My Wife Hits Me

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm tired of it. She only gets away with it b/c I was taught to "never hit a girl." However, there are times I really just want to floor her when she throws punches. Instead, I just walk away.

You're doing the right thing not to retaliate phisically. I'd see nothing wrong in holding her wrists and yelling "STOP or I'll have you arrested", tho.

But the thing you really need to do is to leave. You're a victim of abuse, your gender doesn't matter. Leave.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman. What you need to do is the same.

NEVER retaliate. It has nothing to do with "never hit a woman." Becoming a physical abuser yourself doesn't help anyone.

You need to call the police and the domestic abuse hotline. Document as many incidents as you can, going as far back as you can.

Get out of this relationship immediately. Stay with a relative or friend until you can get your own safe place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't retaliate, particularly if you're a man. That being said, why are you still with her? And if she hits you, you need to get out before you teach your kids that it's OK.

+1

Get out, get out, get out.

[Anonymous]

Don't retaliate, particularly if you're a man. That being said, why are you still with her? And if she hits you, you need to get out before you teach your kids that it's OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm tired of it. She only gets away with it b/c I was taught to "never hit a girl." However, there are times I really just want to floor her when she throws punches. Instead, I just walk away.

Are you provoking her to that point? Escalating arguments and pushing buttonstoavoid dealing with the real issue at hand? I'd probably push you out the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm tired of it. She only gets away with it b/c I was taught to "never hit a girl." However, there are times I really just want to floor her when she throws punches. Instead, I just walk away.

Are you provoking her to that point? Escalating arguments and pushing buttonstoavoid dealing with the real issue at hand? I'd probably push you out the door.

Even if OP were being provocative, that's not an excuse for hitting someone. Provocation is actually a fairly common defense mechanism for abuse victims. In abusive relationships, there is typically a cycle (the length of which can vary) where there is an incident of abuse, then a period of reconciliation, a period of peace, then a build-up of tension to the next incident of abuse. Victims get pretty good after a while of sensing when their abuser is in the build-up period, and that time of waiting for the violence to come and the uncertainty of when it will happen, is torturous for the victim. So the victim provokes their abuser to anger so that the abuser will lash out and become violent to get that over with and then get to the calm of reconciliation and peace again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd see nothing wrong in holding her wrists and yelling "STOP or I'll have you arrested", tho.

As a guy, I totally disagree. This would likely leave bruises and that's enough to get him arrested. Don't lay a finger on her, get a lawyer, file for a restraining order and then draw up divorce papers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd see nothing wrong in holding her wrists and yelling "STOP or I'll have you arrested", tho.

As a guy, I totally disagree. This would likely leave bruises and that's enough to get him arrested. Don't lay a finger on her, get a lawyer, file for a restraining order and then draw up divorce papers.

Yes. If you leave bruises on her, nobody will believe that the man is the real victim. Men are often the victims of domestic abuse, but many don't come forward because they are embarrassed. I would leave. The abuser's behavior is almost impossible to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd see nothing wrong in holding her wrists and yelling "STOP or I'll have you arrested", tho.

As a guy, I totally disagree. This would likely leave bruises and that's enough to get him arrested. Don't lay a finger on her, get a lawyer, file for a restraining order and then draw up divorce papers.

I'm a woman and I agree with this. Just leave if she starts and get divorced. This is not acceptable behavior from anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yes. If you leave bruises on her, nobody will believe that the man is the real victim. Men are often the victims of domestic abuse, but many don't come forward because they are embarrassed. I would leave. The abuser's behavior is almost impossible to change.

Correct. In many jurisdictions, if the police are called for a domestic violence situation, the man is taken away, most of the time in handcuffs, regardless of who is at fault or the aggressor.

Know how to avoid a situation like this? Don't live with women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm tired of it. She only gets away with it b/c I was taught to "never hit a girl." However, there are times I really just want to floor her when she throws punches. Instead, I just walk away.

Are you provoking her to that point? Escalating arguments and pushing buttonstoavoid dealing with the real issue at hand? I'd probably push you out the door.

Even if OP were being provocative, that's not an excuse for hitting someone. Provocation is actually a fairly common defense mechanism for abuse victims. In abusive relationships, there is typically a cycle (the length of which can vary) where there is an incident of abuse, then a period of reconciliation, a period of peace, then a build-up of tension to the next incident of abuse. Victims get pretty good after a while of sensing when their abuser is in the build-up period, and that time of waiting for the violence to come and the uncertainty of when it will happen, is torturous for the victim. So the victim provokes their abuser to anger so that the abuser will lash out and become violent to get that over with and then get to the calm of reconciliation and peace again.

What provokes her to rage and violence? How about a container of guacamole I left on the counter? For this, I am a "stupid, lazy f**k. Yesterday, I was a "liability, a no good POS" who "never does anything around the house." When I tell her I will not sit and listen to her abuse, she will follow me out of the room or even out of the house and on several occasions just stands in front of me physically and gets in my face. She is a sick woman and no different from a man who abuses his wife or girlfriend. Cut from the same cloth and says the same things. If you didn't make me angry, I wouldn't . . . . , etc.

[Anonymous]

Can you videotape or record this?

[Anonymous]

Get a hidden camera and the next time she hits you and it is on record...put her over your knee and spank her ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm tired of it. She only gets away with it b/c I was taught to "never hit a girl." However, there are times I really just want to floor her when she throws punches. Instead, I just walk away.

Are you provoking her to that point? Escalating arguments and pushing buttonstoavoid dealing with the real issue at hand? I'd probably push you out the door.

Even if OP were being provocative, that's not an excuse for hitting someone. Provocation is actually a fairly common defense mechanism for abuse victims. In abusive relationships, there is typically a cycle (the length of which can vary) where there is an incident of abuse, then a period of reconciliation, a period of peace, then a build-up of tension to the next incident of abuse. Victims get pretty good after a while of sensing when their abuser is in the build-up period, and that time of waiting for the violence to come and the uncertainty of when it will happen, is torturous for the victim. So the victim provokes their abuser to anger so that the abuser will lash out and become violent to get that over with and then get to the calm of reconciliation and peace again.

What provokes her to rage and violence? How about a container of guacamole I left on the counter? For this, I am a "stupid, lazy f**k. Yesterday, I was a "liability, a no good POS" who "never does anything around the house." When I tell her I will not sit and listen to her abuse, she will follow me out of the room or even out of the house and on several occasions just stands in front of me physically and gets in my face. She is a sick woman and no different from a man who abuses his wife or girlfriend. Cut from the same cloth and says the same things. If you didn't make me angry, I wouldn't . . . . , etc.

Why don't you leave, OP? What's keeping you with her?