Cut ties with rich friend?

[Anonymous]

She is sharing her life with you. Presumably you are sharing your life with her. Would your prefer to have a fake relationship where she hides any activity that she does that you cannot afford. That would be very condescending. I don't think the issue is your friend, but your envy of her lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting debate. I am not rolling in cash but my family does very well and have gotten use to a certain lifestyle. I sometimes wonder if I look like a rich jerk to some of my friends and family. Now starting to think I do. I agree that it is easier to be friends with people in your same socioeconomic circumstances but that is kind of sad to say.

I'm in a similar position, where we have done fine by local standards, but our normal is dramatically different than most of my friends from school and college. Although I tend to think just being aware that not everyone has the same lifestyle goes a very long way to not being that obnoxious, oblivious friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting debate. I am not rolling in cash but my family does very well and have gotten use to a certain lifestyle. I sometimes wonder if I look like a rich jerk to some of my friends and family. Now starting to think I do. I agree that it is easier to be friends with people in your same socioeconomic circumstances but that is kind of sad to say.

Everyone loses if we limit our friends to those within our own socioeconomic status--just like limiting our friendships to our own race, religion, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting debate. I am not rolling in cash but my family does very well and have gotten use to a certain lifestyle. I sometimes wonder if I look like a rich jerk to some of my friends and family. Now starting to think I do. I agree that it is easier to be friends with people in your same socioeconomic circumstances but that is kind of sad to say.

I'm in a similar position, where we have done fine by local standards, but our normal is dramatically different than most of my friends from school and college. Although I tend to think just being aware that not everyone has the same lifestyle goes a very long way to not being that obnoxious, oblivious friend.

Right. I'm not OP, but I'm PP ah 16:08 with the friend who married well and turned into a wealthy woman. It's not her means that are the problem, and it's not her telling me what she's up to that's the problem. It's that she's forgotten what it's like to not be wealthy. They charter private jets for personal travel because, "Who flies commercial anymore? It's just a nightmare!" Well, I do. Thanks for making me feel like a 2nd rate citizen.

[Anonymous]

Only you can decide if the friendship is worth it. I have had friends for years that had quirks, that we're kind of fun at first, then tolerable and finally it just reached a point I realized Iit was no longer worth the effort.


I think if you keep the friendship you have to be willing to accept her for who she is.

[Anonymous]

I have not read the replies, but my bigger issue with this friend would be her inflexibility. She sounds like someone who thinks there is one "right" life path that everyone should follow, and looks down on anyone who takes a different path. My mother is like this and it drives me batty. I think this tendency is rooted in insecurity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading between the lines a little, I'm wondering if she is simply telling you about her day to day life, which is what friends catching up do, and because of your discomfort with the difference between your life and her life, it is awkward to you when it's your turn to share.
With the relationship you described (phone calls regularly) it may be simply that "what did you do this weekend" is naturally going to include descriptions of things out of your reach that are her day to day reality.
With all that being said, if it is uncomfortable and awkward for you, then yes, you need to back away from this friendship. But maybe a fair look at what your part in this is would be helpful in your own life, too.
FWIW I am the "poor" person in a friendship like this, but don't have similar feelings of awkwardness when sharing about camping after listening to what her yacht captain wore to dinner, but that's just me and my friend is lovely

^^ I too think that this is what is going on. I mean, what is OP's friend supposed to talk about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is sharing her life with you. Presumably you are sharing your life with her. Would your prefer to have a fake relationship where she hides any activity that she does that you cannot afford. That would be very condescending. I don't think the issue is your friend, but your envy of her lifestyle.

I also felt that your friend was just sharing what was happening in her life, as most friends do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't feel bad about cutting ties. Sometimes you have to re-evaluate friendships. Free time is precious and limited - don't spend it on someone you don't like.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading between the lines a little, I'm wondering if she is simply telling you about her day to day life, which is what friends catching up do, and because of your discomfort with the difference between your life and her life, it is awkward to you when it's your turn to share.
With the relationship you described (phone calls regularly) it may be simply that "what did you do this weekend" is naturally going to include descriptions of things out of your reach that are her day to day reality.
With all that being said, if it is uncomfortable and awkward for you, then yes, you need to back away from this friendship. But maybe a fair look at what your part in this is would be helpful in your own life, too.
FWIW I am the "poor" person in a friendship like this, but don't have similar feelings of awkwardness when sharing about camping after listening to what her yacht captain wore to dinner, but that's just me and my friend is lovely

I agree. I'm the "rich" friend in a relationship and with one friend I feel like I have to hide details about my life. I feel like I can't share about a vacation or I have to be embarrassed when she notices my new shoes or handbag. It's a little strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is sharing her life with you. Presumably you are sharing your life with her. Would your prefer to have a fake relationship where she hides any activity that she does that you cannot afford. That would be very condescending. I don't think the issue is your friend, but your envy of her lifestyle.

I also felt that your friend was just sharing what was happening in her life, as most friends do.

I completely agree!!!!

[Anonymous]

Your friend sounds like she's either moronic or tone-deaf, or subconsciously really enjoys using you to boost her self-esteem. I find it hard to believe any normal person can be as insensitive to reality as she is.

I come from a pretty privileged background, and often made it a point in college to dress down because my friends were all from lower-middle-class or middle-class families, and I enjoyed being able to fit in with no expectations and have them feel comfortable around me. None of them had any idea I had money unless I invited them to my hometown to stay with me.

Your friend is useless. Toss her.

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me like the friendship has simply run its course OP.

Sad, but true.

You sound very humble and down-to-earth. Your friend? Not so much. And that is not saying she is good or bad.

In her mind, things are a certain manner. In your own, they are that way as well. But you both are on different wavelengths now, opposite sides of the spectrum so I don't see how you can connect fundamentally anymore.

I say you stop associating with her. Friends are supposed to make our lives happier and they are supposed to better our lives in some form.

I do not see any of that here....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading between the lines a little, I'm wondering if she is simply telling you about her day to day life, which is what friends catching up do, and because of your discomfort with the difference between your life and her life, it is awkward to you when it's your turn to share.
With the relationship you described (phone calls regularly) it may be simply that "what did you do this weekend" is naturally going to include descriptions of things out of your reach that are her day to day reality.
With all that being said, if it is uncomfortable and awkward for you, then yes, you need to back away from this friendship. But maybe a fair look at what your part in this is would be helpful in your own life, too.
FWIW I am the "poor" person in a friendship like this, but don't have similar feelings of awkwardness when sharing about camping after listening to what her yacht captain wore to dinner, but that's just me and my friend is lovely

I agree. I'm the "rich" friend in a relationship and with one friend I feel like I have to hide details about my life. I feel like I can't share about a vacation or I have to be embarrassed when she notices my new shoes or handbag. It's a little strange.

You don't have to hide the details of your life.

I'm not the rich friend, but the poor one. Well, we're not really poor since we both make six figures, but we're not multiple vacation home and yacht wealthy. We have to budget and save.

The key is not hiding your own info, but not belittling (inadvertently or not) the poorer person's required lifestyle. Like the PP who's wealthy friend flew in private planes and wondered aloud how anyone could possibly tolerate flying commercial. We'd love to hear about your beautiful tropical vacation. Just don't add that you can't imaging having to go to a horrible place like Virginia Beach when your friend just went to Virginia Beach.

[Anonymous]

I've been on both sides regarding money and friendships.

I have drifted from a good friend because of it. While home renovations and vacations didn't bother me, we couldn't afford to go on vacation with them anymore or even out to dinner. They needed the house ON the beach and they grew to be above going to just a diner for lunch. The house that's "only" $400 a night per family or lunch that will "only" he a $50 pre fixe just wasn't happening. Which is fine for me but they wouldn't come down to my level on it. They chose to go with their friends who would afford it rather than pick another location.

I like to think that I'm careful when I'm on the other side of things. I don't shy away from talking about what we are doing in terms of travel or kids activities, but when I know there's a difference in how we handle things I never touch upon cost and I acknowledge that we are lucky for what we have.

Money doesn't mean the end of a friendship; treating people like they're below you, and jealousy does.