Reply to Why are our boys overschrduled lost?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My boys 12 and 15 play 2 travel sports and go to private so they have friends all over.

But they also did not have any sports this weekend. They played basketball with neighborhood friends, sat around a fire and roasted marshmallows, took the dog down to the creek and threw rocks, rode the neighbor's hoover board, watched a movie, watched football, roasted their friends about the fantasy football league.

Why didn't your child invite a friend over the house, go to a neighbors and invite them to play, plan a movie night at his house.

You can't expect kids to be social animals if you never taught them to be that person.

People are important not things or activities. People are what get us through this cruel world. You need to teach your son how to create and foster his friendships. [/quote]

You are mean and condescending. [/quote]

OP here. I didn't read PP as mean.  But maybe instead of "you need" she could have written "Parents need".

PP I am teaching my kid to create and foster relationships but it's a lot harder for him since most of his friends are either fully booked - ie scheduled, or just want to play video games.

[b]My whole point was that it seems like kids, but yes boys specifically, have lost the ability to play/hang/ in person. I get that kids hang out online but as ^^ said People is what gets us through and I would like it to be face to face[/b].[/quote]

PP is right that your son could do more inviting. And is he asking kids to do things, say, on Saturday midafternoon? Many will be at a sport or other activity then; just embrace that fact, and be willing to work with it. Maybe see about Saturday movie night instead, or see if he has friends from school who are free over the winter break for a day--video games together in the morning, take them for pizza later; or laser tag with a friend. Use holidays and breaks if there are particular friends with whom he wants to keep in touch. We have to do that since my 14-year-old has a very demanding extracurricular; we plan in advance for her to see friends on Monday school holidays or over the break, or we find activities and plan them with friends well in advance. It's not casual hanging out but it's what life's like in the DC 'burbs in 2015. The friends are all incredibly busy too.

If you, as the parent, think of "hanging out" as kids just casually turning up at each others' houses after a phone call five minutes ago, that isn't going to happen much these days; specific invitations are really what's needed. And these kids are nowhere near old enough to drive themselves anywhere, so if he's going to see friends who aren't living down the street, he and you do have to make plans with other parents, instead of just hoping for last-minute "hanging out" to materialize. .

OP, I know you don't want him to be "overscheduled" either, but do get him into an activity -- it doesn't have to be a team sport! -- that really, truly interests him. This whole area offers so many activities it's incredible, but you and he will need to do some research. He will meet kids who are also there because of interest. Shared interests, not just the mere physical proximity of living on the same street or going to the same school, are what really build meaningful friendships at this age and going forward. If he and other kids get to know each other through these activities, he'll start seeing them outside the organized activity.[/quote]

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