My husband said he basically regrets the kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was kind, but it's on my mind still. I said, I understand it is very hard (we have kids with a lot of "stuff") but for me I would feel like my life hadn't been as rich without them, as hard as it is. But I have felt I suppose like he expressed on occasion, but I did say that many good things are hard.

That sounds like a perfectly reasonable response.

[Anonymous]

I found out that my mom regretted having me when I was in ES. A cousin told me (cousin's mom told her, and yes, that was a stupid thing to do). It hit me hard. It affected me into my early 20's. So, don't let your kids find out no matter what.

[Anonymous]

Does he regret a lot of things or just that? Some people are just complainers. What else is going on in his life?

[Anonymous]

My mother is a martyr. She has said things like, "I gave my life for my kids" for as long as I can remember. I vowed I would never do that to my children. Your DH needs to own his life choices and stop blaming his kids for his dissatisfaction with life.

[Anonymous]

Maybe if you did more around the house and gave him some "me" time without expectations that he'll reciprocate, maybe he'd been in the mood to have kids more often.

[Anonymous]

Was he trying to commiserate with you? Does he think you share his views?

The easiest of kids are a lot of f*cking work. Does he have other issues piling on - work, aging parents, his own mid-life crisis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same way as your husband. I am a Mom. Don't shut him down for being honest. Would you rather he tell some other woman?

+1 another mom, here, too, and I often think that and did mention this to my DH last summer during a particularly trying time with our tween.

What you should do with this information, OP, is recognize that he will tell you his deepest secrets, which is something that many men would never do, and many couples never get to hear from their spouses. It is a compliment to you and a testament to his trust in you that he said this. Don't throw this gift away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same way as your husband. I am a Mom. Don't shut him down for being honest. Would you rather he tell some other woman?

+1 another mom, here, too, and I often think that and did mention this to my DH last summer during a particularly trying time with our tween.

What you should do with this information, OP, is recognize that he will tell you his deepest secrets, which is something that many men would never do, and many couples never get to hear from their spouses. It is a compliment to you and a testament to his trust in you that he said this. Don't throw this gift away.

Thank you and good reminder. He is not an emotional person, and I do feel that it's important that he shares with me without judgement on my part.

[Anonymous]

I used to feel that way, but haven't in the last few years. Mine is 13. I reserve the right to rescind this feeling, which may be what happens in a couple of years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe if you did more around the house and gave him some "me" time without expectations that he'll reciprocate, maybe he'd been in the mood to have kids more often.

+1. OP, even if you are the primary caregiver, take more of the childrearing on and give him more of a break. Some people handle kids better than others. If you are one that is handling it better, take more of the burden on. Then maybe he won't feel so much pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe if you did more around the house and gave him some "me" time without expectations that he'll reciprocate, maybe he'd been in the mood to have kids more often.

Huh? I am actually really good about giving him "me time" he golfs every weekend for example, sometimes twice. I encourage him to go out with friends, but as we all know at nearly 50 sometimes the guys nights don't happen very easily.

[Anonymous]

He can't can't change his situation, but he can change his attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe if you did more around the house and gave him some "me" time without expectations that he'll reciprocate, maybe he'd been in the mood to have kids more often.

Huh? I am actually really good about giving him "me time" he golfs every weekend for example, sometimes twice. I encourage him to go out with friends, but as we all know at nearly 50 sometimes the guys nights don't happen very easily.

He needs me time everyday. Golf on weekends is not nearly enough. Step it up, woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe if you did more around the house and gave him some "me" time without expectations that he'll reciprocate, maybe he'd been in the mood to have kids more often.

Huh? I am actually really good about giving him "me time" he golfs every weekend for example, sometimes twice. I encourage him to go out with friends, but as we all know at nearly 50 sometimes the guys nights don't happen very easily.

He needs me time everyday. Golf on weekends is not nearly enough. Step it up, woman.

OP needs ME TIME, too...OP, is he a good dad??

[Anonymous]

OP, go out without kids, just you and him and have an evening of complaining and whining to each other about the kids and imagining about what life would have been like without them. it might help him to get it out of his system.