How rampant is cheating in the military?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Dad was Navy. From what I could tell as a child ( and what people have told me as an adult), there was usually one cheater in the marriage. Usually the husband (when my Dad was in, there weren't women on the ships) cheated when he was deployed. Or the wife cheated while the husband was deployed with the husbands that weren't deployed at the time.

My Uncle was Army Special Forces. Often got sent on secret missions that he couldn't tell my Aunt about--not where he was going or when he'd be back. Turns out he used this to be able to carry on a 10 year affair.

dang that's like the perfect cover...she can't even ask about it lol

[Anonymous]

Super common, and the types of guys who tend to be attracted to special forces (high testosterone, dominant, etc) tend to be more prone to cheating plus they are more in demand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judging from my experience, yes. I have not met any military member yet who either has not cheated or has not been cheated on. But maybe it's just my experience.

It might be the times too.

We were military for 8 years pre 9/11 and guys who wanted to be family men were and guys who wanted to chase tail were single and did just that. There weren't the crazy long multiple deployments either that see spouses cheating on the soldier either. Sure cheating happened but it wasn't my experience that it was as prevalent as now. I still have family in the military included some newly graduated.

They werent family men. They just didnt get caught

You can believe what you want. I am stating that in my experience there where men and women invested in their families and those who weren't. While of course cheating took place just like outside the military it seems like the culture fundamentally shifted after 9/11 like so much of the military culture did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judging from my experience, yes. I have not met any military member yet who either has not cheated or has not been cheated on. But maybe it's just my experience.

It might be the times too.

We were military for 8 years pre 9/11 and guys who wanted to be family men were and guys who wanted to chase tail were single and did just that. There weren't the crazy long multiple deployments either that see spouses cheating on the soldier either. Sure cheating happened but it wasn't my experience that it was as prevalent as now. I still have family in the military included some newly graduated.

They werent family men. They just didnt get caught

You can believe what you want. I am stating that in my experience there where men and women invested in their families and those who weren't. While of course cheating took place just like outside the military it seems like the culture fundamentally shifted after 9/11 like so much of the military culture did.

\

Don't kid yourself.....I served pre-9/11 and cheating was rampant (for both enlisted and officers). I never strayed----and I'm pretty sure my husband didn't either. But we were the exception, not the rule.

[Anonymous]

I've been a military spouse for 28 years. For the first 10 years of our marriage, it seemed everyone was cheating on everyone - both the military member and the spouse. Then, it seemed everyone grew up and if it was happening, it was just like civilian life, with some cheating, but most not (or not being caught). Now, most of our friends are other long-time military families. Though I don't go around polling people, if it's ever brought up, nearly every spouse admits they were cheated on early in their spouse's career.

I think it's like college. Lots of young, horny and available partners. You eventually grow out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been a military spouse for 28 years. For the first 10 years of our marriage, it seemed everyone was cheating on everyone - both the military member and the spouse. Then, it seemed everyone grew up and if it was happening, it was just like civilian life, with some cheating, but most not (or not being caught). Now, most of our friends are other long-time military families. Though I don't go around polling people, if it's ever brought up, nearly every spouse admits they were cheated on early in their spouse's career.

I think it's like college. Lots of young, horny and available partners. You eventually grow out of it.

That sounds very plausible. People tend to join the military young so there's lot of energy and libido.

I'm 40 and woudn't have the energy to stray even if I wanted to!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judging from my experience, yes. I have not met any military member yet who either has not cheated or has not been cheated on. But maybe it's just my experience.

It might be the times too.

We were military for 8 years pre 9/11 and guys who wanted to be family men were and guys who wanted to chase tail were single and did just that. There weren't the crazy long multiple deployments either that see spouses cheating on the soldier either. Sure cheating happened but it wasn't my experience that it was as prevalent as now. I still have family in the military included some newly graduated.

They werent family men. They just didnt get caught

You can believe what you want. I am stating that in my experience there where men and women invested in their families and those who weren't. While of course cheating took place just like outside the military it seems like the culture fundamentally shifted after 9/11 like so much of the military culture did.

\

Don't kid yourself.....I served pre-9/11 and cheating was rampant (for both enlisted and officers). I never strayed----and I'm pretty sure my husband didn't either. But we were the exception, not the rule.

And as I said "in my experience" it wasn't rampant but I see it as being rampant now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's no different that the civilian world. Some people cheat, some don't.

+1 I was I'm the military and never cheated. I wasn't alone in that stance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's no different that the civilian world. Some people cheat, some don't.

This. And it can end careers so if their career is really important to them, they might decide it's not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been a military spouse for 28 years. For the first 10 years of our marriage, it seemed everyone was cheating on everyone - both the military member and the spouse. Then, it seemed everyone grew up and if it was happening, it was just like civilian life, with some cheating, but most not (or not being caught). Now, most of our friends are other long-time military families. Though I don't go around polling people, if it's ever brought up, nearly every spouse admits they were cheated on early in their spouse's career.

I think it's like college. Lots of young, horny and available partners. You eventually grow out of it.

I think this is common in civilian life. Many of the men I knew cheated like crazy in their 20s and 30s. By late 40s, its pretty rare for men to hunt, let alone brag about it. Its a sex drive issue as much as anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous



One of my friends married a guy who is joining the navy seals today. She doesn't seem concerned at all but I am thinking about the cheating culture in the military. Is it as bad as people say?

She should worry more about the constant deployments and training with the seals. Will not see him much....this is what breaks up marriages.

[Anonymous]

It's rampant. Also, I know that many military, Intel officers, diplomats, and development/NGO staff have an "in-country spouse" while they are overseas in war zones. Basically, it's their steady affair partner and best friend. Spouse back home can't possibly understand what they're going through and this other person essential assumes the role of therapist/best friend/lover. This is how Laura Logan ended up leaving Afghanistan pregnant. No uncommon.

Life threatening Danger and hardship change people in unimaginable ways.

[Anonymous]

My friend works at a local base, and the atmosphere she describes is insane. Everybody cheating and/or sexually harrassing.

[Anonymous]

Even the accusation or appearance of having affair can cost you your job and push you into retirement. If anything, I would guess the active duty person is less likely to cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even the accusation or appearance of having affair can cost you your job and push you into retirement. If anything, I would guess the active duty person is less likely to cheat.

You guess wrong.