My boyfriend loves me, but has no sex drive.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend loves me. We've been together for a year. We have never had sex. We didn't want to jump into it. Well, now I'm ready - and I've brought it up to him. He told me that he has zero sex drive. He feels empty and emotionless. He physically can't have sex. But he says that he loves me and wants a future with me. What do I do? Is there anything I can say/do to help him "snap out of this"?

Marry him. Sex is not that important to women as shown by you going a full year without it while "dating". Many of the women on the no sex thread would love a guy like this. Some people just have low sex drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend loves me. We've been together for a year. We have never had sex. We didn't want to jump into it. Well, now I'm ready - and I've brought it up to him. He told me that he has zero sex drive. He feels empty and emotionless. He physically can't have sex. But he says that he loves me and wants a future with me. What do I do? Is there anything I can say/do to help him "snap out of this"?

No.

You have a sex drive. He doesn't. You cannot make this relationship work. You need to break up with him and find someone who has a similar sex drive to you. Mismatches in sex drives make terrible relationships.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's asexual.

[Anonymous]

Can you spend your life with him with zero sex?

If not you need to tell him that. Then he needs to decide if this is something he wants to address.

He needs to see a doctor. But he has to decide that - not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you spend your life with him with zero sex?

If not you need to tell him that. Then he needs to decide if this is something he wants to address.

He needs to see a doctor. But he has to decide that - not you.

+1 Don't marry him with the expectation that he will regain his sex drive, or that there's something you can do to help him get it back.

[Anonymous]

This isn't just about intercourse. Men who are incapable of having sex have lots of self esteem and depression issues. I can't imagine how horrible the communication is between the two of you that it took a year for this to come up. This is the most in love and attracted this man will ever be towards you and he has no interest, you think 5 years from now he'll have more desire and attraction?

This relationship has about a thousand red flags. If you're contemplating marriage then at least have some premarital counseling.

[Anonymous]

How many permutations of mismatched libido and/or sexual interest can appear on the first page of this forum?

[Anonymous]

I love my husband with all of my being, but it would be an absolute dealbreaker for me if he was not very skilled in bed. I can't even imagine if he had zero interest in sex.

[Anonymous]

You want to marry someone who feels empty and emotionless?

Why?

Do you mean sex makes him feel empty and emotionless?
Do you think it's possible he was abused?

As others have told you this is your relationship, he has to want to change to undergo therapy if he doesn't want to move on.

[Anonymous]

Unless you are both thirteen, this is weird to me.

Either he is gay or perhaps he has a hard time getting it up.

This has zero to do with you and everything to do with him.

A year is a long time to wait...For nothing.

[Anonymous]

Don't hang the decision to marry on what you think he can become. Marry someone because you love him for being himself.

[Anonymous]

I though asexual too. OP, look into it.

[Anonymous]

Sex is just one part of a relationship, and if you've gone a year without, it's clearly not a priority. In a few years, you may be just like him. If you are otherwise compatible...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You want to marry someone who feels empty and emotionless?

Why?

Do you mean sex makes him feel empty and emotionless?
Do you think it's possible he was abused?

As others have told you this is your relationship, he has to want to change to undergo therapy if he doesn't want to move on.

Move on now. Don't even wait for it. If he has this many emotional problems in a fairly early relationship, he is going to be a nightmare as a long term partner. He needs to solve his problems before he dates someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend loves me. We've been together for a year. We have never had sex. We didn't want to jump into it. Well, now I'm ready - and I've brought it up to him. He told me that he has zero sex drive. He feels empty and emotionless. He physically can't have sex. But he says that he loves me and wants a future with me. What do I do? Is there anything I can say/do to help him "snap out of this"?

No.

You have a sex drive. He doesn't. You cannot make this relationship work. You need to break up with him and find someone who has a similar sex drive to you. Mismatches in sex drives make terrible relationships.

I agree with this.