Late or bounced child support checks

[Anonymous]

Ex-DH and I had a pretty civil divorce, in my opinion. We communicate regularly, he has full access to our DS. However, for almost a year now his child support checks have been late by either a week or two and lately they started bouncing altogether. We talked, he keeps saying that his company is going through a rough patch, several clients have been late with their payments. I get it, he has a business. But I am not a wealthy person, so I've been pretty much shouldering all of our costs by myself. The mortgage, the association fees, medical insurance, clothes, camps, extracurricular activities. When DS computer died, I bought him a new one, even though ex-DH said "I'll pay half." Never happened. He promised to take DS on vacation to FL. Never happened either. I can't afford a real vacation this summer. Last night I suggested to go back to our lawyers and financial manager so that we can figure out a payment plan. Now I am getting bitchy phone calls from him and his family, calling me petty and cheap. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Go back to your lawyers. It's not fair for him to say he can't afford to pay so he's not paying. What if you can't afford to pay either?

This really should be set up through the state. Otherwise, the minute DS turns 18 (or maybe even earlier), he stops paying and says it's because of xyz. Some states have pretty specific guidelines for child support, including the requirement that it continue until the student is done with high school - and for some, that's at age 19.

Remember, the child support is for the child, not for you. So you're simply looking out for DS's best interests by ensuring the plan is on file with the state.

[Anonymous]

Ask for an income deduction order from the state. It totally takes you out of the equation. It's not the same as a garnishment, but it has the same effect. The state takes the money directly from his paycheck before he ever sees it

We insisted on doing it that way when we were paying child support simply to avoid dealing with my DHs ex (She was lying and claiming we weren't paying on time). When we got custody of the kids, we demanded the same from her.

It totally removes the drama associated with late child support

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask for an income deduction order from the state. It totally takes you out of the equation. It's not the same as a garnishment, but it has the same effect. The state takes the money directly from his paycheck before he ever sees it

We insisted on doing it that way when we were paying child support simply to avoid dealing with my DHs ex (She was lying and claiming we weren't paying on time). When we got custody of the kids, we demanded the same from her.

It totally removes the drama associated with late child support

OP here. That's probably what I'll do, even though I know I'll get the blame. I am just tired of footing the bill for everything. Yes, I make a three-figure salary but kids are not cheap. For crying out loud, whenever DS is at his place, he doesn't even do his laundry, he sends it back with him.

[Anonymous]

If he owns the business, there is no check to garnish, so that will be a waste of time.

Child support is not to pay for your vacation.

[Anonymous]

You're doing GREAT on less than $999!

(kidding, I'm sure that was typo, just funny). I wouldn't worry about what anyone things - you are just doing your job as a your kid's parent and looking out for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he owns the business, there is no check to garnish, so that will be a waste of time.

Child support is not to pay for your vacation.

Money is fungible. If he's not helping to support his child and she is doing all of that, then she spent her vacation money and needs that back from her ex. C'mon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he owns the business, there is no check to garnish, so that will be a waste of time.

Child support is not to pay for your vacation.

Of course it's not to pay for my vacation. It is to pay for the child's needs like clothes, camps, his asthma meds. I am not supposed to pay for everything. I am supposed to use whatever money left to take him to a freakin' beach.

And his genius parents could've offered to help out their "poor, poor son." A 45-year old man who can't even pay for the kid's pizza. Disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he owns the business, there is no check to garnish, so that will be a waste of time.

Child support is not to pay for your vacation.

Going through the state still ensures that there can be enforcement and consequences for not paying (including liens on property, losing his driver's license, etc.), so it won't be a waste of time.

What a petty remark re vacation. OP can use child support to pay for her child's expenses, which will free up some of her earnings for the vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he owns the business, there is no check to garnish, so that will be a waste of time.

Child support is not to pay for your vacation.

Going through the state still ensures that there can be enforcement and consequences for not paying (including liens on property, losing his driver's license, etc.), so it won't be a waste of time.

What a petty remark re vacation. OP can use child support to pay for her child's expenses, which will free up some of her earnings for the vacation.

OP here: thanks for understanding. If I am covering all of the financial costs, then I want the custody agreement's financials redone. In addition to fully covering all the expenses, I am also putting money away into his 529 plan. This is simply not fair.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am in the same boat as you except that DH does end up paying the support (albeit late). I have considered going to court, but am scared that if I push him into a corner, he will be more likely to try to screw me and hide income, etc. I am currently working on the theory that he likes to make me squirm and ask for the support payments each month. It's sad.

You should definitely not be afraid to seek out what you are owed, though.

[Anonymous]

If an income deduction order doesn't work because he owns a business, at least have the state collect CS on your behalf. He pays the state, they direct deposit to you. If he is late, they are already on the case. That way he is dealing with the gov't when he is late - and not you. The gov't won't be as understanding.

I made this (plus and income deduction order) part of our divorce decree. I didn't want to hear about why he was late or how CS was too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ex-DH and I had a pretty civil divorce, in my opinion. We communicate regularly, he has full access to our DS. However, for almost a year now his child support checks have been late by either a week or two and lately they started bouncing altogether. We talked, he keeps saying that his company is going through a rough patch, several clients have been late with their payments. I get it, he has a business. But I am not a wealthy person, so I've been pretty much shouldering all of our costs by myself. The mortgage, the association fees, medical insurance, clothes, camps, extracurricular activities. When DS computer died, I bought him a new one, even though ex-DH said "I'll pay half." Never happened. He promised to take DS on vacation to FL. Never happened either. I can't afford a real vacation this summer. Last night I suggested to go back to our lawyers and financial manager so that we can figure out a payment plan. Now I am getting bitchy phone calls from him and his family, calling me petty and cheap. WWYD?

If the checks are bouncing, he needs to pay you with cash or a cashier's check or a direct deposit. I wouldn't deal with bouncing checks.

On the other hand, I would be willing to split child support payments into weekly or twice monthly payments, if that was easier for ex-DH to pay.

I would refuse to talk to the EX-ILs. They can STFU and MYOB.

I would also consider dumping the house and getting something cheaper, if it was just me and one kid. That would take some financial burden off you. A condo might be perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ex-DH and I had a pretty civil divorce, in my opinion. We communicate regularly, he has full access to our DS. However, for almost a year now his child support checks have been late by either a week or two and lately they started bouncing altogether. We talked, he keeps saying that his company is going through a rough patch, several clients have been late with their payments. I get it, he has a business. But I am not a wealthy person, so I've been pretty much shouldering all of our costs by myself. The mortgage, the association fees, medical insurance, clothes, camps, extracurricular activities. When DS computer died, I bought him a new one, even though ex-DH said "I'll pay half." Never happened. He promised to take DS on vacation to FL. Never happened either. I can't afford a real vacation this summer. Last night I suggested to go back to our lawyers and financial manager so that we can figure out a payment plan. Now I am getting bitchy phone calls from him and his family, calling me petty and cheap. WWYD?

If the checks are bouncing, he needs to pay you with cash or a cashier's check or a direct deposit. I wouldn't deal with bouncing checks.

On the other hand, I would be willing to split child support payments into weekly or twice monthly payments, if that was easier for ex-DH to pay.

I would refuse to talk to the EX-ILs. They can STFU and MYOB.

I would also consider dumping the house and getting something cheaper, if it was just me and one kid. That would take some financial burden off you. A condo might be perfect.

OP here. We already live in a condo. It's a 2-bdr condo in a nice neighborhood with good schools. I would not be able to afford a house. I am lucky I don't have student loans and DS doesn't go to a private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he owns the business, there is no check to garnish, so that will be a waste of time.

Child support is not to pay for your vacation.

YOu are wrong troll. Be gone.