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sleep throught the night - again
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Anonymous
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In response to the previous post: There are also those who DEVELOP sleep problems later in life and it has NOTHING to do with how they slept as children.
Or sleep training can only make "sleep problems" worse. In fact, my cousin was so traumatized as a toddler by CIO that she developed sleep problems as a young child. She became terrified of bedtime( ths is according to my Aunt). |
Anonymous
How old was this toddler? It's preferable to sleep train/Ferberize/CIO when your child is 5 months to a year old. You can do it later, but then they would probably carry on for a lot longer than a few minutes. CIO doesn't mean let your child cry for hours and get traumatized. Read a book. |
Anonymous
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I'm PP 21:51...
Forgot to add. There are some hard core sleep books out there that I am totally against. I loathe "Baby Wise." But Dr. Weissbluth is pretty soft stuff. CIO is the last method he recommends if your child hasn't gotten into a good sleep schedule. |
Anonymous
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pp said "not everyone is willing or able to wait it out without CIO" comes off as these parents are not willing to sacrifice for their kids in some way. Understanding that every child is different, but my expereince with our DD is that my DH is not doing her any favors when he rocks her for hours on end before putting her to bed and she won't go to sleep otherwise if he's home.
My DH works late a lot of nights and I had DD in a really good routine of bath, books, rocking (20 mins or so) and to bed slightly awake. She would be asleep shortly after that and sleep like an angel. DH would be home early one night and want to put her to bed, but he insists on rocking her for hours until she's completely out. So, the next night when I don't do this, the crying starts. I go through several nights of decreasing amounts of crying out for DH until we are back on our routine. IMHO, she is happier in the AM when I put her down and she gets additional sleep. DD learned very quickly that if DH is home she just has to cry his name and he will come running to rock her again until she falls asleep. If she knows he is not home she goes right down. DH and I just had this fight last night. He was home, DD knew it, but he had work to do and didn't have the time to rock her, so we had a lot of tears last night. DD is now 2, so I am just trying to show you a glimpse of where you might be if you soothe DC to sleep without letting them learn to go to sleep on their own. I feel my DH is doing DD a disservvice and is not willing to the work to teach DD good habits. Just one more data point. Btw, I have never read any "sleep" books, just went with the flow and what we felt was the best for DD. |
Anonymous
children start to heavily teethe at these months which can cause pressure and pain when sleeping which is why many regress. this is what i found with my children. try tylenol one night and see what happens. cio is really cruel, seriously. anytime i have tried to let my kids cry i have always found an underlying reason as to why they were waking up ie: ear infection, teething, stomach ache, etc.. and it broke my heart and i swore i would never do it again. even my latest was having trouble sleeping at 7 months and doc said no ear infection so we took to an ear specialist and they tested and she in fact has fluid in her ears and negative ear pressure which is causing pain. i would have never known that. point being there is usually a reason for crying, whether hunger, gas, ears, teething, or what is the worst - could just be afraid to wake up in the night all alone? the cio people will all respond i'm sure but really follow your gut. so a long answer to your question is make sure baby is getting 24 ounces of breastmilk or formula a day plus 3 meals and snacks in between, check for teeth coming in or just sore looking gums, check ears, etc... now that we have treated ear infections we'll hope fluid goes away soon, but doc said this can take 4-6 weeks to go away and sometimes fluid doesn't go away which is another problem. point being it will take a while for her ears to be comfortable, so as her mom and parent i just have to stick it out and be there for her, not stick her in a crib to cry for hours. that is cruel and barbaric and i think at this day and age, we should move past that, as we have moved past sending kids to the woodshed. once again, try tylenol and make sure baby is fed enough during day and see where that gets you. mine is starting to sleep better again now, but beware once those other teeth come in again, it can cause them pain all over again and they will be up, that is why i never let them cio b/c you honestly don't know what is going on with baby and isn't it better to ere on the side of compassion? baby is only a baby once. i find a pattern in their parenting of selfishness personally, that is the cio moms. they seem to follow a pattern of doing what is easier on them rather than the baby. good luck! |
Anonymous
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The only reason I say to read the books is because I think there is fear that CIO is cruel and traumatizing. It's sort of like the Atkins Diet...people will say "all you do is eat a lot of red meat and bacon." But if you read the book cover to cover, the diet is about creating a lifestyle of eating vegetables/salads with lean protein, with a goal of eliminating refined sugar/white flour/white rice. Brown rice and healthy carbohydrates are encouraged. The majority of consumption is supposed to fresh fruits & vegetables. But most people don't read and they accept heresay as fact (and poor media coverage).
Same with the CIO methods. If parents are trying to find a method that works for them, take a look at some of the books and read and see if they make sense to you. The Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" was recommended to me by a good friend of mine. "Baby Wise" was recommended by another friend. In my exhausted stupor of "newborn-ness" I read both books cover to cover, often while I was nursing. "Baby Wise" was not a fit for me....it's hard core about forcing a small infant on a schedule and it completely freaked me out. But the Weissbluth book gave steps that described each developmental stage of a baby and gave options of how to help your baby onto a sleep schedule. It's great if you naturally figured out how to get your baby onto a sleep schedule. But many parents can't, and they find their own method isn't working. That's why I say "stop reinventing the wheel" and read a book or two or three until you find something that works. As an aside, you absolutely need to get your spouse on board. As in all parenting, it's a team effort. Before I tried anything, I got my husband to agree that he would support the method. We often held hands when I felt I couldn't listen to even one minute of crying. But he'd say "give it 5 minutes. If at 7:07pm he is still crying, we'll go in and get him." And we'd stare at the clock together. About 75% of the time, my son fell asleep in those few minutes. The other times, I caved and rocked DS. It's a process. No one wants to hear their child suffer or cry or traumatize them. |
Anonymous
You're a perfect example of someone who should read through one of the books. CIO is not about letting your child cry for hours. Before you try something, you should know what you are doing. As for CIO being "selfish" and "doing what is easier on them rather than the baby," clearly it's not the case. Many of the posters couldn't handle listeing to a few minutes of crying. It's not easy for anyone. However, I felt that a few weeks of working with my son was worth the long term goal of good sleep habits. When he was 5 months old, I started a little CIO with just one nap. Every day, the 2nd nap was one I practiced on with him. Usually within 10 minutes, he was alseep on his own. If it didn't work the one day, we just gave up and tried again the next day. Within a couple of weeks when that nap was easy, we tried again with another nap. Before long I could use the method to put him down at night. By 8 months, every nap & night time sleep was as simple as laying him down in the crib and walking away. As for the teething and ear infections... my son had 16 teeth by the time he was one. I was very aware of when he was teething and helped him on those nights. You could tell because he drooled excessively and was grumpier overall. So I rocked and soothed him during teething. Usually once the tooth cur through, he felt better. I also picked up on his ear infections because he was laying down easily then wasn't anymore and also awoke crying. It was actually easier for me to tell there was a problem, because his easy sleep wasn't anymore. My pediatrician even told me that she was shocked that I caught his first ear infection is such an early stage. Look.... I realize that this is falling on some deaf ears. If you don't want to read the Weissbluth book, don't. My son sleeps great and we are happy with it. But it matters not to me if you do it. Just stop casting aspersions on CIO Moms when you are ignorant to the method. |
Anonymous
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Hi, I tried to read Weissbluth but I found it totally impenetrable - maybe b/c I was so tired! I am not opposed to *any and all* crying but my ds (one) is a winder-upper, not a winder-downer. Then again, the No-Cry doesn't really seems to help and really I am just trying to be zen about having a "bad" sleeper, but I do want to make sure he's getting enough rest. So, if anyone could give me the bare bones of Weissbluth maybe I'll give it another look.
I also think that there is a definite spectrum to any kind of sleep-training and people like me who have a negative gut reaction to CIO probably have the babies who SCREAM (not fuss) and who would gladly do so for hours - but every baby is different and should be treated as so. |
Anonymous
| Hi PP, I'm a non-CIO person who also has a "wind-upper" as opposed to a "wind-downer." (The Ask Moxie blog has good posts describing this issue, tension-releasers vs tension-builders, and why CIO might work well for the latter babies but perhaps not for the former. Good insight into why there are so many folk who are die-hards in one camp vs the other -- they may be dealing with very different kinds of babies!) I also read both Weissbluth and Ferber -- there is great information in there about how sleep works, what is typical (remember there is a range), and how routines and schedules can help or hinder sleep. That information is very valuable even if you elect not to take the final step of CIO. The tricky part is that Weissbluth and Ferber don't always agree, even on the amount of sleep that's needed at various ages. I think they are both worth a read, dense as they may be, to see which one seems to best describe your child and then work from there. I've read Pantley too and used some of her suggestions but there really isn't any magic to Pantley IMO and you can get away with skipping it. |
Anonymous
pardon me, but you have no idea what i have read or haven't read. i did read weissbluth's book by the way and it didn't sit well with me. maybe you are the exception, but many parents say they have let their kids cio for hours at a time and this is neglect. sorry. no way around it. yes, i do have a 60 second rule and will allow baby to cry after putting down for 60 seconds. if not asleep, i go in and rock her etc... many parents do just let them cry, as i think they are the ones who are not reading the books and don't "get it." they are only babies once and just stick it out. to answer question to op, |
Anonymous
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I religiously followed Weissbluth with DS1. I thought that we were great parents & I judged anyone who did not follow him. When my husband I went shopping in the evening, I would point to the children who were up past 8pm & tell my husband, don't those parents know that their children are overtired? I thought that my husband & I were so smart & great b/c DS1 quickly fell into a great sleep pattern. We did not even have to do any CIO. (Weissbluth is not all about CIO, he even states in his book that if your child is hungry, you should feed him & this will not cause a night waking habit). We would tell all of our friends to follow Weissbluth and gloat at how great DS1 sleeps. Anyway, DS2 quickly put us in our place! No matter what we do, DS2 will not get into a nap schedule & he repeatedly wakes up at night. He really taught us to not be judgmental parents. Lesson learned!!! |
Anonymous
| Oops, "latter" and "former" should have been reversed in my post. The theory being that CIO can work well with tension-releasing babies, who use fussing to get things out of their systems and wind down. But CIO may be horrendous for babies who get increasingly distraught when they fuss and cry -- they are crying out of need (even if the need is fear of separation and not hunger, etc, still a need in the baby's book) and not to blow off steam. |
Anonymous
| pp here...i hit send by accident. anyway, now that my baby is feeling better after being on antibiotics, she awoke at midnight for a minute until i rocked her back to sleep, then up again at 6am, i gave her a bottle and she went back to sleep until 7:30. i can handle this and am not tired. i am confident she will be sleeping through the night on her own within a few months at the longest. |
Anonymous
i agree with this poster. the thing is i give up trying to "educate" people on how bad it is to let a poor baby cry for hours! it is your kid and if you want to be cruel and do it, go ahead. i am just trying to speak out for the baby's who clearly can not. i'm not talking about a minute or two of crying. i am referring to the ones that let them cry themselves to sleep, cry waking up, etc...that makes me sick to my stomach. once again, i repeat - clear neglect. |
Anonymous
I am the PP who wrote this comment. I just want to point out that we have not done CIO with DS2 with the exception of allowing him to fuss. I am not sure I have it in me to do this just yet, however our lives are suffering from lack of sleep & DS2 is suffering from lack of sleep. Anyway, sorry to make this post all about me, but these are my thoughts for what they are worth. |