What to you expect from your SAH spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything in the house and regarding kids. Dinner made most nights of the week.

Weekends should be split 50/50 and weeknight activities split.

+1. OP sounds like my husband, but the ages of the kids are different. He was shocked when I cancelled our daughters afterschool care (@$500 per month), and that I was irritated that dinner was never cooked/thawed/or even thought about.

+1 Staying at home isn't easy. Lots of women and men are bad SAH partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You SAH, you take care of the house, including messes made by your husband. Pack his lunch.

As a SAH spouse, I disagree with this completely. Yes, I do the family's laundry, wash the dishes, etc., but I still expect my husband to put his clothes in the hamper instead of throwing them all over the floor, put his dishes in the sink instead of leaving the table, and generally act in a way that is respectful of the other people living in the space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do all of the meal planning, shopping and cooking. Handle all of the kid stuff (appointments, school stuff, etc). We have a house cleaner every other week. I do the general stuff like cleaning the counters, keeping bathrooms clean, etc. I do all of the kid laundry. I do all of the errands. We hire out all of the lawn care.

This is pretty much us. I cook dinner every night- Friday we eat out as a family Saturday night we have a sitter and are out with friends. Works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAH parent. I mow the lawn, clean the house, do all the errands, all the laundry, cook dinner every night, pack the lunches for everyone. On weekends we are more 50/50, but during the week the kids and the home are my business.

Same here with the above. Kids are older now, but over the years I have done various volunteer jobs depending on kids ages and where we were living at the time (military family, so lots of moves around the country). I've volunteered in classrooms, taught religious ed, led Scout troops, done coordination for parent organizations, and other volunteer jobs along the way- not all at the same time, of course. Kids have all been involved in pretty time intensive activities.

By middle school, everyone is packing their own lunches, though. I figured it was a good skill for them to learn.

[Anonymous]

OP here -

OK... I guess that it's the job and it IS just me! I also do all the outdoor stuff (mowing the lawn, weeding, etc) & small handyman chores, but that's only a fraction of the effort all told.

I never had a SAHP, and obviously never appreciated how much effort it takes!


As a S/O for anyone reading this - do you thank your SAHM spouse for helping, or is it really just "expected"?

[Anonymous]

I am a WOHM and I am very appreciative of SAHPs, it may sound relaxing but if you do it the right way it's not. It's a lot of work and minus adult interaction( most of the time).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

OK... I guess that it's the job and it IS just me! I also do all the outdoor stuff (mowing the lawn, weeding, etc) & small handyman chores, but that's only a fraction of the effort all told.

I never had a SAHP, and obviously never appreciated how much effort it takes!


As a S/O for anyone reading this - do you thank your SAHM spouse for helping, or is it really just "expected"?

My husband always thanks me. For dinner every night. If I pick up his shirts at the dry cleaner. I imagine that he does expect me to do these things, but being polite and saying thanks makes for a more pleasant experience for all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You SAH, you take care of the house, including messes made by your husband. Pack his lunch.

Umm, no. You don't get to stop being an adult just because your spouse stays home. In fact, even my kids are expected to clean up their own messes. No way does a fully grown adult get to abdicate that sort of thing.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My husband thanks me all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

OK... I guess that it's the job and it IS just me! I also do all the outdoor stuff (mowing the lawn, weeding, etc) & small handyman chores, but that's only a fraction of the effort all told.

I never had a SAHP, and obviously never appreciated how much effort it takes!


As a S/O for anyone reading this - do you thank your SAHM spouse for helping, or is it really just "expected"?

Spouses should be appreciative of each other, because they are a team. Each needs to do their part for the family to work, just like members of a sports team. Each member has a role- pitcher, first baseman, center, guard, etc.- that enable the team to play the game.

I will say though, the WOHP is an adult, and as such should take responsibility for things like lunches and cleaning up personal stuff. The pitcher doesn't expect the shortstop to pick up his glove for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You SAH, you take care of the house, including messes made by your husband. Pack his lunch.

. No way in hell. Dh would not expect it and I would not do it. I am not his maid.

[Anonymous]

I am a sahw, currently pregnant. I know I'll get flamed but it is what it is. Dh and I split our responsibilities according to our strengths and likes/dislikes. When we first got married, I noticed that he was coming behind me recleaning perfectly clean things. Turns out he just really likes to clean, not that I was doing a bad job, so I just default that to him now. Why waste my time if he's going to do it anyway? It also turns out that he is a better cook and enjoys doing it better than I do. He's always looking up new recipes while it's more like a chore to me. I do cook on occasion though not as much since I got pregnant bc the smell was making morning sickness worse. I do do the majority of grocery shopping and laundry. When the baby arrives, dh will participate but I'll take on most child related tasks as its more suited to my background/experience/interest than his.

[Anonymous]

DH does his own laundry, packs his lunch, changes everyone's sheets, the lawn work and cleans the bathrooms. I do everything else but I don't cook much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You SAH, you take care of the house, including messes made by your husband. Pack his lunch.

As a SAH spouse, I disagree with this completely. Yes, I do the family's laundry, wash the dishes, etc., but I still expect my husband to put his clothes in the hamper instead of throwing them all over the floor, put his dishes in the sink instead of leaving the table, and generally act in a way that is respectful of the other people living in the space.

Seriously.

I'm reading this thread for morbid curiosity. We have a housekeeper and still pick up after ourselves. She hired to clean up and keep the house running smoothly. That doesn't give everyone in the house licence to act like pigs.

[Anonymous]

I do some things that 2 income couples might pay someone else to do ~ paint the house, do the taxes, cut the grass/lawn maintenance.

Since we live in the burbs DH takes a commuter train. If he misses the last train at 7pm, I drive downtown to pick him up (w/kids in tow) It's 90 minutes roundtrip. Their bed-time routine be damn*d.

If DH has the opportunity to go in late and the train schedule doesn't work, I'll drive him in.

I do what I can to ease the pressure of work. I do what I can to make our home-life pleasant and without chores expected during the weekend.

We try to give the best to each other, and try not to keep score.