In Laws invite DH's ex wife and child on holidays we don't have the child

[Anonymous]

Unanimity on DCUM! AMAZING. Are you paying attention, OP. This is good advice, take it.
Doubt we will hear from OP again as this is not what she wanted to hear.

[Anonymous]

First of all, you don't need to worry about how and with whom the first wife shares her holidays. That's none of your business. If she feels comfortable taking her child to see your husband's parents over the holidays, then it is fine. I'm sure she also spends plenty of time with her own family.

You chose to enter into a marriage where a first wife and children from a previous marriage would be involved. This is one of the "realities" of your chosen situation. Deal with it.

[Anonymous]

My parents, I, and other siblings still socialize with my brother's ex-wife. We get to see the kids more this way and my ex-SIL is a lovely woman. You are going to have to get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If ex is not there when you are there, I don't see the problem. It's not disrespectful -- when couples divorce, the entire family is not compelled to divorce. If they invited ex INSTEAD of you, that would be a problem. But since DH and the ex do not get along, they invite her when you and he are not there. Seems pretty damn smart to me.

If you don't want to ever deal with the existence of an ex, well...its too late.

+1

+2. My sister is divorced and remarried but we still see my ex-BIL often because they have joint custody of their daughter and he is kind enough to bring her to our family stuff when my niece is with him. If my new BIL or my sister made a stink about it (which they don't), it would really negatively impact our relationship with sister and BIL. The fact that they all make the effort (despite the contentious divorce) really means a lot to the rest of us. My sister and ex-BIL really don't like each other but you would never know it from observing them together or how they treat each other because they have a child to raise. That's what matters.

You're husband had a child with this woman, you married him knowing that, there's a reason why they say when you have a child with someone, they'll be in your life forever. This is just how it goes, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a relative who has been divorced for 30 years - the now adult child and ex-wife still go visit and spend weekends with the grandparents. It's called being gracious and mature. In your case, the gp's are nice and respectful enough to not invite the ex around when you and DH are around. You need to look at how they are treating the ex, you want to know if that was ever you, that you would receive the same type of gracious treatment. Time to grow up. I am a stepmom and sure as hell wish my stepkids mother was as willing to be involved in the family and with her child.

+1
Grow up OP (and husband).
My husband's brother invites his ex-wife to all functions he hosts even though she took up with his dad (now deceased) after they divorced! He has moved on and is happy in his new life with his new wife, and is thinking about his children's happiness. Awkward, yes, but he deals and I have so much respect for him because of how he has handled things.

[Anonymous]

You feel slighted about who your in-laws invite to their home when you aren't there? C'mon. They are handling this as respectfully as they can, they don't owe you a heads up or an explanation, so you really need to do your best to get over this one.

[Anonymous]

I am pretty shocked at the responses actually. I think if 99% of you were actually in this situation you would be livid. I don't buy for a second that you would be cool with it. I know that my wife would hit the roof if she were in this situation.

[Anonymous]

You don't have the right to tell people, especially in laws who they can be friends with. Sounds like they like her and probably believe their own son is a jerk for not being with her. She sounds lovely.

Be honest with yourself - did the divorce take place because your husband cheated on his ex with you?? If so then you should know what your in laws really think about the two of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty shocked at the responses actually. I think if 99% of you were actually in this situation you would be livid. I don't buy for a second that you would be cool with it. I know that my wife would hit the roof if she were in this situation.

From the responses, a couple of us ARE in this situation, either as the step-mom or the family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty shocked at the responses actually. I think if 99% of you were actually in this situation you would be livid. I don't buy for a second that you would be cool with it. I know that my wife would hit the roof if she were in this situation.

Hi, OP!! Glad to see you have returned.

[Anonymous]

OP here - they were married for 1 year after daughter was born and then divorced. We got married 6 years later and have 2 kids. She has been very difficult demanding and limits access and everyone has been aware of this. Mil goes above and beyond for her and daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty shocked at the responses actually. I think if 99% of you were actually in this situation you would be livid. I don't buy for a second that you would be cool with it. I know that my wife would hit the roof if she were in this situation.

Really? Why? I think the grandparents can socialize with whoever they feel like. Some people believe in being mature, and someone isn't blacklisted from the family just because of a divorce, ESPECIALLY when a child is involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - they were married for 1 year after daughter was born and then divorced. We got married 6 years later and have 2 kids. She has been very difficult demanding and limits access and everyone has been aware of this. Mil goes above and beyond for her and daughter.

Omg, OP. DH has moved on and created a new family with you. Yet, you still begrudge this girl extra time with her grandparents because you feel
"Slighted" ? Disgusting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - they were married for 1 year after daughter was born and then divorced. We got married 6 years later and have 2 kids. She has been very difficult demanding and limits access and everyone has been aware of this. Mil goes above and beyond for her and daughter.

Well then maybe the MIL is showing a little extra attention/love to a kid whose parents have been divorced her whole life and doesn't have such a great Mom. Perhaps your MIL doesn't have the same concerns for your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - they were married for 1 year after daughter was born and then divorced. We got married 6 years later and have 2 kids. She has been very difficult demanding and limits access and everyone has been aware of this. Mil goes above and beyond for her and daughter.

Omg, OP. DH has moved on and created a new family with you. Yet, you still begrudge this girl extra time with her grandparents because you feel
"Slighted" ? Disgusting

I have no issue with her spending extra time with their grandparents. In fact they often babysit for ex so she can go on trips or dates. It is specifically the ex. This has only happened in recent years so it has not been the norm.