What happened to the babysitter thread?

[Anonymous]

Parent here and I think that the babysitter questions should absolutely stay in the nanny forum in the babysitter section. I'm glad the forums were separated and that the nannies are largely contained in that area. It sounds like you expect babysitting questions posted in the main forum will automatically attract input from actual parents. If you remember from the days when the forums were together, any questions about child care went the same way. The first few responses would ask what you pay the sitter (no matter what the question), they second set would contain insults about hiring cheap sitters who don't speak English (no matter what the question) and maybe, just maybe, you'd get a post or two with some on topic and useful advice.

If your question is about childcare, it should go in the forums about childcare, in the nanny section. I agree with a hardline policy on this. If you want the nanny forums to be more useful to parents, then participate there and help clean it up by posting good questions and thoughtful responses to other people's questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP and I agree with PP. however I don't even see it in the nanny forum. I was really looking for feedback! What gives?

Jeff has stated before that he can't move posts between the regular forums and the nanny forums- so posts that belong in nanny forums just get deleted.
I'm hoping that you will repost (in the nanny forum), b/c I am now intrigued!

But OPs post did jot belong in the nanny forum. If anything it belonged in the teen and tweens forum. It should never have been flagged or reported by anyone for movement.

I agree it belonged in the Teen and Tween forum or General Parenting forum. It was originally posted in Off Topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent here and I think that the babysitter questions should absolutely stay in the nanny forum in the babysitter section. I'm glad the forums were separated and that the nannies are largely contained in that area. It sounds like you expect babysitting questions posted in the main forum will automatically attract input from actual parents. If you remember from the days when the forums were together, any questions about child care went the same way. The first few responses would ask what you pay the sitter (no matter what the question), they second set would contain insults about hiring cheap sitters who don't speak English (no matter what the question) and maybe, just maybe, you'd get a post or two with some on topic and useful advice.

If your question is about childcare, it should go in the forums about childcare, in the nanny section. I agree with a hardline policy on this. If you want the nanny forums to be more useful to parents, then participate there and help clean it up by posting good questions and thoughtful responses to other people's questions.

But OPs question was not about childcare.

She and her husband returned home a little early from their date, paid the sitter and OP walked her home.

During that walk the sitter felt guilty and told her she had several boys over while they were gone and now the boys were hiding in the garage. OP and her husband are furious and trying to decide whether or not to talk to the teen's parent, their neighbor.

This is not a childcare or nanny issue. This is a teen and a neighbor relationship issue that just happens to include the word babysitter. Her problem has zero to do with childcare and everything to do with teens being sneaky and possible problems with her neighbors.

[Anonymous]

it's Jeff's forums...he can do things as he pleases, even if they make no sense, like in this case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it's Jeff's forums...he can do things as he pleases, even if they make no sense, like in this case.

Yes, but he is usually very nice about offering an explanation or rationale, even if the reason is blatantly obvious (like with the recent redline thread).

Never have I seen him respond to a question of why he deletes or moves a thread or post, especially when the move appears to make no sense, with a "just because I said so".

Of course he owns the thread and can do whatever he wants, but deleting OPs thread because it mentioned a babysitter and was not posted in the nanny forum makes zero sense, especially given the content of her original post and all the follow up posts.

Jeff is usually sensible, and also listens and responds to feedback from users. This all seems very arbitrary compared to his usual receptiveness and willingness to discuss suggestions or feedback.

[jsteele]

I'm traveling today and have limited connectivity. I'll respond in more detail tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent here and I think that the babysitter questions should absolutely stay in the nanny forum in the babysitter section. I'm glad the forums were separated and that the nannies are largely contained in that area. It sounds like you expect babysitting questions posted in the main forum will automatically attract input from actual parents. If you remember from the days when the forums were together, any questions about child care went the same way. The first few responses would ask what you pay the sitter (no matter what the question), they second set would contain insults about hiring cheap sitters who don't speak English (no matter what the question) and maybe, just maybe, you'd get a post or two with some on topic and useful advice.

If your question is about childcare, it should go in the forums about childcare, in the nanny section. I agree with a hardline policy on this. If you want the nanny forums to be more useful to parents, then participate there and help clean it up by posting good questions and thoughtful responses to other people's questions.

But OPs question was not about childcare.

She and her husband returned home a little early from their date, paid the sitter and OP walked her home.

During that walk the sitter felt guilty and told her she had several boys over while they were gone and now the boys were hiding in the garage. OP and her husband are furious and trying to decide whether or not to talk to the teen's parent, their neighbor.

This is not a childcare or nanny issue. This is a teen and a neighbor relationship issue that just happens to include the word babysitter. Her problem has zero to do with childcare and everything to do with teens being sneaky and possible problems with her neighbors.

I agree. Between this and the suddenly removing posts that go slightly off the original topic in any way, this police state is a really unflattering aspect of the boards lately.

[Anonymous]

jsteele wrote:I'm traveling today and have limited connectivity. I'll respond in more detail tomorrow.

Sorry! No work on your days off. Take advantage of your limited internet access.

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent here and I think that the babysitter questions should absolutely stay in the nanny forum in the babysitter section. I'm glad the forums were separated and that the nannies are largely contained in that area. It sounds like you expect babysitting questions posted in the main forum will automatically attract input from actual parents. If you remember from the days when the forums were together, any questions about child care went the same way. The first few responses would ask what you pay the sitter (no matter what the question), they second set would contain insults about hiring cheap sitters who don't speak English (no matter what the question) and maybe, just maybe, you'd get a post or two with some on topic and useful advice.

If your question is about childcare, it should go in the forums about childcare, in the nanny section. I agree with a hardline policy on this. If you want the nanny forums to be more useful to parents, then participate there and help clean it up by posting good questions and thoughtful responses to other people's questions.

But OPs question was not about childcare.

She and her husband returned home a little early from their date, paid the sitter and OP walked her home.

During that walk the sitter felt guilty and told her she had several boys over while they were gone and now the boys were hiding in the garage. OP and her husband are furious and trying to decide whether or not to talk to the teen's parent, their neighbor.

This is not a childcare or nanny issue. This is a teen and a neighbor relationship issue that just happens to include the word babysitter. Her problem has zero to do with childcare and everything to do with teens being sneaky and possible problems with her neighbors.

I agree. Between this and the suddenly removing posts that go slightly off the original topic in any way, this police state is a really unflattering aspect of the boards lately.

Police state? Well, you are more than welcome to move to another forum that is less restrictive.

[Anonymous]

jsteele wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent here and I think that the babysitter questions should absolutely stay in the nanny forum in the babysitter section. I'm glad the forums were separated and that the nannies are largely contained in that area. It sounds like you expect babysitting questions posted in the main forum will automatically attract input from actual parents. If you remember from the days when the forums were together, any questions about child care went the same way. The first few responses would ask what you pay the sitter (no matter what the question), they second set would contain insults about hiring cheap sitters who don't speak English (no matter what the question) and maybe, just maybe, you'd get a post or two with some on topic and useful advice.

If your question is about childcare, it should go in the forums about childcare, in the nanny section. I agree with a hardline policy on this. If you want the nanny forums to be more useful to parents, then participate there and help clean it up by posting good questions and thoughtful responses to other people's questions.

But OPs question was not about childcare.

She and her husband returned home a little early from their date, paid the sitter and OP walked her home.

During that walk the sitter felt guilty and told her she had several boys over while they were gone and now the boys were hiding in the garage. OP and her husband are furious and trying to decide whether or not to talk to the teen's parent, their neighbor.

This is not a childcare or nanny issue. This is a teen and a neighbor relationship issue that just happens to include the word babysitter. Her problem has zero to do with childcare and everything to do with teens being sneaky and possible problems with her neighbors.

I agree. Between this and the suddenly removing posts that go slightly off the original topic in any way, this police state is a really unflattering aspect of the boards lately.

Police state? Well, you are more than welcome to move to another forum that is less restrictive.

As we've said many times, it's up to you. But definitely people are noticing that it seems like you're moving things somewhat randomly, on a bit of a power trip. This babysitter one was definitely a mistake. And if we all reported everything that went off topic, there would be no threads. It's definitely making the site frustrating, and more difficult to use. Your prerogative. But you're always asking for feedback.

[Anonymous]

I didn't even know there was an occasional babysitter forum on the nanny forums side until this thread got deleted. I would have posted in off topics too if I had been the OP. Now at least I know where to look for a babysitter related question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't even know there was an occasional babysitter forum on the nanny forums side until this thread got deleted. I would have posted in off topics too if I had been the OP. Now at least I know where to look for a babysitter related question.

I never read it because (1) I don't have a nanny so most of that forum isn't useful to me; and (2) when I have gone, the babysitter forum is usually bogged down with random job postings which are of no interest to me (and aren't under the purview of that forum, so they should be getting deleted too).

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:We have a specific babysitting forum in the nanny section. We are pretty hardline about this topic. You can choose not to use the nanny forums, but if you post here, it will likely be deleted.

But why?

Most people who are posting about babysitting issues want to hear from other parents and maybe parents of teens, not nannies.

And very few parents and certainly not parents of teens are interested in the nanny forums.

This seems like a strange issue to be hardline about. Would you possibly consider poling your audience in the parenting forums to see what they actually want? Babysitting, and ESPECIALLY questions like OPs with the teen sitter sneaking in boys and hiding them in the garage are an issue where someone needs feedback from parents and not nannies. Wouldn't letting the posters choose where topics such as these need to be based off who they want input from make much more sense tuan deleting every thread that happens to mention the word "babysitter"?

To me that is the equivalent of moving the thread titled "My inlaws won't shut up about Donald Trump and it's driving me to drink until Christmas with the inlaws is over" to the politics board simply because it mentions Donald Trump, when the real issue/question is about relationships with the inlaws and should stay in the family relationship forum where the OP posted.

If my memory serves me correctly (and it might not) you started the separate nanny site based on suggestions and input mostly from the nannies. Why not consider input from the parents on this issue so they can get the most valuable feedback from the people whose experience and input they are seeking (other parents)?

The issue with babysitting posts is their relationship with nanny posts. While some people make very clear distinctions between the terms "babysitter", "nanny", "au pair", etc., many others tend to use "babysitter" to describe any type of hired caregiver. As a result, it is very difficult to allow "babysitting" posts while prohibiting "nanny" posts. We prohibit nanny posts here as a result of moving the "nanny search" and "nanny available" forums to a separate area. There are nine nanny search/available forums plus two housekeeper forums that used to be in this section. In order to be able to create more interesting forums without the list of forums getting out of control, we moved those 11 forums to their own area. It was almost everyone's opinion at that time that those forums would not be successful if the "nanny discussion" forum were not also moved. So, that was moved also. Due to requests from users, I also created an au pair forum and the babysitting forum.

With any product, there has to be trade-offs. Many of you might be familiar with the options of Fast, Good, and Cheap of which you are allowed to pick two. You can't have all three. DCUM is the same in that we can't meet every desire and always have to make trade-offs. Some of the trade-offs might seem questionable to you, and in reality may actually have been poor trade-offs. But, I'm happy with our track record. One trade off I am willing to make is babysitter posts. In fact, there isn't much interest here in babysitting posts and most of the interest that does exist is in regard to how to find a babysitter. I know this because I know how relatively rare it is for me to remove a babysitter post. Therefore, the bottom line is that we've chosen to prioritize other topics above babysitter posts. Again, there is no doubt that many will disagree with my priorities and you may, in fact, be correct. But, also again, I am happy with my track record.

There is an argument that can be made that some discussions that involve babysitting fit well in the tween/teen forum. I am not oblivious to that argument and have in the past actually ignored some babysitting posts in that forum. I don't value consistency in moderating the forum as much as some might hope and always reserve the right to make an exception. You are always free to make a post that may not be allowed and risk its deletion. Given the fact that I probably won't see the post for quite some time, you will likely get some answers before I get around to removing it.

Finally, in response to other posts that describe a heightened "police state" on DCUM, I can only say that I have not been actively moving or deleting threads in greater numbers than previously. If anything, since I have been on vacation, I have done it less. Posters only seem to get bothered by these things when it happens to their posts and then, suddenly, it is a crisis. I don't claim to always get things right, but as I've mentioned twice already, I'm happy with my track record.

[Anonymous]

Hi Jeff, is is possible to lock a thread and the final post explain why, "incorrect thread. Please post to babysitting thread in Nanny forum" or "Thread has gone way too off topic" or "Duplicate thread" In the case of a thread that has many too offensive responses, at least leave the original post or a truncated version with "thread has become too offensive"

I know what I find frustrating is not so much that threads get deleted for what may be perfectly valid reasons, but that they just disappear.

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:Hi Jeff, is is possible to lock a thread and the final post explain why, "incorrect thread. Please post to babysitting thread in Nanny forum" or "Thread has gone way too off topic" or "Duplicate thread" In the case of a thread that has many too offensive responses, at least leave the original post or a truncated version with "thread has become too offensive"

I know what I find frustrating is not so much that threads get deleted for what may be perfectly valid reasons, but that they just disappear.

I sometimes do that. But, it has the drawback of bumping the topic to the top of the topic list (and Recent Topics) which gives the thread even more exposure. In the case of inappropriate posts, I don't want them here at all -- locked or not. There is really not a perfect way to handled this.