Self-Centered Mother

[Anonymous]

Op, it's a personality disorder
Don't take it personally
You can't resolve this
Find support/companionship elsewhere if you need it
Love her the best you can. Don't develop a victim-persona

[Anonymous]

OP, would getting her a therapist or going to family therapy with her help? Could it make her worse?

[Anonymous]

Thanks all. I agree about not developing a victim persona. Since I have been thinking about this, I am not super paranoid about having some of her bad traits. It's sad because it even makes me feel repulsed about having some of her perfectly endearing little mannerisms. I guess I'll work through that, and added self awareness isn't a bad thing.

Family therapy lol. No thank you She absolutely collapses and panics under any kind of criticism, no matter how gentle and constructive. She then becomes histrionic and manipulative in a frantic attempt to deflect the criticism. Looking into herself is too painful for her to bear, so I expect that she'll maintain her "false persona" for the remainder of her life. Accepting that, which is a recent thing, has been a HUGE relief to me psychologically. So I'll just try to be compassionate and keep her at arm's length. She is always "sooooooo busy" doing very important things, so that shouldn't be too difficult.

The most interesting thing about this is that it's almost like a death. I used to think my mom was a real person I could interact with. Now I realize she is like a rigid cartoon character with a script on loop. Like I mentioned earlier, recognizing that is kind of surreal!!

[Anonymous]

I am *now* super paranoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The level of narcissism on this forum pales in comparison to any older women I know. Besides, we all turn into our mothers someday. Our kids are going to judge us, too.

And call us narcissists if there's any karma.

Oh just shut it. Leave this thread. You obviously don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am *now* super paranoid.

I think it's very common for people raised by narcissists to pick up some of their "habits," but you have a self-awareness she will never have and are in no danger of becoming a narcissist! I, too, after determining my mother had NPD, noticed that I do some of the same things and now I work on being mindful of how I'm communicating with people.

My mother responds to criticism the same way your mom does and, ironically, one of her favorite sayings is, "oh, so and so really doesn't take criticism very well." LOL!