Sketchy or paranoid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you guys all okay with snooping and reading your husbands texts? Would you want him on your phone? And don't say "I have nothing to hide" - it is still snooping.

It's not snooping when you stumble upon something, or the person does something, that makes you suspicious.

She didn't stumble upon it. It's not like the message popped up and she read that one message. She read entire conversations. That's full on snooping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you guys all okay with snooping and reading your husbands texts? Would you want him on your phone? And don't say "I have nothing to hide" - it is still snooping.

It's not snooping when you stumble upon something, or the person does something, that makes you suspicious.

She didn't stumble upon it. It's not like the message popped up and she read that one message. She read entire conversations. That's full on snooping.

No, not when your gut is telling you something is wrong. If your teenager started acting funny and you suspected drugs for some reason, you would go through their room. Same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you guys all okay with snooping and reading your husbands texts? Would you want him on your phone? And don't say "I have nothing to hide" - it is still snooping.

It's not snooping when you stumble upon something, or the person does something, that makes you suspicious.

How is it not snooping? She was texting his father, and clicked on other texts, then read them - going months back.

Being suspicious means you ASK your spouse, you do not violate their privacy. It is definitely snooping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you guys all okay with snooping and reading your husbands texts? Would you want him on your phone? And don't say "I have nothing to hide" - it is still snooping.

+1. I would be livid if my spouse confronted me about a text message exchange. I had an ex-gf do this to me, I handed her my phone, went for a walk and told her to give me back my phone when she was content that she had snooped sufficiently. I dumped her the next day.

Unless your DH is the biggest idiot in the history of the planet, you have zero to worry about. If he was cheating with this woman, he would be communicating with her on a secret account. He would be meticulous about keeping a deleting her texts. He sure as hell wouldn't give you access to his unlocked phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you guys all okay with snooping and reading your husbands texts? Would you want him on your phone? And don't say "I have nothing to hide" - it is still snooping.

It's not snooping when you stumble upon something, or the person does something, that makes you suspicious.

How is it not snooping? She was texting his father, and clicked on other texts, then read them - going months back.

Being suspicious means you ASK your spouse, you do not violate their privacy. It is definitely snooping.

That was good for a laugh. You do realize that if you ask you will get the same answer whether they did anything wrong or not: they will deny it. Although, one tip-off that they may have been up to something is that they will "gas-light" you. Finally, asking will just motivate them to do a better job of covering their tracks in the future.

[Anonymous]

Paranoid gets my vote.

Relatedly, I have never understood this impulse to play "gotcha!" with your spouse. My marriage is good. I suppose my DW could be cheating on me when she travels for work, but I wouldn't know it, it doesn't affect me, and what am I going to do with information if I found it? I don't snoop like this OP because its a huge violation. But at the same time, I don't want to be a dog catching a bus, not knowing what to do if I actually caught the bus.

[Anonymous]

If he was inappropriately flirting what are you going to do about it OP?
You gonna jump out from behind the tree and yell, "AH HAAAAA!!!" or are you intending to talk to him about his behavior which you find upsetting?
If it's the former then enjoy your torturous wait for that "Ah Haaaa" moment and have fun sinking into various realms of doubt, depression, anger, anxiety, and outright lunacy - let us know if/when you catch him.
If it's the latter then what the hell are you waiting for? You're obviously upset about it, maybe not full blown furious and accusatory, but you're evidently concerned so why delay the inevitable and talk to your husband about your concerns.
Geezus it's like y'all want to be stressed out and suspicious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he was inappropriately flirting what are you going to do about it OP?
You gonna jump out from behind the tree and yell, "AH HAAAAA!!!" or are you intending to talk to him about his behavior which you find upsetting?
If it's the former then enjoy your torturous wait for that "Ah Haaaa" moment and have fun sinking into various realms of doubt, depression, anger, anxiety, and outright lunacy - let us know if/when you catch him.
If it's the latter then what the hell are you waiting for? You're obviously upset about it, maybe not full blown furious and accusatory, but you're evidently concerned so why delay the inevitable and talk to your husband about your concerns.
Geezus it's like y'all want to be stressed out and suspicious.

Probably put him through the wringer for years as he attempts to salvage their relationship and beg for her forgiveness.

Some women just love to have their husbands continually groveling in desperation. It makes them feel powerful.

[Anonymous]

Just FYI that lots of affairs take place during work hours, especially if the people are coworkers. I was sure my husband couldn't have time to have an affair because he was home when not working, but I was wrong. He also deleted select texts and left his phone unlocked. I only figured it out while using another one of his devices to look something up (a normal practice for us) and a blatant text popped up. I went to look at the thread and it was incredible. I needed a couple of days to process before confronting him, and took a look at his phone and the blatant texts were not there. Apparently he was deleting them on his phone but didn't realize the other device also got his texts and he wasn't synching them.

I doubt this is happening to you, OP but you can ask him and see how he responds. My husband actually admitted it and then broke off the affair, he says. Our status is still to be determined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I had an ex-gf do this to me, I handed her my phone, went for a walk and told her to give me back my phone when she was content that she had snooped sufficiently. I dumped her the next day.

best.post.ever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just FYI that lots of affairs take place during work hours, especially if the people are coworkers. I was sure my husband couldn't have time to have an affair because he was home when not working, but I was wrong. He also deleted select texts and left his phone unlocked. I only figured it out while using another one of his devices to look something up (a normal practice for us) and a blatant text popped up. I went to look at the thread and it was incredible. I needed a couple of days to process before confronting him, and took a look at his phone and the blatant texts were not there. Apparently he was deleting them on his phone but didn't realize the other device also got his texts and he wasn't synching them.

I doubt this is happening to you, OP but you can ask him and see how he responds. My husband actually admitted it and then broke off the affair, he says. Our status is still to be determined.

this right here, sounds like an emotional affair to me, which can lead to a physical affair. How does she act towards you? Are you invited to their meetups?

[Anonymous]

Yes, he can delete part of the conversation which is what looks like he did knowing that in the future you may have access to his phone.

I smell a rat, though I have no solid proof here. Why would someone intentionally hide parts of a conversation if it were truly innocent?

I know you WANT to believe he isn't cheating and I would too in your shoes.

But objectively speaking, I get the feeling something is going on. Even if he is just flirting, isn't that inappropriate behavior on his end?

[Anonymous]

If he was cheating, why would he ask you to respond to a text on his phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you guys all okay with snooping and reading your husbands texts? Would you want him on your phone? And don't say "I have nothing to hide" - it is still snooping.

+1. I would be livid if my spouse confronted me about a text message exchange. I had an ex-gf do this to me, I handed her my phone, went for a walk and told her to give me back my phone when she was content that she had snooped sufficiently. I dumped her the next day.

Unless your DH is the biggest idiot in the history of the planet, you have zero to worry about. If he was cheating with this woman, he would be communicating with her on a secret account. He would be meticulous about keeping a deleting her texts. He sure as hell wouldn't give you access to his unlocked phone.

Sorry, but lots of people think they are going to stay on top of the deceptive part of cheating, and don't. Telling an AP to text only rarely and then deleting selective texts is a lot easier than using a burner phone and trying to hide it. But people get sloppy. I know at least two people who caught their husbands cheating with co-workers based on text messages that were on an unlocked phone. Selectively deleting incriminating ones, but leaving ones that were plausibly work related.

People get insecure and people sometimes need reassurance. I certainly wouldn't dump my husband if something made him feel so insecure that he felt that he needed to read my text messages. I'd want to know because I'd want to help rebuild his sense of security in our relationship. I certainly wouldn't dump him for it. (And frankly, I have nothing to hide and no expectation of privacy from him on my phone; we're partners.) It's weird to me that some of you are so secretive about text messages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you guys all okay with snooping and reading your husbands texts? Would you want him on your phone? And don't say "I have nothing to hide" - it is still snooping.

+1. I would be livid if my spouse confronted me about a text message exchange. I had an ex-gf do this to me, I handed her my phone, went for a walk and told her to give me back my phone when she was content that she had snooped sufficiently. I dumped her the next day.

Unless your DH is the biggest idiot in the history of the planet, you have zero to worry about. If he was cheating with this woman, he would be communicating with her on a secret account. He would be meticulous about keeping a deleting her texts. He sure as hell wouldn't give you access to his unlocked phone.

Sorry, but lots of people think they are going to stay on top of the deceptive part of cheating, and don't. Telling an AP to text only rarely and then deleting selective texts is a lot easier than using a burner phone and trying to hide it. But people get sloppy. I know at least two people who caught their husbands cheating with co-workers based on text messages that were on an unlocked phone. Selectively deleting incriminating ones, but leaving ones that were plausibly work related.

People get insecure and people sometimes need reassurance. I certainly wouldn't dump my husband if something made him feel so insecure that he felt that he needed to read my text messages. I'd want to know because I'd want to help rebuild his sense of security in our relationship. I certainly wouldn't dump him for it. (And frankly, I have nothing to hide and no expectation of privacy from him on my phone; we're partners.) It's weird to me that some of you are so secretive about text messages.

Even in marriage there is privacy. It's weird to me people feel it's okay to read personal text messages that are not on their phone.