Celebrity adoptions break my heart

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the BBC. . .what the father of Madonna's first adopted son David is quoted as saying. . .

"Yohane Banda had earlier told the AP news agency he would not have consented to the adoption if he had known it meant giving up his son.

He initially thought Madonna would just "educate and take care of our son".

"I was never told that adoption means that David will no longer be my son - if I was told this, I would not have allowed the adoption."

Why then was the child in an orphanage?

I heard the father pretty much abandoned his son (which also made tracking him down very difficult and why they thought he wasn't alive), but technically he (the father) was still alive, so the son is not a "true" orphan.

The father just happened to come out of the wood-work when he heard Madonna was seeking to adopt his son (- coincidence?). All of the sudden he wants his 15 min. of fame.

[Anonymous]

"but technically he (the father) was still alive, so the son is not a "true" orphan. "


Children who are relinquished or abandoned are considered true orphans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"but technically he (the father) was still alive, so the son is not a "true" orphan. "


Children who are relinquished or abandoned are considered true orphans.

maybe in the US, but not necessarily in Malawi - have you ever tried following up on documentation (especially on adoptions) outside the US?...and in a country where very few people can read and write (and "relinquish" parental rights)?

[Anonymous]

"maybe in the US, but not necessarily in Malawi - have you ever tried following up on documentation (especially on adoptions) outside the US?...and in a country where very few people can read and write (and "relinquish" parental rights)? "


Yeah, I did three of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Why then was the child in an orphanage?

Because in other countries in the world, orphanages take care of children - provide food, clothing, shelter - while the parents are not able to. The parents can return for their child in the future. Further, in some countries, if an child is visited by a relative while in the orphanage the child will not be adoptable. Not all children in orphanges in the world are available for adoption. Many have biological parents who have not or will not surrender their rights or biological family who will not do so but they also will not remove the child. The family many not have the resources to feed, clothe and educate the child so at least in the orphanage they get all those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"maybe in the US, but not necessarily in Malawi - have you ever tried following up on documentation (especially on adoptions) outside the US?...and in a country where very few people can read and write (and "relinquish" parental rights)? "


Yeah, I did three of them.

You did three what? Three document follow-ups or three international adoptions??

[Anonymous]

Adoption is a much more complicated situation then can probably be addressed in such a forum as this. If some rich person, celebrity or not, is adopting a child for PR purposes rather than the desire to provide that child with a loving and nurturing environment then that is truly terrible whether the child's biological parents are living or not. However, not every celebrity adoption case is a rewriting of Mommy Dearest and the details that would prove one way or another will never be privy to the common man. There are plenty of celebrities out there who are terrible parents to there own biological children as well as rotten parents we've never heard of. I don't know Madonna, I can't possibly determine what her motives are based on tabloid reporting, I just hope that every adopted child ends up in a better situation than the one they were previously in.

[Anonymous]

Don't be so judgemental.
David Bandas mother died of Malaria. His impoverished father let him stay in the orphanage and he still had contacts with his extended family.
We are talking about an ancient culture where motherless children are cared for by the extended community. At no point is it the case of cut off all contact. I believe the father when he says basically says the 'cut off all contact' was something he did not understand.
How could he have understood that. It does not exist in his culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't be so judgemental.
David Bandas mother died of Malaria. His impoverished father let him stay in the orphanage and he still had contacts with his extended family.
We are talking about an ancient culture where motherless children are cared for by the extended community. At no point is it the case of cut off all contact. I believe the father when he says basically says the 'cut off all contact' was something he did not understand.
How could he have understood that. It does not exist in his culture.

How has he been cut off? Whenever Madonna visits Malawi there are pics of the boy and his father in the news. She takes them to visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How has he been cut off? Whenever Madonna visits Malawi there are pics of the boy and his father in the news. She takes them to visit.

Those rare visits are hardly as much as he was expecting

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PP. Can you imagine another couple bringing your child to VISIT you, because they could financially care for your child, and you couldn't? That is what really gets to me regarding the Madonna situation.

[Anonymous]

I see both sides to this issue.
I can see why many African countries look down on international adoptions, partly for cultural reasons and reasons that I believe have something to do with the slave trade. Many countries regardless of how poor, see the children born there having a right to remain there. So an overseas adoption would be seen as a violation of these rights.

People all over the world give their kids up for many reasons. The most common being an inability to care for them. If I lived in Malawi and considered giving my child up, and heard that Madonna was looking, I would present my child to her, simply because I would be able to follow that child pretty much forever. That would probably help to ease the pain. If I thought that there was any chance that my child would end up like those three lovely girls who were killed by their adoptive mother last year, I would keep my child, we would tough it out together.

Madonna walked away from the situation without causing a fuss. That is more than I can say for families who take children, even when the parents object. The cases I know of in this country involved sophisticated, educated, wealthy parents who were able to defeat a weak teen father or mother who tried to regain custody of their children. This in my mind is nothing short of abduction. If these parents who believe that they are giving those kids a better life can sleep at night after those shenanigans, then they probably will not make good role models.

I think that Madonna's heart is in the right place. She may not make a great wife, but she seems to be a good mother. She wanted to adopt children in need. That is fine. She also wanted to bring awareness to the problem of poverty in Malawi. Hopefully she was encouraging more families of all races to consider adopting children who are Black. Yes, Black, rather than White, Asian, or Hispanic.

As we read this post, can we all ask ourselves what we have done for the poorest people on the planet. Not what we have done for our child's school, or a museum, but what have we done for the very poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the PP. Can you imagine another couple bringing your child to VISIT you, because they could financially care for your child, and you couldn't? That is what really gets to me regarding the Madonna situation.

I KNOW!! If I had her means, I'd rather help financially support and keep the family intact.

I certainly would adopt a FULLY orphaned child, but not one with a known family who just simply could not provide for him/her. I would be moved to help the child, but certainly not remove him from the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the PP. Can you imagine another couple bringing your child to VISIT you, because they could financially care for your child, and you couldn't? That is what really gets to me regarding the Madonna situation.

I KNOW!! If I had her means, I'd rather help financially support and keep the family intact.

I certainly would adopt a FULLY orphaned child, but not one with a known family who just simply could not provide for him/her. I would be moved to help the child, but certainly not remove him from the home.

So that means all the children who are given up by teen parents would not be a consideration?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the PP. Can you imagine another couple bringing your child to VISIT you, because they could financially care for your child, and you couldn't? That is what really gets to me regarding the Madonna situation.

I KNOW!! If I had her means, I'd rather help financially support and keep the family intact.

I certainly would adopt a FULLY orphaned child, but not one with a known family who just simply could not provide for him/her. I would be moved to help the child, but certainly not remove him from the home.

Yes. Wouldn't it be great if she adopted the family? And gave them the means to take care of themselves? I have lived and worked in Africa, and it is true what others have said. Parents are forced to place their children in orphanages so they can get simple things like water and food. It requires us in the developed world to see things differently when it comes to foreign adoptions. I have seen women in villages weeping, because they had to hand their children over to agencies that could insure their survival. It tore them to pieces.

Imagine this. You love your child so much. And you want them to thrive. To do that, you have to let them go to other parents (or Madonnas). Not because you were a bad parent, but simply because you don't have access to food or water. Meanwhile Madonna is washing her hair only in Evian.

Kills me. It happens all the time, and it never makes the news.