Late or bounced child support checks

[Anonymous]

Was the child support calculated on a higher income than he's currently making? I'm wondering if that's the case and he's too embarrassed to come clean. Unfortunately for you, that would mean that your child support could go down if you were making a higher income relative to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was the child support calculated on a higher income than he's currently making? I'm wondering if that's the case and he's too embarrassed to come clean. Unfortunately for you, that would mean that your child support could go down if you were making a higher income relative to him.

OP here. He was making approx. the same amount as me. I would be OK with him paying less but please just pay smth. Pay for the kids' school supplies, pay for his asthma meds. Don't have your 11 yr boy give you twenty bucks for pizza. That's just plain embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was the child support calculated on a higher income than he's currently making? I'm wondering if that's the case and he's too embarrassed to come clean. Unfortunately for you, that would mean that your child support could go down if you were making a higher income relative to him.

OP here. He was making approx. the same amount as me. I would be OK with him paying less but please just pay smth. Pay for the kids' school supplies, pay for his asthma meds. Don't have your 11 yr boy give you twenty bucks for pizza. That's just plain embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

THIS: It's not fair for him to say he can't afford to pay so he's not paying. What if you can't afford to pay either?

As my lawyer said, he can afford to put gas in his car. He can afford to pay for his cell phone. He can afford the things that are a priority for him. You are not a priority for him. Unless you make yourself one.

Keep documenting how late he is with the payments. Once he gets to be say, three months behind, file with the courts. They don't want to hear about two week delays.

If your ex gets put in jail for failure to pay support, he won't be able to run that business of his. Watch how fast this threat changes his priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ex-DH and I had a pretty civil divorce, in my opinion. We communicate regularly, he has full access to our DS. However, for almost a year now his child support checks have been late by either a week or two and lately they started bouncing altogether. We talked, he keeps saying that his company is going through a rough patch, several clients have been late with their payments. I get it, he has a business. But I am not a wealthy person, so I've been pretty much shouldering all of our costs by myself. The mortgage, the association fees, medical insurance, clothes, camps, extracurricular activities. When DS computer died, I bought him a new one, even though ex-DH said "I'll pay half." Never happened. He promised to take DS on vacation to FL. Never happened either. I can't afford a real vacation this summer. Last night I suggested to go back to our lawyers and financial manager so that we can figure out a payment plan. Now I am getting bitchy phone calls from him and his family, calling me petty and cheap. WWYD?

If the checks are bouncing, he needs to pay you with cash or a cashier's check or a direct deposit. I wouldn't deal with bouncing checks.

On the other hand, I would be willing to split child support payments into weekly or twice monthly payments, if that was easier for ex-DH to pay.

I would refuse to talk to the EX-ILs. They can STFU and MYOB.

I would also consider dumping the house and getting something cheaper, if it was just me and one kid. That would take some financial burden off you. A condo might be perfect.

OP here. We already live in a condo. It's a 2-bdr condo in a nice neighborhood with good schools. I would not be able to afford a house. I am lucky I don't have student loans and DS doesn't go to a private school.

Then you don't have much to cut, except extracurriculars. I wouldn't cut extracurriculars until I had shaken as much child support out my ex as I could. Time to make an appointment with your lawyer.

[Anonymous]

If he is not paying for food and medication that is one thing, but if he is not paying for a vacation and a new computer that is another thing.

Sometime money is tight and you can't afford the extras, you son needs to learn that.

I don't think he should be late or not pay, but if you are complaining that he does not pay for 1/2 of a computer or a vacation I think you are being insensitive.

If he is having his 11 yo son front him $20 for food you are clearly not seeing the whole picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]If he is not paying for food and medication that is one thing, but if he is not paying for a vacation and a new computer that is another thing.[/b]

Sometime money is tight and you can't afford the extras, you son needs to learn that.

I don't think he should be late or not pay, but if you are complaining that he does not pay for 1/2 of a computer or a vacation I think you are being insensitive.

If he is having his 11 yo son front him $20 for food you are clearly not seeing the whole picture.

It doesn't work that way. Child support from one parent goes into the household budget of the other parent. Vacation, computers, all of it comes out of one budget. If he is not paying his child support, everything gets shorted. He has to pay his child support so that OP doesn't have to draw money out of other parts of her budget to pay for what the child support is covering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he is not paying for food and medication that is one thing, but if he is not paying for a vacation and a new computer that is another thing.

Sometime money is tight and you can't afford the extras, you son needs to learn that.

I don't think he should be late or not pay, but if you are complaining that he does not pay for 1/2 of a computer or a vacation I think you are being insensitive.

If he is having his 11 yo son front him $20 for food you are clearly not seeing the whole picture.

The ex *agreed* to pay for half of the computer and has since reneged.

OP is not asking him to pay for her vacation. She is complaining that because he fails to meet *his* responsibilities, she cannot afford to take a vacation.

He is the one who needs to reevaluate his priorities. If he needs to change the court order due to a change in his circumstance resulting in an inability to pay, he needs to pursue that option. Not paying OP, not paying on time, and giving OP checks that bounce is completely unacceptable. He's in essence stealing from her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]If he is not paying for food and medication that is one thing, but if he is not paying for a vacation and a new computer that is another thing.[/b]

Sometime money is tight and you can't afford the extras, you son needs to learn that.

I don't think he should be late or not pay, but if you are complaining that he does not pay for 1/2 of a computer or a vacation I think you are being insensitive.

If he is having his 11 yo son front him $20 for food you are clearly not seeing the whole picture.

It doesn't work that way. Child support from one parent goes into the household budget of the other parent. Vacation, computers, all of it comes out of one budget. If he is not paying his child support, everything gets shorted. He has to pay his child support so that OP doesn't have to draw money out of other parts of her budget to pay for what the child support is covering.

+1

What's up with all the haters that don't think that single moms should get to go on vacation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:THIS: It's not fair for him to say he can't afford to pay so he's not paying. What if you can't afford to pay either?

As my lawyer said, he can afford to put gas in his car. He can afford to pay for his cell phone. He can afford the things that are a priority for him. You are not a priority for him. Unless you make yourself one.

Keep documenting how late he is with the payments. Once he gets to be say, three months behind, file with the courts. They don't want to hear about two week delays.

If your ex gets put in jail for failure to pay support, he won't be able to run that business of his. Watch how fast this threat changes his priorities.

This logic is not logical except to an attorney milking you for everything you have. He needs to put gas in his car to get to/from work. He needs a cell phone for emergencies/contact - even just a basic one.

Children do not need new computers or vacations. That is a want vs. need.

Yes, he should be paying child support or at least what he can but demanding extra's when he cannot afford basics right now is unreasonable.

If you put him in jail for not paying child support, he may lose his job or future jobs given his new criminal record which impacts his ability to pay support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:THIS: It's not fair for him to say he can't afford to pay so he's not paying. What if you can't afford to pay either?

As my lawyer said, he can afford to put gas in his car. He can afford to pay for his cell phone. He can afford the things that are a priority for him. You are not a priority for him. Unless you make yourself one.

Keep documenting how late he is with the payments. Once he gets to be say, three months behind, file with the courts. They don't want to hear about two week delays.

If your ex gets put in jail for failure to pay support, he won't be able to run that business of his. Watch how fast this threat changes his priorities.

This logic is not logical except to an attorney milking you for everything you have. He needs to put gas in his car to get to/from work. He needs a cell phone for emergencies/contact - even just a basic one.

Children do not need new computers or vacations. That is a want vs. need.

Yes, he should be paying child support or at least what he can but demanding extra's when he cannot afford basics right now is unreasonable.

If you put him in jail for not paying child support, he may lose his job or future jobs given his new criminal record which impacts his ability to pay support.

Actually my attorney is a friend who only charged me $300 for my entire divorce.
The point is that child support is an obligation and a responsibility. You don't get to decide not to pay it - unless you are prepared to accept the consequences.
CS is intended to defray the mother's (in this case) costs for NEEDS - she has been feeding, housing, and providing health care for this child. He needs to cough up his portion.
If he can't make ends meet at his day job he needs to get a night job. And a weekend job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]If he is not paying for food and medication that is one thing, but if he is not paying for a vacation and a new computer that is another thing.[/b]

Sometime money is tight and you can't afford the extras, you son needs to learn that.

I don't think he should be late or not pay, but if you are complaining that he does not pay for 1/2 of a computer or a vacation I think you are being insensitive.

If he is having his 11 yo son front him $20 for food you are clearly not seeing the whole picture.

It doesn't work that way. Child support from one parent goes into the household budget of the other parent. Vacation, computers, all of it comes out of one budget. If he is not paying his child support, everything gets shorted. He has to pay his child support so that OP doesn't have to draw money out of other parts of her budget to pay for what the child support is covering.

+1

What's up with all the haters that don't think that single moms should get to go on vacation?

1. I said that he needs to pay for child support.
2. I said he does not have to pay for an extra computer in the house if he does not have the money.
3. If the mom decided to pay for a computer instead of her vacation that was her decision, he bounced checks, she knows he is having problems paying, stop asking him for extras until he can get things going with his company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ex-DH and I had a pretty civil divorce, in my opinion. We communicate regularly, he has full access to our DS. However, for almost a year now his child support checks have been late by either a week or two and lately they started bouncing altogether. We talked, he keeps saying that his company is going through a rough patch, several clients have been late with their payments. I get it, he has a business. But I am not a wealthy person, so I've been pretty much shouldering all of our costs by myself. The mortgage, the association fees, medical insurance, clothes, camps, extracurricular activities. When DS computer died, I bought him a new one, even though ex-DH said "I'll pay half." Never happened. He promised to take DS on vacation to FL. Never happened either. I can't afford a real vacation this summer. Last night I suggested to go back to our lawyers and financial manager so that we can figure out a payment plan. Now I am getting bitchy phone calls from him and his family, calling me petty and cheap. WWYD?

If the checks are bouncing, he needs to pay you with cash or a cashier's check or a direct deposit. I wouldn't deal with bouncing checks.

On the other hand, I would be willing to split child support payments into weekly or twice monthly payments, if that was easier for ex-DH to pay.

I would refuse to talk to the EX-ILs. They can STFU and MYOB.

I would also consider dumping the house and getting something cheaper, if it was just me and one kid. That would take some financial burden off you. A condo might be perfect.

OP here. We already live in a condo. It's a 2-bdr condo in a nice neighborhood with good schools. I would not be able to afford a house. I am lucky I don't have student loans and DS doesn't go to a private school.

Then you don't have much to cut, except extracurriculars. I wouldn't cut extracurriculars until I had shaken as much child support out my ex as I could. Time to make an appointment with your lawyer.

OP here. Precisely. I don't think I am being unreasonable. DS should do extracurricular activities, that is all part of him becoming a well-rounded human being. He is not doing anything fancy, soccer and extra STEM classes. He's in an immersion school so we are saving a ton of money teaching him a foreign language. I feel like I've cut a lot of corners and I am still coming out as a bad guy. DS is a great kid, very loving, caring. He should be able to go on vacation, I simply can't afford it w/o dipping into savings. That's just not right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:THIS: It's not fair for him to say he can't afford to pay so he's not paying. What if you can't afford to pay either?

As my lawyer said, he can afford to put gas in his car. He can afford to pay for his cell phone. He can afford the things that are a priority for him. You are not a priority for him. Unless you make yourself one.

Keep documenting how late he is with the payments. Once he gets to be say, three months behind, file with the courts. They don't want to hear about two week delays.

If your ex gets put in jail for failure to pay support, he won't be able to run that business of his. Watch how fast this threat changes his priorities.

This logic is not logical except to an attorney milking you for everything you have. He needs to put gas in his car to get to/from work. He needs a cell phone for emergencies/contact - even just a basic one.

Children do not need new computers or vacations. That is a want vs. need.

Yes, he should be paying child support or at least what he can but demanding extra's when he cannot afford basics right now is unreasonable.

If you put him in jail for not paying child support, he may lose his job or future jobs given his new criminal record which impacts his ability to pay support.

Are you serious? Have you seen the school requirements of "submit a typed report." ? What is he supposed to do if he doesn't have a computer, go to Kinkos?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]If he is not paying for food and medication that is one thing, but if he is not paying for a vacation and a new computer that is another thing.[/b]

Sometime money is tight and you can't afford the extras, you son needs to learn that.

I don't think he should be late or not pay, but if you are complaining that he does not pay for 1/2 of a computer or a vacation I think you are being insensitive.

If he is having his 11 yo son front him $20 for food you are clearly not seeing the whole picture.

It doesn't work that way. Child support from one parent goes into the household budget of the other parent. Vacation, computers, all of it comes out of one budget. If he is not paying his child support, everything gets shorted. He has to pay his child support so that OP doesn't have to draw money out of other parts of her budget to pay for what the child support is covering.

+1

What's up with all the haters that don't think that single moms should get to go on vacation?

1. I said that he needs to pay for child support.
2. I said he does not have to pay for an extra computer in the house if he does not have the money.
3. If the mom decided to pay for a computer instead of her vacation that was her decision, he bounced checks, she knows he is having problems paying, stop asking him for extras until he can get things going with his company.

Clearly you know nothing about child support, the way it is disbursed, nor what it is intended to cover. You never said he needs to pay for child support - you seem to think that he should only pay for medication and food. Heads up - kids of divorce deserve more than food and medicine too! Child support is designed to provide them with the same standard of living as they would receive if their parents were still together.

Child support isn't an itemized budget where a paying parent can opt to pay for some expenses but not others - like a computer or a vacation. It's a lump sum each month that the payer is under court order to pay. This is a legal obligation, not something someone does to be nice.

Should the OP receive the child support she's entitled to, she would be able to take a vacation and buy a much needed computer. She's not asking him to pay for extras - she's asking him to pay the legally ordered amount to maintain her child.