Why are our boys overschrduled lost?

[Anonymous]

My boys 12 and 15 play 2 travel sports and go to private so they have friends all over.

But they also did not have any sports this weekend. They played basketball with neighborhood friends, sat around a fire and roasted marshmallows, took the dog down to the creek and threw rocks, rode the neighbor's hoover board, watched a movie, watched football, roasted their friends about the fantasy football league.

Why didn't your child invite a friend over the house, go to a neighbors and invite them to play, plan a movie night at his house.

You can't expect kids to be social animals if you never taught them to be that person.

People are important not things or activities. People are what get us through this cruel world. You need to teach your son how to create and foster his friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boys 12 and 15 play 2 travel sports and go to private so they have friends all over.

But they also did not have any sports this weekend. They played basketball with neighborhood friends, sat around a fire and roasted marshmallows, took the dog down to the creek and threw rocks, rode the neighbor's hoover board, watched a movie, watched football, roasted their friends about the fantasy football league.

Why didn't your child invite a friend over the house, go to a neighbors and invite them to play, plan a movie night at his house.

You can't expect kids to be social animals if you never taught them to be that person.

People are important not things or activities. People are what get us through this cruel world. You need to teach your son how to create and foster his friendships.

You are mean and condescending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boys 12 and 15 play 2 travel sports and go to private so they have friends all over.

But they also did not have any sports this weekend. They played basketball with neighborhood friends, sat around a fire and roasted marshmallows, took the dog down to the creek and threw rocks, rode the neighbor's hoover board, watched a movie, watched football, roasted their friends about the fantasy football league.

Why didn't your child invite a friend over the house, go to a neighbors and invite them to play, plan a movie night at his house.

You can't expect kids to be social animals if you never taught them to be that person.

People are important not things or activities. People are what get us through this cruel world. You need to teach your son how to create and foster his friendships.

You are mean and condescending.

OP here. I didn't read PP as mean. But maybe instead of "you need" she could have written "Parents need".

PP I am teaching my kid to create and foster relationships but it's a lot harder for him since most of his friends are either fully booked - ie scheduled, or just want to play video games.

My whole point was that it seems like kids, but yes boys specifically, have lost the ability to play/hang/ in person. I get that kids hang out online but as ^^ said People is what gets us through and I would like it to be face to face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boys 12 and 15 play 2 travel sports and go to private so they have friends all over.

But they also did not have any sports this weekend. They played basketball with neighborhood friends, sat around a fire and roasted marshmallows, took the dog down to the creek and threw rocks, rode the neighbor's hoover board, watched a movie, watched football, roasted their friends about the fantasy football league.

Why didn't your child invite a friend over the house, go to a neighbors and invite them to play, plan a movie night at his house.

You can't expect kids to be social animals if you never taught them to be that person.

People are important not things or activities. People are what get us through this cruel world. You need to teach your son how to create and foster his friendships.

You are mean and condescending.

OP here. I didn't read PP as mean. But maybe instead of "you need" she could have written "Parents need".

PP I am teaching my kid to create and foster relationships but it's a lot harder for him since most of his friends are either fully booked - ie scheduled, or just want to play video games.

My whole point was that it seems like kids, but yes boys specifically, have lost the ability to play/hang/ in person. I get that kids hang out online but as ^^ said People is what gets us through and I would like it to be face to face.

Then you need to be willing to either a) let your son take the metro by himself or b) be willing to shuttle him everywhere until he gets his license.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boys 12 and 15 play 2 travel sports and go to private so they have friends all over.

But they also did not have any sports this weekend. They played basketball with neighborhood friends, sat around a fire and roasted marshmallows, took the dog down to the creek and threw rocks, rode the neighbor's hoover board, watched a movie, watched football, roasted their friends about the fantasy football league.

Why didn't your child invite a friend over the house, go to a neighbors and invite them to play, plan a movie night at his house.

You can't expect kids to be social animals if you never taught them to be that person.

People are important not things or activities. People are what get us through this cruel world. You need to teach your son how to create and foster his friendships.

You are mean and condescending.

OP here. I didn't read PP as mean. But maybe instead of "you need" she could have written "Parents need".

PP I am teaching my kid to create and foster relationships but it's a lot harder for him since most of his friends are either fully booked - ie scheduled, or just want to play video games.

My whole point was that it seems like kids, but yes boys specifically, have lost the ability to play/hang/ in person. I get that kids hang out online but as ^^ said People is what gets us through and I would like it to be face to face.

PP is right that your son could do more inviting. And is he asking kids to do things, say, on Saturday midafternoon? Many will be at a sport or other activity then; just embrace that fact, and be willing to work with it. Maybe see about Saturday movie night instead, or see if he has friends from school who are free over the winter break for a day--video games together in the morning, take them for pizza later; or laser tag with a friend. Use holidays and breaks if there are particular friends with whom he wants to keep in touch. We have to do that since my 14-year-old has a very demanding extracurricular; we plan in advance for her to see friends on Monday school holidays or over the break, or we find activities and plan them with friends well in advance. It's not casual hanging out but it's what life's like in the DC 'burbs in 2015. The friends are all incredibly busy too.

If you, as the parent, think of "hanging out" as kids just casually turning up at each others' houses after a phone call five minutes ago, that isn't going to happen much these days; specific invitations are really what's needed. And these kids are nowhere near old enough to drive themselves anywhere, so if he's going to see friends who aren't living down the street, he and you do have to make plans with other parents, instead of just hoping for last-minute "hanging out" to materialize. .

OP, I know you don't want him to be "overscheduled" either, but do get him into an activity -- it doesn't have to be a team sport! -- that really, truly interests him. This whole area offers so many activities it's incredible, but you and he will need to do some research. He will meet kids who are also there because of interest. Shared interests, not just the mere physical proximity of living on the same street or going to the same school, are what really build meaningful friendships at this age and going forward. If he and other kids get to know each other through these activities, he'll start seeing them outside the organized activity.

[Anonymous]

Got it. Good tips. Thx

[Anonymous]

I have a 12-year-old son - he plays two sports and has a religious activity that takes up a little time, but he also isn't thrilled about initiating social plans. That's not to say that he's socially awkward or doesn't have friends. He does have friends, and he's a pretty normal pre-teen. He just waits to be asked to do something instead of initiating and this is something he's always been like. As a result, he doesn't always have plans on the weekends and he does spend too much time online on some weekends (this past one!) I will do things with him to get him out of the screen habit, but I do wish and hope that he would initiate more social plans.

[Anonymous]

My DS is 15 and I agree with the OP but my DS also does not want to socialize outside of school. He likes to spend time alone often. Makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boys 12 and 15 play 2 travel sports and go to private so they have friends all over.

But they also did not have any sports this weekend. They played basketball with neighborhood friends, sat around a fire and roasted marshmallows, took the dog down to the creek and threw rocks, rode the neighbor's hoover board, watched a movie, watched football, roasted their friends about the fantasy football league.

Why didn't your child invite a friend over the house, go to a neighbors and invite them to play, plan a movie night at his house.

You can't expect kids to be social animals if you never taught them to be that person.

People are important not things or activities. People are what get us through this cruel world. You need to teach your son how to create and foster his friendships.

You are mean and condescending.

OP here. I didn't read PP as mean. But maybe instead of "you need" she could have written "Parents need".

PP I am teaching my kid to create and foster relationships but it's a lot harder for him since most of his friends are either fully booked - ie scheduled, or just want to play video games.

My whole point was that it seems like kids, but yes boys specifically, have lost the ability to play/hang/ in person. I get that kids hang out online but as ^^ said People is what gets us through and I would like it to be face to face.

sorry, maybe I wrote curtly, it was not my intention. I do technical writing and have a hard time transitioning my writing styles.

anyway... my point is that yes, it is hard for people/boys/maybe some girls to become social people and I do think that it is important for us to teach and guide them through the process.

Unfortunately, once you get to HS you need to ensure your son knows how to "make plans" because you need to help him guide his activities away from drinking parties. Oh I miss the day of guiding him away from electronics.

Sorry again, did not intend to be condescending and mean.

[Anonymous]

OP, if your child attends a non-neighborhood school, then you probably need to be more involved. Though I'm not clear why your dd is just hanging more with friends if she's in the same school situation.

We live in a neighborhood with lots of kids, so that makes life easier, but I also really nudge my 12ds to make plans in advance.

If they have a day off school, I remind him a week early to make a plan. I give him suggestions and offer to drive him somewhere. A lot of kids aren't in sports over the winter, or they're just hour-long skills training things, but make plans in advance to go to movies, or invite someone over, or sign him up for a class with someone. Also, if he does ask to go to a friend's house after school that is further away (i.e. he can't take single bus home) then I will offer to pick him up even though it's a PITA.

I think it would be helpful for you to own up that it's not all doom and gloom. Many MS boys text to meet at the park to play pick-up, drop in on neighbor kids, or make more elaborate plans to go out to lunch or movies. But, just like making friends as adults, it takes work. GL!

[Anonymous]

PP here, and there's nothing wrong with video games. Many times lately, moreso than when they were younger, the 12/13yos will get off and play outside for awhile.

Do you have a bb hoop or skateboard or hockey sticks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you and my kid is 8. I wish there were more kids who just ran around the neighborhood or got on their bikes and went around. It's really sad to see. [u]It's like they can't just be without their parents guiding them every single step of the way.

This is where you lose me. While my kids have plenty of time with the neighborhood kids, I am not judging those that have their kids in more activities than my kids OR less activities than my kids. Fine to notice that maybe your neighborhood kids are less available for playdates, but then to judge those families where you lose me. Maybe your way is right...but maybe it isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child gets home from school at 4:15. I don't know what this vast amount of free time is that you refer to. As far as weekends, we try to do family activities, and my kids have some structured activities, but they don't hang out unattended. Parents have been arrested here for that.

No, one set of parents were arrested for an 6 and 10yr old going to the playground unattended and then the arrest was removed, they received multiple apologies and have continued to let their children play unsupervised. They are also actively suing them. They also got a huge boost for those doing free-range parenting.

But yet the OP is talking about a 12yr old. Over 4yrs old enough to stay home alone, one year away from being a teen, 3-4yrs away from driving. I am 200% positive you won't get arrested. Take the helicopter drama down.

[Anonymous]

Too many boys into time consuming sports compared to girls. Bottom line.

[Anonymous]

My 12 yo boy is out playing with his friends all weekend long and we live in the city. Most of them play team sports but in between games, they are out in the neighborhood playing manhunt, basketball, etc. However, these boys all live near each other and have gone to school together since PK - 1st grade. I think living in the neighborhood where you go to school is the main facilitator.