How to handle in-laws who ignore me

[Anonymous]

Hi there OP - I think the best revenge is happiness --- so, ignore her passive aggressive behavior and try not to appear to need her validation etc....honestly, I would book yourself a massage at a hotel nearby for after the dinner (or at some point during those three days) for yourself and your DH's mom to go together or just do it solo and smile......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

invites friends over and then hangs out with them in another room and completely ignores me

If it isn't your house then it's odd that you would care.
~ there's some real gaps here in what you are revealing, Op.

I'm also confused about the situation.

[Anonymous]

OP, this sounds like my situation, too, whenever I visit the in-laws. I go into the same room that everyone seems to be congregating in, be it the kitchen, family room, back yard, and then within 10-15 minutes, I'm alone. It's like I am in the way or something. No one says anything negative to me or anything, it just sort of happens.
I like the idea of bringing a book next time and just losing myself in reading.

[Anonymous]

Bull. You confront her in front of the whole family! This is what I did in a similar situation and, believe me, all of their crap ceased immediately.

[Anonymous]

I need some examples of passive aggressive comments she makes.

But honestly, kill her with kindness. And ignore her right back. It's ok to have a superficial relationship with someone. When she goes to another room with her friends, that's a great time to lean over to your DH and say "I'm going to get some air" and then DISAPPEAR.

[Anonymous]

When you feel that she's making a passive-aggressive comment, calmly and directly ask her, "What do you mean by that?" Passive-aggressive people don't want to actually be called out on their behavior and avoid confrontation. The key is to not lose your cool. Playing dumb isn't a good strategy either, because then you're playing a silly game as well. Be assertive and polite.

[Anonymous]

Ugh OP I could have written this. Same thing here. I think my last visit the only "family member" who acknowledged me the entire visit was their dog, who I happen to love more than anyone else in my husband's family. SIL always brings friend. I don't think anyone even said hi to me. The jokes on them though, cause I'm pregnant and were hiding it until the first trimester is over. After the baby is born, all of our future holidays will be at our house no exceptions and I could care less if they choose to be involved. No advice really, except grin and bear it. I did drink to pass the time before pregnancy staying nice and toasted makes them easier to be around! Ill probably need to utlilize walks this holiday season to get away! Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh OP I could have written this. Same thing here. I think my last visit the only "family member" who acknowledged me the entire visit was their dog, who I happen to love more than anyone else in my husband's family. SIL always brings friend. I don't think anyone even said hi to me. The jokes on them though, cause I'm pregnant and were hiding it until the first trimester is over. After the baby is born, all of our future holidays will be at our house no exceptions and I could care less if they choose to be involved. No advice really, except grin and bear it. I did drink to pass the time before pregnancy staying nice and toasted makes them easier to be around! Ill probably need to utlilize walks this holiday season to get away! Good luck!

You sound like a peach. I can't imagine why they wouldn't want to be around you.

[Anonymous]

I am a peach, thanks so much for noticing! I was worried my special light wouldn't shine through on an anonymous board! You have no idea just how detrimental these people are to my husband which is why HE not me, has made the holiday rule moving forward. and my response was directed to OP who I'm sure understands exactly why people would need to set that sort of limit for certain family members. Happy thanksgiving PP. Back off. Direct your judgement somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Play with your kids the entire time and ignore them. That is what I plan to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a peach, thanks so much for noticing! I was worried my special light wouldn't shine through on an anonymous board! You have no idea just how detrimental these people are to my husband which is why HE not me, has made the holiday rule moving forward. and my response was directed to OP who I'm sure understands exactly why people would need to set that sort of limit for certain family members. Happy thanksgiving PP. Back off. Direct your judgement somewhere else.

You are the gift who just keeps giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Play with your kids the entire time and ignore them. That is what I plan to do.

Oh wait, PP here. I am doing that for 3 hours. If it's three days you are going to have to get out of the house and bring a book like others said.

[Anonymous]

Where is DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is DH?

I would demand he speaks up and calls his family out on their behavior.

Talk with DH and tell him you expect a "Hey. That's not a nice thing to say."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a peach, thanks so much for noticing! I was worried my special light wouldn't shine through on an anonymous board! You have no idea just how detrimental these people are to my husband which is why HE not me, has made the holiday rule moving forward. and my response was directed to OP who I'm sure understands exactly why people would need to set that sort of limit for certain family members. Happy thanksgiving PP. Back off. Direct your judgement somewhere else.

You are the gift who just keeps giving.

Why are you picking on this PP, who seems to have perfectly valid reasons for wanting to avoid her in laws? Also, what sort of person makes a comment like "You sound like a peach"?