Small house dilemna

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're two adults and two teens in two bedrooms with 1 1/4 baths. We're fine.

What is a 1/4 bath?

[Anonymous]

We live in a nice sized single family but the kids want to move to the apartments down the street bc they think they are cool. One of my kids 2nd grader friends has a phone, so he wants one. Um, no. Kids always want more. This is the building character part of parenting.

[Anonymous]

We live in a consumer driven, envy inducing country. Our culture consists of the almighty dollar. We are ripe for a truly left wing presidency one hopes.

[Anonymous]

I've heard this from another friend of mine too. I can't really relate. My kids have NEVER come home asking for a larger house after a playdate. But we've also told them that we live in the small house because that's what we can afford, and how thankful we are for being able to afford a home, clothes, food, electricity, etc.
Don't feel bad for your kids due to your house size. Your kids will be fine.
And as PP said above, they will always want something. My child asked for an IPad for a while because his friend had one.

[Anonymous]

Most kids will always compare something. I have one DC who used to be very concerned about the size of our house vs. friends' and one who doesn't care at all. We make a point to talk about what we love about our house and our neighborhood. It seems to have mattered less as he got older, and was exposed to more friends with both smaller and bigger homes.

Personally, I prefer a smaller home and wouldn't want a really large one, both from cost/maintenance and family interaction. Still, there are times when I wish the living room were bigger or we had a mudroom. In those time, browsing Apartment Therapy is helpful -- I get ideas for tweaks we could make and my house seems quite big compared to most of those highlighted on the site.

[Anonymous]

We're 4 people in a 2 br, 1 BA 800 sq ft apt (DD 22 returns to college next week).

[Anonymous]

My kids have never said anything. But what I find funny is the number of kids that come over to our house and say it's "big" - its a 3 bedroom house (I think 1800 ft, but I dont' remember)- but it's a contemporary - so I think it's just a layout they aren't use to. I usually say, no sweetie, it's just the ceiling/layout. But, we live near many mcmansions and they have friends with truly big houses.

Everyone compares on something, it's actually kinda good. Shows they are being aware. Hopefully they can see that everyone is different, but they are still friends. It's when envy comes in that you need to worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 4 members in our family and a 3 BR, 1.5 BA house, which we had thought was a reasonable purchase given the size of our family and our income. As our kids are getting older, they are starting to compare their small home with the 2000 sq ft + or 1 million+ houses of their neighbors and friends. They feel sort of bewildered and sad about why their home is so much smaller. I also think they are embarrassed when kids come over for play dates.

Most days I tell myself that they will get over it, but there are other days when I empathize with them and understand that their feelings are reasonable given where we live (Montgomery County). How important do you think it is it to have a spacious home?

Assign them to do research on housing around the world and to identify where in the spectrum they reside.

Then have them start gratitude journals.

[Anonymous]

I was just driving with my kids in one of the outer burbs and they were admiring the big houses and big lawns (we live in a tiny Cape on a tiny lot in Arlington) and then we got into the traffic on 66 and I said, see, you would NEVER see Mommy and Daddy if we lived out here, because we would always be driving back and forth to work, and you'd have to do morning and afternoon extended day and we'd never get to do anything fun. Which is may overstating things somewhat, but it would more than double our commutes, so it would be less time together as a family. I think they got it, a little. (They weren't super envious...just more like "look at that house! They have a swingset! Why don't we have a big yard?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They feel sort of bewildered and sad about why their home is so much smaller.

This is pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok. Another point of view here. We have a large house (4500 Sq feet). Nonetheless, my kids see even larger houses and make comparisons.

Yep - same here. This is a good time for having a conversation about material wealth vs. other types of wealth and the decisions you made and why you are just fine not having the biggest house in the neighborhood. It's adequate for your needs and enables you to go and do things that you wouldn't be able to do if you had the mortgage that comes with a 4500 SF house or the job situation or the family situation etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're two adults and two teens in two bedrooms with 1 1/4 baths. We're fine.

What is a 1/4 bath?

1/2 of 1/2 bath.

In other words, a 1/2 bath for pygmies.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I think kids just like the idea of something different. DH and I and our two kids needed to move to an apartment for four months after the derecho due to house repairs. My older son loved apartment living - having other folks nearby, walking to stores and restaurants, etc., and asks to go back sometimes, even though he has a yard and swingset and basement full of toys at the house.

The grass is always greener!

[Anonymous]

OP, my DS especially used to complain about our small home.
When he complains now, I mention to him that this is the choice DH and I made for our family, but that when he is an adult, he can make different choices for himself if it's that important to him.
I don't say it in a dismissive manner, and have educated him in the past about income/debt/lifestyle choices.

[Anonymous]

I tell my eight year old son that there will always be people with bigger, fancier stuff-- maybe they have more money or choose to spend it differently. None of that signals our worth or the quality and worth of a friend.