Those reminders my child isn't blending

[Anonymous]

So far our experience is that our HFA kid blends in and is fully accepted only with other HFA (or close to it) kids.

[Anonymous]

I had a parent tell me that her child described mine as: "the one who cries." So, I know DC is isolated socially... But mcps still won't place us anywhere else because academically DC is on grade level. :/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a parent tell me that her child described mine as: "the one who cries." So, I know DC is isolated socially... But mcps still won't place us anywhere else because academically DC is on grade level. :/

Mine was that kid for about 2 years of preschool and most parents were respectful, but there is always that parent or 2 who feels the need to say things like "Why does your child cry so much" or "Larla always tells me how many times your child cries each day. She sure notices the days he isn't at school."

[Anonymous]

It is what it is. Denial doesn't do the kid any good.

[Anonymous]

No denying here! I would actually love a placement in an Aspergers program. We don't want to blend in. We want to leave! My child begs for me to take him out of this school. It's heartbreaking!

[Anonymous]

My child's teacher told me it's great to have my child in the class bc it gives the other quieter children an opportunity to be the leader when helping him! Made me feel like crap to hear that. My HFA is so confident at home surrounded by family-I just wish it would translate to the outside world.

[Anonymous]

Mom of a NT (minority) child here: the month after my first grader started a new school, I found myself in conversation with the mother of one of her classmates. I said, "DD tells me that Larla sits next to her in class, and she appreciates her friendship." (An off hand comment, i was not pitching for a playdate or additional social interaction.)

The response: "No, not really, classroom seating arrangements rotate every week, and they will be changing soon." Have no idea why she said that, but not particularly nice.

So please, whatever you do, don't let the ridiculous comments of other parents dint your enthusiastic support of your DC. Moment in, moment out.

[Anonymous]

I'd like to give my two cents as an autistic adult who grew up without a diagnosis fully mainstreamed.

I never fit in. And I never will. It is that simple. I will always be different from the NT people around me. I can pretend and act like them at the expense of exhausting myself and physically making myself sick. Or I can be myself and wait for those people who accept and like me just like that.

OP. Blending in should not be your goal. A penguin in the desert will never be able to swim and will always struggle to survive. It's the environment that needs to change to let your child thrive, be happy, and reach their full potential. Not the child. Yes, services are needed and can help a lot. But ULTIMATELY you need to find an environment that fits your child and have him meet children like him.

I have spent my entire life in an NT environment and it was hell. I could never be good enough because "good" was determined by the society around me. I stood no chance. I have now made a huge personal step towards accepting my disability: I started working at a facility for the disabled. And guess what...every single person there accepts me exactly the way I am. Some are more severely disabled than me, some less. But nobody stares. Nobody makes rude comments. For the first time I am accepted with all my strengths but also all my weaknesses. It is changing my life in a way I never thought possible. Have your son meet people like him. And by all means find a school for him that truly is inclusive meaning not trying to change him to fit him but truly accommodating his needs and accepting him with his entire being.

[Anonymous]

My DS9 is in 3rd grade-- he has ADHD and social pragmatic language disability. It's apparently not HFA according to his neuropsych-- but sometimes it sure looks that way.

I'm reminded that he doesn't blend when he's in groups if other boys. He doesn't communicate the same way and seems socially immature and awkward.

DS has a gifted IQ and it can make the problem worse because he likes to talk (at length) about things other kids don't don't enjoy for the most part and doesn't take social cues to move off the topic. Inevitably, someone gets irritated and starts making mean comments.

I feel so bad for him- he wants to make friends but struggles with social rules and language.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd like to give my two cents as an autistic adult who grew up without a diagnosis fully mainstreamed.

I never fit in. And I never will. It is that simple. I will always be different from the NT people around me. I can pretend and act like them at the expense of exhausting myself and physically making myself sick. Or I can be myself and wait for those people who accept and like me just like that.

OP. Blending in should not be your goal. A penguin in the desert will never be able to swim and will always struggle to survive. It's the environment that needs to change to let your child thrive, be happy, and reach their full potential. Not the child. Yes, services are needed and can help a lot. But ULTIMATELY you need to find an environment that fits your child and have him meet children like him.

I have spent my entire life in an NT environment and it was hell. I could never be good enough because "good" was determined by the society around me. I stood no chance. I have now made a huge personal step towards accepting my disability: I started working at a facility for the disabled. And guess what...every single person there accepts me exactly the way I am. Some are more severely disabled than me, some less. But nobody stares. Nobody makes rude comments. For the first time I am accepted with all my strengths but also all my weaknesses. It is changing my life in a way I never thought possible. Have your son meet people like him. And by all means find a school for him that truly is inclusive meaning not trying to change him to fit him but truly accommodating his needs and accepting him with his entire being.

Thank you for your perspective. I agree that the environment needs to be adapted, but my child needs to be gently pushed each year to adapt as well. The end goal is for my child to be a functioning member of society with a job and support network of close friends. The world is not going toing to change for him. I can get him accommodations one day in college if he wants to go, but he does not need a sheltered workshop situation and if he wants to fulfill his career dreams (which he already has) he will need to learn the social skills to be able to make that happen. He can get some support for his disability, but he must be at a certain point. Plus, he likes having friends and relationships are give and take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd like to give my two cents as an autistic adult who grew up without a diagnosis fully mainstreamed.

I never fit in. And I never will. It is that simple. I will always be different from the NT people around me. I can pretend and act like them at the expense of exhausting myself and physically making myself sick. Or I can be myself and wait for those people who accept and like me just like that.

OP. Blending in should not be your goal. A penguin in the desert will never be able to swim and will always struggle to survive. It's the environment that needs to change to let your child thrive, be happy, and reach their full potential. Not the child. Yes, services are needed and can help a lot. But ULTIMATELY you need to find an environment that fits your child and have him meet children like him.

I have spent my entire life in an NT environment and it was hell. I could never be good enough because "good" was determined by the society around me. I stood no chance. I have now made a huge personal step towards accepting my disability: I started working at a facility for the disabled. And guess what...every single person there accepts me exactly the way I am. Some are more severely disabled than me, some less. But nobody stares. Nobody makes rude comments. For the first time I am accepted with all my strengths but also all my weaknesses. It is changing my life in a way I never thought possible. Have your son meet people like him. And by all means find a school for him that truly is inclusive meaning not trying to change him to fit him but truly accommodating his needs and accepting him with his entire being.

Thank you for your perspective. I agree that the environment needs to be adapted, but my child needs to be gently pushed each year to adapt as well. The end goal is for my child to be a functioning member of society with a job and support network of close friends. The world is not going toing to change for him. I can get him accommodations one day in college if he wants to go, but he does not need a sheltered workshop situation and if he wants to fulfill his career dreams (which he already has) he will need to learn the social skills to be able to make that happen. He can get some support for his disability, but he must be at a certain point. Plus, he likes having friends and relationships are give and take.

Or you can just find the environment that suits you best like everyone else. My DH who was never diagnosed but is just like DS who has ASD/ADHD loves to socialize. Father and son are both highly socially motivated (unlike me, the wife and mother). We spoke about this with our developmental pediatrician when DS was first diagnosed. DH loves charity fundraisers and loves to organize groups of friends to attend these functions. Does at least one every month except during the summer.

Which only goes to show if you've met one person with ASD, you've met one person with ASD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd like to give my two cents as an autistic adult who grew up without a diagnosis fully mainstreamed.

I never fit in. And I never will. It is that simple. I will always be different from the NT people around me. I can pretend and act like them at the expense of exhausting myself and physically making myself sick. Or I can be myself and wait for those people who accept and like me just like that.

OP. Blending in should not be your goal. A penguin in the desert will never be able to swim and will always struggle to survive. It's the environment that needs to change to let your child thrive, be happy, and reach their full potential. Not the child. Yes, services are needed and can help a lot. But ULTIMATELY you need to find an environment that fits your child and have him meet children like him.

I have spent my entire life in an NT environment and it was hell. I could never be good enough because "good" was determined by the society around me. I stood no chance. I have now made a huge personal step towards accepting my disability: I started working at a facility for the disabled. And guess what...every single person there accepts me exactly the way I am. Some are more severely disabled than me, some less. But nobody stares. Nobody makes rude comments. For the first time I am accepted with all my strengths but also all my weaknesses. It is changing my life in a way I never thought possible. Have your son meet people like him. And by all means find a school for him that truly is inclusive meaning not trying to change him to fit him but truly accommodating his needs and accepting him with his entire being.

Posting again, because I just skimmed your post. I think it's wonderful you have found a work situation you love. Unfortunately, the ideas my son has now for the future will be impossible if he doesn't adapt more. I do appreciate your input and it does give me something to think about.

Thank you for your perspective. I agree that the environment needs to be adapted, but my child needs to be gently pushed each year to adapt as well. The end goal is for my child to be a functioning member of society with a job and support network of close friends. The world is not going toing to change for him. I can get him accommodations one day in college if he wants to go, but he does not need a sheltered workshop situation and if he wants to fulfill his career dreams (which he already has) he will need to learn the social skills to be able to make that happen. He can get some support for his disability, but he must be at a certain point. Plus, he likes having friends and relationships are give and take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd like to give my two cents as an autistic adult who grew up without a diagnosis fully mainstreamed.

I never fit in. And I never will. It is that simple. I will always be different from the NT people around me. I can pretend and act like them at the expense of exhausting myself and physically making myself sick. Or I can be myself and wait for those people who accept and like me just like that.

OP. Blending in should not be your goal. A penguin in the desert will never be able to swim and will always struggle to survive. It's the environment that needs to change to let your child thrive, be happy, and reach their full potential. Not the child. Yes, services are needed and can help a lot. But ULTIMATELY you need to find an environment that fits your child and have him meet children like him.

I have spent my entire life in an NT environment and it was hell. I could never be good enough because "good" was determined by the society around me. I stood no chance. I have now made a huge personal step towards accepting my disability: I started working at a facility for the disabled. And guess what...every single person there accepts me exactly the way I am. Some are more severely disabled than me, some less. But nobody stares. Nobody makes rude comments. For the first time I am accepted with all my strengths but also all my weaknesses. It is changing my life in a way I never thought possible. Have your son meet people like him. And by all means find a school for him that truly is inclusive meaning not trying to change him to fit him but truly accommodating his needs and accepting him with his entire being.

Thank you for your perspective. I agree that the environment needs to be adapted, but my child needs to be gently pushed each year to adapt as well. The end goal is for my child to be a functioning member of society with a job and support network of close friends. The world is not going toing to change for him. I can get him accommodations one day in college if he wants to go, but he does not need a sheltered workshop situation and if he wants to fulfill his career dreams (which he already has) he will need to learn the social skills to be able to make that happen. He can get some support for his disability, but he must be at a certain point. Plus, he likes having friends and relationships are give and take.

Posting again, because I just skimmed your post. I think it's wonderful you have found a work situation you love. Unfortunately, the ideas my son has now for the future will be impossible if he doesn't adapt more. I do appreciate your input and it does give me something to think about.

[Anonymous]

All of these view points are great!