How do you make friends when you have none?

[Anonymous]

A Lot of friends = too much drama

OP, do you have 1 or 2 really good friends? If so, keep them and forget trying to expand your circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A Lot of friends = too much drama

OP, do you have 1 or 2 really good friends? If so, keep them and forget trying to expand your circle.

Hmm. Interesting view.

[Anonymous]

I have many dear friends, some I've known since childhood, some more recent. That being said, I have found making friends in DC to be really really hard. I freelance from home (which is another way to say my salary wouldnt cover childcare). I've tried activities, volunteer stuff... but it is very very hard here. I never had any trouble before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an extroverted person and making friends comes easily.
I am also loyal and put in the work in friendships that they need to sustain. I make the phone calls, go out on a limb and invite people to things, return emails, I attend functions when its possible for me to and not flake out because its easier.

My 4 best friends are my mom, sister and two sister-in-laws.
We talk every single day.
I have friends from high school that I reach out to regularly. Some i've kept all along and some I reconnected with through Facebook after I had a child. They similarly had babies around the same time and we had that in common. We joined running (with stroller) groups, went mall walking, etc. You could reconnect with people on Facebook. Shoot them a message and ask to meet for coffee or wine or whatever suits you.

I have friends that I made through work. Most of them started out as drinking buddies pre-husband and pre-babies. We keep in touch and get together when we can. You can befriend someone at work the daily proximity makes it easy. Find someone that makes you laugh or that you enjoy their qualities and pursue something there.

You can make friends by joining sport teams or the gym.

Some of my closest friends lately have been wonderful families that I've met through my child's school. I pick DD up every night and make conversation with the other parents that are also there. I started by inviting one lady (and her child) that i thought looked nice and i enjoyed talking to, to go ice skating with me and my DD. This led to more get togethers, wine nights, family trips together.

Yes it is work but it's worthwhile.

Your situation is very atypical for most DCUM families. Many are not from around here, so no family support (which makes life way easier in general freeing up time for investing in friendships and maybe even free babysitting). And the network of friends from high school and pre-kids work are hard to replicate.

We moved here and had kids within 2 years so not much time to develop friends in that lets hang out spontaneity phase. Plus we live inner suburbs and work in DC, but all our co-workers live far away at least outside beltway so logistics is quite complicated to just meet up.

School seems like good option, but we find most folks already have friends from the earlier stages of their lives so we don't know how to break in. On top of our two working parent no support scenario which results in a constantly messy house and little free time for spontaneity.

Sounds like you have it good PP; I wish I grew up in a place I would have liked to stay and raise a family, or at least had professional jobs to give that option! Enjoy your good fortune.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have many dear friends, some I've known since childhood, some more recent. That being said, I have found making friends in DC to be really really hard. I freelance from home (which is another way to say my salary wouldnt cover childcare). I've tried activities, volunteer stuff... but it is very very hard here. I never had any trouble before.

I have never formed close friendships here in DC. When I lived in other states it was easier.

[Anonymous]

I've struggled to make friends here with kids. I had two good friends in the DC before kids but both have since moved to other states. I met both through a yahoo social group that has since closed. I've tried to use meetup but most of the groups I've joined seem to be very inactive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Lot of friends = too much drama

OP, do you have 1 or 2 really good friends? If so, keep them and forget trying to expand your circle.

Hmm. Interesting view.

I agree with this

We made a lot friends as our kids were growing. Those were all transient and not real friends. Sure we would drink and socializ and have dinner but after our kids went to school they were not there. And we find ourselves back to old friends made pre kids. First job out of school first dating group. 30 years and I could count on one hand but they are our life now.

Invest your time in your real life long friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Lot of friends = too much drama

OP, do you have 1 or 2 really good friends? If so, keep them and forget trying to expand your circle.

Hmm. Interesting view.

I agree with this

We made a lot friends as our kids were growing. Those were all transient and not real friends. Sure we would drink and socializ and have dinner but after our kids went to school they were not there. And we find ourselves back to old friends made pre kids. First job out of school first dating group. 30 years and I could count on one hand but they are our life now.

Invest your time in your real life long friends.

None of our prekid friends are here now so that is a tough plan to follow!

[Anonymous]

I haven't made a new friend in years. The only local friends I have are mostly from a group of people I worked with 20+ years ago when I first came to DC, and we were all young and single together. They are now spread out (a few have even retired and most of the rest live in the outer suburbs), so I don't have people I see or hang with on a regular basis. Haven't made a single "mom friend". I do activities with my kid at church and school, but never seem to do anything socially with other families.

I get it OP, but not sure what the solution is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an extroverted person and making friends comes easily.
I am also loyal and put in the work in friendships that they need to sustain. I make the phone calls, go out on a limb and invite people to things, return emails, I attend functions when its possible for me to and not flake out because its easier.

My 4 best friends are my mom, sister and two sister-in-laws.
We talk every single day.
I have friends from high school that I reach out to regularly. Some i've kept all along and some I reconnected with through Facebook after I had a child. They similarly had babies around the same time and we had that in common. We joined running (with stroller) groups, went mall walking, etc. You could reconnect with people on Facebook. Shoot them a message and ask to meet for coffee or wine or whatever suits you.

I have friends that I made through work. Most of them started out as drinking buddies pre-husband and pre-babies. We keep in touch and get together when we can. You can befriend someone at work the daily proximity makes it easy. Find someone that makes you laugh or that you enjoy their qualities and pursue something there.

You can make friends by joining sport teams or the gym.

Some of my closest friends lately have been wonderful families that I've met through my child's school. I pick DD up every night and make conversation with the other parents that are also there. I started by inviting one lady (and her child) that i thought looked nice and i enjoyed talking to, to go ice skating with me and my DD. This led to more get togethers, wine nights, family trips together.

Yes it is work but it's worthwhile.

Your situation is very atypical for most DCUM families. Many are not from around here, so no family support (which makes life way easier in general freeing up time for investing in friendships and maybe even free babysitting). And the network of friends from high school and pre-kids work are hard to replicate.

We moved here and had kids within 2 years so not much time to develop friends in that lets hang out spontaneity phase. Plus we live inner suburbs and work in DC, but all our co-workers live far away at least outside beltway so logistics is quite complicated to just meet up.

School seems like good option, but we find most folks already have friends from the earlier stages of their lives so we don't know how to break in. On top of our two working parent no support scenario which results in a constantly messy house and little free time for spontaneity.

Sounds like you have it good PP; I wish I grew up in a place I would have liked to stay and raise a family, or at least had professional jobs to give that option! Enjoy your good fortune.

I'm not local and have a large group of friends here.

I met three od my very best friends through a moms group when my kids were.infants. I've met same good friends through the gym and work.

Yes, it takes WORK. I reach out to people, remember small thigs about them and ask, and I use techniques when meeting people to try to connect on an emotional level. This is how bonds are formed.

I make time to go out by having a list of babysitters.

You have to put yourself out there and not be too reserved. Reserved people can be perceived as boring and uninteresting. Make good conversation even it it means outlining in your head what you might try to talk about. Choose topics that build emotional bonds. Here is a great read.

http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-start-an-interesting-conversation-2015-9?utm_content=bufferb81a4&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have many dear friends, some I've known since childhood, some more recent. That being said, I have found making friends in DC to be really really hard. I freelance from home (which is another way to say my salary wouldnt cover childcare). I've tried activities, volunteer stuff... but it is very very hard here. I never had any trouble before.

I have never formed close friendships here in DC. When I lived in other states it was easier.

As a kid, I moved often and made friends everywhere we lived. Despite all of that, I remained good friends with 2 people and we still keep in contact to this day. I also learned that having a large circle of "friends" (I put friends in quotes because you learn along the way that most aren't you're friend, they just use you) resulted in a lot of drama and most of it could have been avoided.

Once I become an adult and moved to another state, I found it to be harder because most of those in my age bracket already had their "clique" and they weren't to keen on an outsider trying to get to know them even though we had similar interests. Some would eventually open up (months or years later) but it was basically too late as far as I was concerned.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, your and became...stupid spell check, lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an extroverted person and making friends comes easily.
I am also loyal and put in the work in friendships that they need to sustain. I make the phone calls, go out on a limb and invite people to things, return emails, I attend functions when its possible for me to and not flake out because its easier.

My 4 best friends are my mom, sister and two sister-in-laws.
We talk every single day.
I have friends from high school that I reach out to regularly. Some i've kept all along and some I reconnected with through Facebook after I had a child. They similarly had babies around the same time and we had that in common. We joined running (with stroller) groups, went mall walking, etc. You could reconnect with people on Facebook. Shoot them a message and ask to meet for coffee or wine or whatever suits you.

I have friends that I made through work. Most of them started out as drinking buddies pre-husband and pre-babies. We keep in touch and get together when we can. You can befriend someone at work the daily proximity makes it easy. Find someone that makes you laugh or that you enjoy their qualities and pursue something there.

You can make friends by joining sport teams or the gym.

Some of my closest friends lately have been wonderful families that I've met through my child's school. I pick DD up every night and make conversation with the other parents that are also there. I started by inviting one lady (and her child) that i thought looked nice and i enjoyed talking to, to go ice skating with me and my DD. This led to more get togethers, wine nights, family trips together.

Yes it is work but it's worthwhile.

Your situation is very atypical for most DCUM families. Many are not from around here, so no family support (which makes life way easier in general freeing up time for investing in friendships and maybe even free babysitting). And the network of friends from high school and pre-kids work are hard to replicate.

We moved here and had kids within 2 years so not much time to develop friends in that lets hang out spontaneity phase. Plus we live inner suburbs and work in DC, but all our co-workers live far away at least outside beltway so logistics is quite complicated to just meet up.

School seems like good option, but we find most folks already have friends from the earlier stages of their lives so we don't know how to break in. On top of our two working parent no support scenario which results in a constantly messy house and little free time for spontaneity.

Sounds like you have it good PP; I wish I grew up in a place I would have liked to stay and raise a family, or at least had professional jobs to give that option! Enjoy your good fortune.

I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an extroverted person and making friends comes easily.
I am also loyal and put in the work in friendships that they need to sustain. I make the phone calls, go out on a limb and invite people to things, return emails, I attend functions when its possible for me to and not flake out because its easier.

My 4 best friends are my mom, sister and two sister-in-laws.
We talk every single day.
I have friends from high school that I reach out to regularly. Some i've kept all along and some I reconnected with through Facebook after I had a child. They similarly had babies around the same time and we had that in common. We joined running (with stroller) groups, went mall walking, etc. You could reconnect with people on Facebook. Shoot them a message and ask to meet for coffee or wine or whatever suits you.

I have friends that I made through work. Most of them started out as drinking buddies pre-husband and pre-babies. We keep in touch and get together when we can. You can befriend someone at work the daily proximity makes it easy. Find someone that makes you laugh or that you enjoy their qualities and pursue something there.

You can make friends by joining sport teams or the gym.

Some of my closest friends lately have been wonderful families that I've met through my child's school. I pick DD up every night and make conversation with the other parents that are also there. I started by inviting one lady (and her child) that i thought looked nice and i enjoyed talking to, to go ice skating with me and my DD. This led to more get togethers, wine nights, family trips together.

Yes it is work but it's worthwhile.

Your situation is very atypical for most DCUM families. Many are not from around here, so no family support (which makes life way easier in general freeing up time for investing in friendships and maybe even free babysitting). And the network of friends from high school and pre-kids work are hard to replicate.

We moved here and had kids within 2 years so not much time to develop friends in that lets hang out spontaneity phase. Plus we live inner suburbs and work in DC, but all our co-workers live far away at least outside beltway so logistics is quite complicated to just meet up.

School seems like good option, but we find most folks already have friends from the earlier stages of their lives so we don't know how to break in. On top of our two working parent no support scenario which results in a constantly messy house and little free time for spontaneity.

Sounds like you have it good PP; I wish I grew up in a place I would have liked to stay and raise a family, or at least had professional jobs to give that option! Enjoy your good fortune.

I agree with this.

I don't see it that way. It sounds like a conscious choice not to pursue friendship all along. I mean no insult whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

A few strategies:

1. Meet new people: join meetup.com, take a class, join your college alum club, hang out in public places and chat people up, go to neighborhood meetings, volunteer. To me, this is the most work-intensive approach, so it only works if you are enjoying these activities on their own, and meeting someone who might become a friend is just a side benefit.

2. Turn acquaintances into friends. Who among your acquaintances would you be willing to spend two hours a month with at a bar/coffee shop/museum/etc. Realize that friends don't have to be best friends. Find something you want to do and invite one of these acquaintances. Accept that people will say no sometimes and keep trying.

3. Reconnect with old friends-even if they don't live in your area.