Reply to Those reminders my child isn't blending

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd like to give my two cents as an autistic adult who grew up without a diagnosis fully mainstreamed.

I never fit in. And I never will. It is that simple. I will always be different from the NT people around me. I can pretend and act like them at the expense of exhausting myself and physically making myself sick. Or I can be myself and wait for those people who accept and like me just like that.

OP. Blending in should not be your goal. A penguin in the desert will never be able to swim and will always struggle to survive. It's the environment that needs to change to let your child thrive, be happy, and reach their full potential. Not the child. Yes, services are needed and can help a lot. But ULTIMATELY you need to find an environment that fits your child and have him meet children like him.

I have spent my entire life in an NT environment and it was hell. I could never be good enough because "good" was determined by the society around me. I stood no chance. I have now made a huge personal step towards accepting my disability: I started working at a facility for the disabled. And guess what...every single person there accepts me exactly the way I am. Some are more severely disabled than me, some less. But nobody stares. Nobody makes rude comments. For the first time I am accepted with all my strengths but also all my weaknesses. It is changing my life in a way I never thought possible. Have your son meet people like him. And by all means find a school for him that truly is inclusive meaning not trying to change him to fit him but truly accommodating his needs and accepting him with his entire being.[/quote]

Thank you for your perspective. I agree that the environment needs to be adapted, but my child needs to be gently pushed each year to adapt as well. The end goal is for my child to be a functioning member of society with a job and support network of close friends. The world is not going toing to change for him. I can get him accommodations one day in college if he wants to go, but he does not need a sheltered workshop situation and if he wants to fulfill his career dreams (which he already has) he will need to learn the social skills to be able to make that happen. He can get some support for his disability, but he must be at a certain point. Plus, he likes having friends and relationships are give and take. [/quote]

Or you can just find the environment that suits you best like everyone else.  My DH who was never diagnosed but is just like DS who has ASD/ADHD loves to socialize.  Father and son are both highly socially motivated (unlike me, the wife and mother).  We spoke about this with our developmental pediatrician when DS was first diagnosed.  DH loves charity fundraisers and loves to organize groups of friends to attend these functions.  Does at least one every month except during the summer.

Which only goes to show if you've met one person with ASD, you've met one person with ASD.[/quote]

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