationship sounds like bad news. I would cut off contact, OP.

I've distanced myself in the past. I feel sorry for her. I agree with you... it's her personality she wasn't very nice to her husband.

[Anonymous]

Op, it's not a healthy friendship between the two of you.

You say you are doing nothing but letting her vent, but in this situation that IS doing something, it IS supporting her current situation. She needs to not have you to vent to--think about the word "vent" for a moment. With no where to vent, something actually happens--there is movement of some kind. Yes it may be an explosion but the point is, it stops the hamster wheel situation.

You may not think you are getting anything out of this, but you are--you get to be her special friend, her most loyal friend, the one who will stay with her and listen to all her BS. You think that without you, she'll have no one, be alone, therefore you are necessary--you are important.

So she makes you feel important, and that's why you listen to her.

And you ARE important, but important for the wrong reasons--important for keeping her in her own status quo. You're lack of opinions and your listening gives her hope.

You are not helping, OP. I say either stay away, or engage her honestly, as a good friend should do, and tell her if you think she should get out.

And if she blows you off for you being honest, then you know what you already suspect--that she and you were never really good friends.