Date your sons former teacher?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, the bottom line here is that a new relationship is very consuming emotionally. A new relationship can be like a drug, and now your son is contending with dealing losing a lot of your attention AND the attention of his mentor. Ouch.

Even if he only comes over occasionally, how much time do you spend pre-occupied with him? Whether you choose to admit it to yourself or not, this impacts your son.

I get that you want to be in a relationship again, and your life and happiness matters too. But please work hard to acknowledge how all of this is impacting your son and focus on minimizing his discomfort as much as possible.

When you talk about receiving tips to get your son to accept your new relationship, it sounds like you are more focused on minimizing your own discomfort and inconvenience, instead.

If he feels like your first priority in his heart, I'm sure everything will go a lot more smoothly for all parties.

I absolutely know that this impacts both of my children. I put my kids first always when they are with me, as well as if they have things they want to do when they are with their father. I attend all sporting and school events with them, car pool, take them to school, friends etc.. regardless of "who's day it is". My kids and I do things together just as, and well as just hang out doing nothing just us.

[Anonymous]

MikeL wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your son? Primary school age, older...?

He's 15

He's not too happy with the idea that his old coach is slipping the trouser trout to his Mom.
I've heard of boys asking their Moms not to date for a couple years while they(the boys) are teenagers.
He knows what he's thinking about girls and he knows what his old coach is doing with Mom.
It's up to you to choose.

Ummm, no "trouser trout" happening - at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also PP did you miss where the OP said the coach she is dating just happens to be her son's teacher from two years ago which coincides with the marriage break up?

I supposed it might be a mere coincidence.

Why is OP so invested in ramming this relationship down her son's throat if she just started dating this guy? It sounds much more serious hmmmm????? She wouldn't be the first mom to cheat with her kid's coach or teacher.

Not ramming, just looking for ideas/feedback. And not serious yet, but can be soon. However, per my other post. Stepping back from the relationship now...

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're a bad parent the way others are implying. You're allowed to have a dating life. Yes, he's a former teacher, key word being former.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you're a bad parent the way others are implying. You're allowed to have a dating life. Yes, he's a former teacher, key word being former.

I agree. Lots of people with unresolved issues on this thread. Don't let their baggage influence you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for your son. He's obviously still struggling with the divorce and now he's dealing with his mom and his coach (excuse me, assistant coach).

Does he have anyone to talk to? I noticed you didn't ask how to help your son deal with his general concerns but rather how to get your son to "accept" your new boyfriend.

But it's all good because the 10 yo is fine with it.

Everyone on the team at school knows mommy is sluttin' it up with the sports coach. OP must have quite the reputation in the lockerroom. No wonder the OP's son is fed up with her behavior.

Give OP a break. You have baggage and can't give an objective opinion. Were you rejected that badly by someone?? Maybe you need to talk to someone.

[Anonymous]

Just let the relationship go where it needs to go naturally....if you end up married with a new child, then your son gets to have a new brother or sister....
He will accept it over time....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you're a bad parent the way others are implying. You're allowed to have a dating life. Yes, he's a former teacher, key word being former.

"A dating life" doesn't have to involve one's children.

[Anonymous]

I don't think there are a lot of people with baggage posting on this thread. I think there is one person with baggage who keeps posting over and over and pretending to be a different person.

Now, this is truly off:

"OP isn't going to come back and admit that her marriage broke up two years ago over this coach. That's why she's so invested in her son accepting coach as "new daddy."

Why else would it even be an issue? If she is someone she just started seeing she wouldn't be so serious about him. They have probably been sneaking around since before the divorce and now they are trying to normalize the relationship and bring it above ground.

I'm sure the son is looking back at some things and is coming to the realization that mom's banging this coach is what destroyed his family, and not liking it one little bit."

What a wired accusation!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP isn't going to come back and admit that her marriage broke up two years ago over this coach. That's why she's so invested in her son accepting coach as "new daddy."

Why else would it even be an issue? If she is someone she just started seeing she wouldn't be so serious about him. They have probably been sneaking around since before the divorce and now they are trying to normalize the relationship and bring it above ground.

I'm sure the son is looking back at some things and is coming to the realization that mom's banging this coach is what destroyed his family, and not liking it one little bit.

Hello OP's exH

[Anonymous]

Agree that relationship with son comes first. Suggest not bringing this guy around for a while, not even twice a month. Give your son some time. If you're going to marry this assistant coach (i.e. ring is on the finger), that would be a different situation. I'd be cautious about finding a therapist for him to talk to. Maybe a friend or parent of a friend would be willing and able to tactfully let your son talk in a non-obvious way. When my parents divorced my mom found therapists (yes plural) for me and my siblings. It was all weird. I was 100% ok with their divorce. I saw the fighting and physical abuse (there wasn't much, but I saw some of it). So I 100% understood that divorce was a good thing. I couldn't figure out why complete strangers were asking my totally personal questions about how I felt about it all, like I was supposed to feel something. That more than anything else weirded me out. I was 11-13 at the time. Granted, it sounds like your son is not ok with your divorce, but still, I worry the simple fact that you're sending him to a therapist may convey the impression you think there is something "wrong" with him that needs to be "fixed." Grown adults have a hard enough time admitting they need help and that seeking a therapist is a sign of strength, not weakness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP isn't going to come back and admit that her marriage broke up two years ago over this coach. That's why she's so invested in her son accepting coach as "new daddy."

Why else would it even be an issue? If she is someone she just started seeing she wouldn't be so serious about him. They have probably been sneaking around since before the divorce and now they are trying to normalize the relationship and bring it above ground.

I'm sure the son is looking back at some things and is coming to the realization that mom's banging this coach is what destroyed his family, and not liking it one little bit.

OP obviously value's her kids more as you can see from previous thread she is walking away from the relationship. I'm amazed by how many accusations there are...maybe the husband was cheating? Maybe there was no cheating and they grew apart? Maybe OP is lonely and enjoys having a companion again? So many things can happen in a relationship....to just accuse someone of cheating, and not give construction criticism is unfair.

Hello OP's exH