Why are our boys overschrduled lost?

[Anonymous]

Another weekend with 12yr DS home, no friends to hang w. No kids in our neighborhood and classmates spread across city. DS has friends at school but it's not transferring to weekends. Most his friends playing online games which we keep to minimum. Tried team soccer but at this age kids too serious for him. Whatever happened to boys riding bikes around the neighborhood or building a dam in Rock Creek? Why are all our boys either sucked in video games or scheduled activities? My 10yr DD has so many opportunities to hang w friends to play dolls, put on a play, bake, dance... What's happened to our boys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another weekend with 12yr DS home, no friends to hang w. No kids in our neighborhood and classmates spread across city. DS has friends at school but it's not transferring to weekends. Most his friends playing online games which we keep to minimum. Tried team soccer but at this age kids too serious for him. Whatever happened to boys riding bikes around the neighborhood or building a dam in Rock Creek? Why are all our boys either sucked in video games or scheduled activities? My 10yr DD has so many opportunities to hang w friends to play dolls, put on a play, bake, dance... What's happened to our boys?

I don't think it's the difference between boys and girls but the ages. Is your 10 year old in elementary while your 12 year old is in middle school? Most families have made weekends about kids' activities or family time. If they haven't, middle school kids are spread out enough that parents would need to cart them all over, which is part of why online gaming with friends is so popular. Middle school is an appropriate time for kids to get more serious about sports, but there are also other activities that he could do on the weekends, things which might be more interesting to him. Or you could decide to do family activities on the weekends. Or he can learn to do things by himself. It's part of getting to the age when an adult doesn't need to be watching every couple minutes, or possibly even every hour or so.

[Anonymous]

Have you just time-traveled from the 1970s, OP?

In our neighborhood, playing in the street stops after elementary school. In good weather, the little ones often play outside. But as the kids' extra-curriculars get serious, with practice or lessons nearly every day of the week and nearly all weekend, it becomes impossible. None of the children I know play video games all day. It's all scheduled enrichment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Have you just time-traveled from the 1970s, OP?

In our neighborhood, playing in the street stops after elementary school. In good weather, the little ones often play outside. But as the kids' extra-curriculars get serious, with practice or lessons nearly every day of the week and nearly all weekend, it becomes impossible. None of the children I know play video games all day. It's all scheduled enrichment.

OP here. My post should have read over scheduled OR lost. Why so much scheduled "enrichment"? Not every kid is serious about sport/lessons. What do those boys do? Yes we do family time but not both days. There are house projects to be done and basic living logistics. But you are right, I'm probably harking to past times... But again, how did that happen in 1 generation

[Anonymous]

I agree with you and my kid is 8. I wish there were more kids who just ran around the neighborhood or got on their bikes and went around. It's really sad to see. It's like they can't just be without their parents guiding them every single step of the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Have you just time-traveled from the 1970s, OP?

In our neighborhood, playing in the street stops after elementary school. In good weather, the little ones often play outside. But as the kids' extra-curriculars get serious, with practice or lessons nearly every day of the week and nearly all weekend, it becomes impossible. None of the children I know play video games all day. It's all scheduled enrichment.

OP here. My post should have read over scheduled OR lost. Why so much scheduled "enrichment"? Not every kid is serious about sport/lessons. What do those boys do? Yes we do family time but not both days. There are house projects to be done and basic living logistics. But you are right, I'm probably harking to past times... But again, how did that happen in 1 generation

I'm the PP you responded to.

Here's our schedule. Each child has lessons in their native language (non-negotiable), one sport (may drop this in middle or high school) and one musical instrument (non-negotiable). There are several practices a week for the sport. They practice their music at home every day, rehearse and play at recitals and concerts, and spend significant time learning our native language in depth (history, culture, grammar, etc). They are in elementary school, so occasionally do get out to play in the street, but I can tell that these days are numbered for my 5th grader, who has actual homework for his American school too! Sometimes they prefer to read, build with Legos, draw and paint, etc. At their age, I always read instead of socializing with school or neighborhood friends.

There are many options, OP, and your son will definitely NOT be scarred for life by the absence of friends on weekends.

[Anonymous]

Agree it's the extra-curriculars. Sports take a lot of time. My 11 year old doesn't do a travel team but in fall/spring plays little league. His favorite activity is filmmaking and attends classes on Saturdays to pursue that. Some of his school friends have scouts and almost all do at least one sport.

He goes to a charter school in the city, and transportation and other kids' schedules make hangouts challenging. We do let him take Metro to go to friends houses much of the time which helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you and my kid is 8. I wish there were more kids who just ran around the neighborhood or got on their bikes and went around. It's really sad to see. It's like they can't just be without their parents guiding them every single step of the way.

They can be, they just want to do it on line. Online is where all my son's friends from school are hanging out. It is way more convenient than having to get someone to drive you to a friend's house. Often they aren't even playing -- they are just chatting -- a group for 3 or 4 of them. Or, they are playing different online games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Have you just time-traveled from the 1970s, OP?

In our neighborhood, playing in the street stops after elementary school. In good weather, the little ones often play outside. But as the kids' extra-curriculars get serious, with practice or lessons nearly every day of the week and nearly all weekend, it becomes impossible. None of the children I know play video games all day. It's all scheduled enrichment.

OP here. My post should have read over scheduled OR lost. Why so much scheduled "enrichment"? Not every kid is serious about sport/lessons. What do those boys do? Yes we do family time but not both days. There are house projects to be done and basic living logistics. But you are right, I'm probably harking to past times... But again, how did that happen in 1 generation

I'm the PP you responded to.

Here's our schedule. Each child has lessons in their native language (non-negotiable), one sport (may drop this in middle or high school) and one musical instrument (non-negotiable). There are several practices a week for the sport. They practice their music at home every day, rehearse and play at recitals and concerts, and spend significant time learning our native language in depth (history, culture, grammar, etc). They are in elementary school, so occasionally do get out to play in the street, but I can tell that these days are numbered for my 5th grader, who has actual homework for his American school too! Sometimes they prefer to read, build with Legos, draw and paint, etc. At their age, I always read instead of socializing with school or neighborhood friends.

There are many options, OP, and your son will definitely NOT be scarred for life by the absence of friends on weekends.

Chinese or Korean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Have you just time-traveled from the 1970s, OP?

In our neighborhood, playing in the street stops after elementary school. In good weather, the little ones often play outside. But as the kids' extra-curriculars get serious, with practice or lessons nearly every day of the week and nearly all weekend, it becomes impossible. None of the children I know play video games all day. It's all scheduled enrichment.

OP here. My post should have read over scheduled OR lost. Why so much scheduled "enrichment"? Not every kid is serious about sport/lessons. What do those boys do? Yes we do family time but not both days. There are house projects to be done and basic living logistics. But you are right, I'm probably harking to past times... But again, how did that happen in 1 generation

I'm the PP you responded to.

Here's our schedule. Each child has lessons in their native language (non-negotiable), one sport (may drop this in middle or high school) and one musical instrument (non-negotiable). There are several practices a week for the sport. They practice their music at home every day, rehearse and play at recitals and concerts, and spend significant time learning our native language in depth (history, culture, grammar, etc). They are in elementary school, so occasionally do get out to play in the street, but I can tell that these days are numbered for my 5th grader, who has actual homework for his American school too! Sometimes they prefer to read, build with Legos, draw and paint, etc. At their age, I always read instead of socializing with school or neighborhood friends.

There are many options, OP, and your son will definitely NOT be scarred for life by the absence of friends on weekends.

Chinese or Korean?

Ha! French (hence the heavy grammar - I don't think there is any grammar to speak of in Asian languages, it's all tonal).
Your question was a bit prejudiced, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Have you just time-traveled from the 1970s, OP?

In our neighborhood, playing in the street stops after elementary school. In good weather, the little ones often play outside. But as the kids' extra-curriculars get serious, with practice or lessons nearly every day of the week and nearly all weekend, it becomes impossible. None of the children I know play video games all day. It's all scheduled enrichment.

OP here. My post should have read over scheduled OR lost. Why so much scheduled "enrichment"? Not every kid is serious about sport/lessons. What do those boys do? Yes we do family time but not both days. There are house projects to be done and basic living logistics. But you are right, I'm probably harking to past times... But again, how did that happen in 1 generation

I'm the PP you responded to.

Here's our schedule. Each child has lessons in their native language (non-negotiable), one sport (may drop this in middle or high school) and one musical instrument (non-negotiable). There are several practices a week for the sport. They practice their music at home every day, rehearse and play at recitals and concerts, and spend significant time learning our native language in depth (history, culture, grammar, etc). They are in elementary school, so occasionally do get out to play in the street, but I can tell that these days are numbered for my 5th grader, who has actual homework for his American school too! Sometimes they prefer to read, build with Legos, draw and paint, etc. At their age, I always read instead of socializing with school or neighborhood friends.

There are many options, OP, and your son will definitely NOT be scarred for life by the absence of friends on weekends.

Chinese or Korean?

Not PP but that is an asinine assumption. Our kids have a comparable schedule -- including the native language studying -- and we're from a West-European country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Have you just time-traveled from the 1970s, OP?

In our neighborhood, playing in the street stops after elementary school. In good weather, the little ones often play outside. But as the kids' extra-curriculars get serious, with practice or lessons nearly every day of the week and nearly all weekend, it becomes impossible. None of the children I know play video games all day. It's all scheduled enrichment.

What the heck? Life outside of the DC Metro helicopter tiger moms committee shows that boys DO indeed still ride bikes, skateboard,venture into the woods, play street hockey, basketball pick-up games etc... Sure there is some more online gaming but life in DCUM area is not the norm.

What you all fail to realize is it the parents fault. Starting activities at 1yrs old. Forcing year round sports, planning events, ultiple time a week activities, overworking themselves etc...

[Anonymous]

My child gets home from school at 4:15. I don't know what this vast amount of free time is that you refer to. As far as weekends, we try to do family activities, and my kids have some structured activities, but they don't hang out unattended. Parents have been arrested here for that.

[Anonymous]

My 12 year old son has friends in the neighborhood and they play and ride bikes all weekend. Most of them do have activities to get to but they still find time to play. My DD had a harder time at this age so I don't think it is just a boy thing.

[Anonymous]

My son gets home from school after 5:00 on Monday and Wednesday, after 6:00 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and 2:00 on Fridays. He is on a competitive travel sports teams, but his friends are on different teams, play different sports, some are musicians and others are performers. When we have free time on the weekends or early Fridays we go skiing and snowboarding, and will often take along a pack of kids. He's drifted away from any of his old friends who sit around and play video games. In the summer he still loves to run around in the woods and be unstructured, but he doesn't care to do that around here on the weekends in the winter.