Date your sons former teacher?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son comes first. Sorry. I know it's not what you want to hear.

+1

I wouldn't bring anyone into my child's life, but if I did, it would only be if my child were crazy about that person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi,
I'm divorced and have been dating a teacher that my son had 2 years ago, but is a coach so stays in touch with my son via sports. My son can't seem to accept him as my boyfriend....Need help with getting my son to accept him as my boyfriend as the relationship is getting serious and he is a very good guy!

My mom dated and eventually married a teacher of mine. You are wrong about the bolded. What you need help with is slowing down. Stop trying to change how your son feels. You're not dealing with a 6 year old here. He has a right to his feelings and you have to treat them with respect. If this is a good relationship for you, he will accept it in time. I also agree with pp that he is seeing this relationship as endangering his independent relationship with this man.

[Anonymous]

Your son will need to deal with the reality that his mother knowingly chose to take someone whom her son had as a coach, teacher and mentor figure and turn it into something that is all about her. Pathetic. Isn't it enough that your son's parents are no longer together? If your son has a healthy view of marriage, he realizes that the marriage is the primary relationship, and that the parent-child relationship become increasingly secondary as kids grow older. You've basically taken away his male mentor, putting yourself in the spotlight as the potential spouse. Can't you find your own partner without stealing from your kid? Rather than giving your son time to adjust to this selfish, selfish situation you've chosen, how about you get yourself on match.com and find someone your son didn't find first. And, no, it is not your young son's job to be able to articulate to you all the reasons this is so inappropriate. You've put him in the position of essentially having to betray you and his coach if says anything bad bout the relationship.

Next year you may be positing about how you dated your son's coach, you broke up, and now you need your son to adjust to his coach not wanting any connection with him due to the breakup (and you'll ask the question in all sincerity, as though there was no predicting this outcome). And you'll wonder (even if you marry this teacher) why your son doesn't want to share things with you, asking if he should seek therapy or the like, never thinking twice about the role you've played in this wholly predictable outcome. And even if all ends well, why would you ever put your son's relationship with you at risk in this way just to date a guy?

Unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son will need to deal with the reality that his mother knowingly chose to take someone whom her son had as a coach, teacher and mentor figure and turn it into something that is all about her. Pathetic. Isn't it enough that your son's parents are no longer together? If your son has a healthy view of marriage, he realizes that the marriage is the primary relationship, and that the parent-child relationship become increasingly secondary as kids grow older. You've basically taken away his male mentor, putting yourself in the spotlight as the potential spouse. Can't you find your own partner without stealing from your kid? Rather than giving your son time to adjust to this selfish, selfish situation you've chosen, how about you get yourself on match.com and find someone your son didn't find first. And, no, it is not your young son's job to be able to articulate to you all the reasons this is so inappropriate. You've put him in the position of essentially having to betray you and his coach if says anything bad bout the relationship.

Next year you may be positing about how you dated your son's coach, you broke up, and now you need your son to adjust to his coach not wanting any connection with him due to the breakup (and you'll ask the question in all sincerity, as though there was no predicting this outcome). And you'll wonder (even if you marry this teacher) why your son doesn't want to share things with you, asking if he should seek therapy or the like, never thinking twice about the role you've played in this wholly predictable outcome. And even if all ends well, why would you ever put your son's relationship with you at risk in this way just to date a guy?

Unbelievable.

Wow. You're carrying a lot of baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi,
I'm divorced and have been dating a teacher that my son had 2 years ago, but is a coach so stays in touch with my son via sports. My son can't seem to accept him as my boyfriend....Need help with getting my son to accept him as my boyfriend as the relationship is getting serious and he is a very good guy!

Your son comes first.

He can't accept the man in your life, then the man in your life stays very much on the sidelines or get sent packing, depending on how bad it is.

Who that man is has no bearing.

[Anonymous]

My mom married my former teacher/coach. They started dating the summer I graduated high school and married when I was 29. He is a great guy, happy to be part of the family, and a great grandfather to my kids.

It was awkward at first for me, and everyone from high school knew, but my mom basically told me to get over it. I did because there is no reason for me not to like him. I'm sure your sons age is a factor, but maybe just ask if about what bothers him, try to understand, and suggest he get to know him outside of school. It might take a while, but he will come around. Maybe you can show him my response and those from others in similar situations.

[Anonymous]

I think you are too hard on OP. We all deserve love and I assume the love for the coach does not take away from the love to her son. 15 is awkward but not young anymore and soon to leave for college. If the son sees that mom is happier and they are having a good time because of it, he might come around. Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

It depends on how new the divorce is. OP - how long have you been divorced? Is this your first serious relationship since the divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are too hard on OP. We all deserve love and I assume the love for the coach does not take away from the love to her son. 15 is awkward but not young anymore and soon to leave for college. If the son sees that mom is happier and they are having a good time because of it, he might come around. Good luck OP!

Maybe yes, maybe no. There are a lot of relevant details that OP left out of the narrative. I wonder why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son will need to deal with the reality that his mother knowingly chose to take someone whom her son had as a coach, teacher and mentor figure and turn it into something that is all about her. Pathetic. Isn't it enough that your son's parents are no longer together? If your son has a healthy view of marriage, he realizes that the marriage is the primary relationship, and that the parent-child relationship become increasingly secondary as kids grow older. You've basically taken away his male mentor, putting yourself in the spotlight as the potential spouse. Can't you find your own partner without stealing from your kid? Rather than giving your son time to adjust to this selfish, selfish situation you've chosen, how about you get yourself on match.com and find someone your son didn't find first. And, no, it is not your young son's job to be able to articulate to you all the reasons this is so inappropriate. You've put him in the position of essentially having to betray you and his coach if says anything bad bout the relationship.

Next year you may be positing about how you dated your son's coach, you broke up, and now you need your son to adjust to his coach not wanting any connection with him due to the breakup (and you'll ask the question in all sincerity, as though there was no predicting this outcome). And you'll wonder (even if you marry this teacher) why your son doesn't want to share things with you, asking if he should seek therapy or the like, never thinking twice about the role you've played in this wholly predictable outcome. And even if all ends well, why would you ever put your son's relationship with you at risk in this way just to date a guy?

Unbelievable.

Wow. You're carrying a lot of baggage.

Actually, no baggage at all. OP just seems so very self-absorbed. Why can't this grown woman find her own relationship, instead of her since again having to work around his parents' relationships. It's a big world out there.

[Anonymous]

OP, I wouldn't have stated it as harshly as PP did, but I kind of agree. I would think VERY carefully before disrupting your son's relationship with an adult male mentor. Is it really worth it? Ultimately, you can't compel your son to support this (or any) boyfriend of yours, and that may mean the relationship doesn't work out. Then where would you be? Is it really worth it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son will need to deal with the reality that his mother knowingly chose to take someone whom her son had as a coach, teacher and mentor figure and turn it into something that is all about her. Pathetic. Isn't it enough that your son's parents are no longer together? If your son has a healthy view of marriage, he realizes that the marriage is the primary relationship, and that the parent-child relationship become increasingly secondary as kids grow older. You've basically taken away his male mentor, putting yourself in the spotlight as the potential spouse. Can't you find your own partner without stealing from your kid? Rather than giving your son time to adjust to this selfish, selfish situation you've chosen, how about you get yourself on match.com and find someone your son didn't find first. And, no, it is not your young son's job to be able to articulate to you all the reasons this is so inappropriate. You've put him in the position of essentially having to betray you and his coach if says anything bad bout the relationship.

Next year you may be positing about how you dated your son's coach, you broke up, and now you need your son to adjust to his coach not wanting any connection with him due to the breakup (and you'll ask the question in all sincerity, as though there was no predicting this outcome). And you'll wonder (even if you marry this teacher) why your son doesn't want to share things with you, asking if he should seek therapy or the like, never thinking twice about the role you've played in this wholly predictable outcome. And even if all ends well, why would you ever put your son's relationship with you at risk in this way just to date a guy?

Unbelievable.

Wow. You're carrying a lot of baggage.

Actually, no baggage at all. OP just seems so very self-absorbed. Why can't this grown woman find her own relationship, instead of her since again having to work around his parents' relationships. It's a big world out there.

New poster. You sound very angry. Take a step back, maybe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son will need to deal with the reality that his mother knowingly chose to take someone whom her son had as a coach, teacher and mentor figure and turn it into something that is all about her. Pathetic. Isn't it enough that your son's parents are no longer together? If your son has a healthy view of marriage, he realizes that the marriage is the primary relationship, and that the parent-child relationship become increasingly secondary as kids grow older. You've basically taken away his male mentor, putting yourself in the spotlight as the potential spouse. Can't you find your own partner without stealing from your kid? Rather than giving your son time to adjust to this selfish, selfish situation you've chosen, how about you get yourself on match.com and find someone your son didn't find first. And, no, it is not your young son's job to be able to articulate to you all the reasons this is so inappropriate. You've put him in the position of essentially having to betray you and his coach if says anything bad bout the relationship.

Next year you may be positing about how you dated your son's coach, you broke up, and now you need your son to adjust to his coach not wanting any connection with him due to the breakup (and you'll ask the question in all sincerity, as though there was no predicting this outcome). And you'll wonder (even if you marry this teacher) why your son doesn't want to share things with you, asking if he should seek therapy or the like, never thinking twice about the role you've played in this wholly predictable outcome. And even if all ends well, why would you ever put your son's relationship with you at risk in this way just to date a guy?

Unbelievable.

Wow. You're carrying a lot of baggage.

Actually, no baggage at all. OP just seems so very self-absorbed. Why can't this grown woman find her own relationship, instead of her since again having to work around his parents' relationships. It's a big world out there.

New poster. You sound very angry. Take a step back, maybe.

I spend 100% of my time with my kids. I do not shove him at my 15yr old. He comes over for dinner occasionally, the movies - simple things - twice per month...that is not shoving. What would you like to know "mr baggage"? I didn't leave anything out intentionally...just looking for some unbiased opinions to help me decide in how to move forward or not. I've been divorced 2 years, have not dated much at all, first person that has been worth dating. The coach is an assistant, and has not been a "mentor"...he has other coaches that fill that role. More info...I have a 10 year old that adores this man and gets along very well with him...My 15 yr old sees me happy, laughing again... not stressed. He comments about how he is glad I'm happy again... He just cant get used to seeing me with someone that is not his dad and doesn't want to see it. That is my problem. I'd be happy to share more info for an unbiased opinion. Thank you .

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for your son. He's obviously still struggling with the divorce and now he's dealing with his mom and his coach (excuse me, assistant coach).

Does he have anyone to talk to? I noticed you didn't ask how to help your son deal with his general concerns but rather how to get your son to "accept" your new boyfriend.

But it's all good because the 10 yo is fine with it.

[Anonymous]

what does DH stand for?