Talking about *The Bad* Kid in Class

[Anonymous]

To your second point, I think you might be overreacting and would give it more time. Plus, kid may be picking up signals from you that are making it into a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Good point. I remember when my DS was in K. I was with the mom of one of his classmates a few weeks into the school year. This mom ranted on and on about the "dreadful" behavior of one of the kids in the class. DS had said nothing about this child. As I got to know this woman over a couple of years, I realized that she encouraged this type of gossip with her DS--who also became quite a little gossip. He sounded just like his mom. As I got to know the K situation, I learned that the child she was talking about did get into trouble more than some others--but he was far from "dreadful."

[Anonymous]

To your second point, I think you might be overreacting and would give it more time. Plus, kid may be picking up signals from you that are making it into a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Good point. I remember when my DS was in K. I was with the mom of one of his classmates a few weeks into the school year. This mom ranted on and on about the "dreadful" behavior of one of the kids in the class. DS had said nothing about this child. As I got to know this woman over a couple of years, I realized that she encouraged this type of gossip with her DS--who also became quite a little gossip. He sounded just like his mom. As I got to know the K situation, I learned that the child she was talking about did get into trouble more than some others--but he was far from "dreadful."

[Anonymous]

I don't indulge kid drama unless there is violence. Don't ask questions that allow your kid to victimize themself. Tell them to myob and focus on their own actions.

[Anonymous]

OP, here. Thanks for the advice and thoughts.

But basic reading comprehension... in post, note, I did not use the word bad, (in fact was steering my kids away from the word) my children did, I tried to focus on saying the other child was adjusting to a new school.

The child in question is actually *attacking* other children - which has made the message 'just worry about yourself' harder to say just worry about yourself if you and your friends feel like potential *targets*), one of the teachers in the class is spending nearly all their time with just the one child, and child has been sent home from school in the middle of the day a couple times already - so it is a fairly disruptive situation. And clearly a kid that seems like he needs extra behavioral psychological help. It's not like in my other child's class where there are a couple kids who lose some behavior points etc.

[Anonymous]

OP,
If the school is sending the kid home midday, this is a serious problem and they know it. I imagine the child will not be there much longer. If a teacher is spending most of her day with him, it sounds like he has already been identified in some way. Give it another week. Then, if he attacks your child, write and tell the school that you are concerned about your own child's safety. It might encourage action on the part of the school. I would not ask what the school is going to do about it. Just address the "issue" with your own child's safety.

[Anonymous]

20:20 again. If you nicely address your concerns about the safety of your child, it gives the teacher ammunition to give to the administration to encourage quick action on removing the child from the class or getting additional help in the classroom. Sounds like something needs to be done. Sending a child home in the middle of the day is not normal procedure. Are you sure he is going home or just being removed from the classroom?

[Anonymous]

We comprehend fine. Your point is your child was using the word "bad" and we're all wondering where he got it.

Anonymous wrote:OP, here. Thanks for the advice and thoughts.

But basic reading comprehension... in post, note, I did not use the word bad, (in fact was steering my kids away from the word) my children did, I tried to focus on saying the other child was adjusting to a new school.

The child in question is actually *attacking* other children - which has made the message 'just worry about yourself' harder to say just worry about yourself if you and your friends feel like potential *targets*), one of the teachers in the class is spending nearly all their time with just the one child, and child has been sent home from school in the middle of the day a couple times already - so it is a fairly disruptive situation. And clearly a kid that seems like he needs extra behavioral psychological help. It's not like in my other child's class where there are a couple kids who lose some behavior points etc.

[Anonymous]

There is a disruptive child in my kindergartner's class and I just tell my kid to stay away from that kid.

[Anonymous]

Where are you that you have two teachers in your class? Doesn't sound like the DC area unless you are at a private? How do you know this child is attacking other children? That sounds like a misunderstanding or an exaggeration on the part of your child. You never know what's going on until you've seen the entire situation unfold. For all you know the child may be defending himself.

Anonymous wrote:OP, here. Thanks for the advice and thoughts.

But basic reading comprehension... in post, note, I did not use the word bad, (in fact was steering my kids away from the word) my children did, I tried to focus on saying the other child was adjusting to a new school.

The child in question is actually *attacking* other children - which has made the message 'just worry about yourself' harder to say just worry about yourself if you and your friends feel like potential *targets*), one of the teachers in the class is spending nearly all their time with just the one child, and child has been sent home from school in the middle of the day a couple times already - so it is a fairly disruptive situation. And clearly a kid that seems like he needs extra behavioral psychological help. It's not like in my other child's class where there are a couple kids who lose some behavior points etc.

[Anonymous]

It would be against a lot of policies to send the child home in the middle of the day. Long-time sub here. It could be that this is one of those very unusual situations but to me it sounds liek the school is not handling the situation well. Are you positive they are sending him home or is he finishing the day in the principal's office or some other place to do his work?

Anonymous wrote:20:20 again. If you nicely address your concerns about the safety of your child, it gives the teacher ammunition to give to the administration to encourage quick action on removing the child from the class or getting additional help in the classroom. Sounds like something needs to be done. Sending a child home in the middle of the day is not normal procedure. Are you sure he is going home or just being removed from the classroom?

[Anonymous]

http://dcps.dc.gov/sites/default/files/dc/sites/dcps/publication/attachments/DCMR-Chapter-25-Title-5-Final-Rulemaking-2009.pdf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are you that you have two teachers in your class? Doesn't sound like the DC area unless you are at a private? How do you know this child is attacking other children? That sounds like a misunderstanding or an exaggeration on the part of your child. You never know what's going on until you've seen the entire situation unfold. For all you know the child may be defending himself.

Not the OP, but FCPS has a teacher and an aide in each Kindergarten classroom - not sure about the other school systems in the area.

[Anonymous]

I would encourage as much empathy as possible.

It sounds like this poor child might be one of the many whose IEPs have not yet gotten to their teachers (from another thread). And the teachers are caught flat-footed without the resources they need to make this work.

So in essense they have been set up to fail spectacularly in front of an audience of their peers. And once they have been labeled as the bad kid, maybe they will get the supports that their parents have been working so hard to get in place for them.

I would agree with the PPs idea of empathy- it sounds like Larlo is having a tough time, we all need extra help sometimes.

But do let the teacher know, they are often fighting alongside the parents of the struggling child for the appropriate support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my kid, "You worry about YOURSELF" stop worrying about what others are doing, you can't control your surroundings and if you need a perfect environment to do well you are never going to get that.

Do your work, worry about yourself and stop paying attention to the other kids.

"But the kid is loud"
Worry about yourself.
"But the kid breaks things"
Worry about yourself
"but the kids eats his bugger"
Worry about yourself
"But he burps his alphabet"
Okay, that one is cool, ask for lessons on the playground.

I don't think you are understanding the other kid is attacking classmates, screaming, and smashing things. It is hard for a 5 year old to start kindergarten and witness that. Would you be able to work if you had someone attacking coworkers, smashing things, and screaming around you? Would you dread going to the office! What if your boss said in response to your complaints, "worry about yourself".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my kid, "You worry about YOURSELF" stop worrying about what others are doing, you can't control your surroundings and if you need a perfect environment to do well you are never going to get that.

Do your work, worry about yourself and stop paying attention to the other kids.

"But the kid is loud"
Worry about yourself.
"But the kid breaks things"
Worry about yourself
"but the kids eats his bugger"
Worry about yourself
"But he burps his alphabet"
Okay, that one is cool, ask for lessons on the playground.

I don't think you are understanding the other kid is attacking classmates, screaming, and smashing things. It is hard for a 5 year old to start kindergarten and witness that. Would you be able to work if you had someone attacking coworkers, smashing things, and screaming around you? Would you dread going to the office! What if your boss said in response to your complaints, "worry about yourself".

Isn't it remarkable how PC behavior allows people to completely ignore common sense? The minute, though, it's THEIR DC that is struck, well, watch how the 'ignore it' attitude changes.

I would ask to sit in and observe and if refused, demand the school counselor do so. I agree this kid is probably having a tough time transitioning, but this type of behavior in a group setting needs to be isolated from the others. Allowing it to continue sets a bad precedent.

My son caught an illness over labor day weekend that caused vasculitis for about a month. His inflammation markers were through the roof. The doctor told me it would gradually diminish, but expect behavior problems that would also diminish.

I notified the school when my son went back and we set up a program in advance, to separate him from the class when his behavior went sour. He would go help the principal in his office stamping papers, etc. As the month went on, he did this less and less, and by October, was back to being his normal well-behaved self. By separating him, it shielded the other students AND gave him a chance to get out of a situation that was too much to handle while his markers were still elevated. It was really a win/win for both my son, for the teacher, and for the other students. The principal also said they had great conversations, and he missed my son not coming to his office to help.

The school CAN fix this for all. They just have to want to.