Why is it not OK to feel hunger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have heard from everyone that I am being a bad mother by letting my kids go "hungry".
It is really just one child who always complains about being hungry. I told him that there is a difference between being hungry and "I could eat some more". We go out and he wants me to order two meals for him. He is always interested in events that have a lot of food. I give him fair portions at dinner, then cut him off. I don't even offer a "healthy snack" I just want him to be able to function without being stuffed.
He is in the 95th%ile for height and the 70th%ile for weight. His pediatrician is happy and says that it is not unreasonable for them to be lanky in the tween years.
I grew up in another country and no one ate the way my kids do. I remember real hunger, not because of poverty, but because of logistics. Food was not everywhere, so if we were at a place with no food, you went hungry until we got home. I remember gnawing hunger at times, where we eat anything. That was just the way it was.
My kids have never skipped a meal. At times when they say they are hungry, they get picky! No, they don't want cookies with chocolate chips, or a peach, or chicken. That is a funny kind of hungry.
Maybe we define that term differently, but for now, I am pleased that they are a little thin.

Boy, you are clueless. He's a teen BOY!

Get that, BOY, BOY, BOY, BOY, BOY!

Feed him.

[Anonymous]

OP, the reason he is interested in events with lots of food is because you are denying him food all of the time.

Do you realize that one way to cause a food obsession (and then eventually a weight issue) is by too much denial?

You are making food the coveted apple he can't touch.

The people I know who have the healthiest relationships with food and maintain a consistent healthy weight are the ones who don't have rigid restrictions or warped ideas about food. They eat when they're hungry. They eat in moderation, but they eat what they want.

You are only going to make your kid overeat when you aren't around because he'll fear that's the only time he can really eat what he wants and feel satiated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This obsession of always having a snack ready, packing snacks wherever you go, or making a special stop for a snack, is way out of control.

+1. And meetings, practices or activities must have snacks. After 45 minutes everyone needs to eat??

I agree with all this, especially for little kids. But OP said her kid is a lanky tween boy. I think all bets are off. I haven't experienced a growing to teen boy in my house yet, but I remember my brothers eating. Maybe some moms who have been through teen boys can chime in. I think it's good for him to figure out when he is full, and not impose our "over 40 dieting mom appetites and portions" on a growing teen. Does everyone remember the thread about the mom of teens who never had leftovers?

OP here. I am not on a diet. I look closely at his growth and he is gaining weight. I hope to keep him at the 70th%ile for weight as long as his vertical growth continues. He does not know that I am watching him closely as I do my other kids. He eats a ton of protein since I do want him to max out on height. He says he wants to play basketball or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the reason he is interested in events with lots of food is because you are denying him food all of the time.

Do you realize that one way to cause a food obsession (and then eventually a weight issue) is by too much denial?

You are making food the coveted apple he can't touch.

The people I know who have the healthiest relationships with food and maintain a consistent healthy weight are the ones who don't have rigid restrictions or warped ideas about food. They eat when they're hungry. They eat in moderation, but they eat what they want.

You are only going to make your kid overeat when you aren't around because he'll fear that's the only time he can really eat what he wants and feel satiated.

then help me to understand why there are so many fat kids around? All of my friends who grew u overseas with big time restrictions, or went through a war or the great depression (older friends) are thin! They now have access to all the food they want, but they do not overeat.
I tell my son that he should never want to feel full. Just eat enough and don't commit one the sin of gluttony (we aren't religious, just conscientious).
On that note, I see why some religions insist on an occasional fast.

[Anonymous]

OP, whether your way provides the best nutrition or not is less relevant than the control issues you're demonstrating for your children.

There's a difference between "No, you can't have a snack because I'm making dinner" and "No, you can't have a snack ever because it's good for you to be hungry." Also it sounds like your son is old enough to participate in these conversations. Perhaps you could ask him what he feels is "enough" at meals.

I remember a thread on here by a woman with teenagers who was basically feeding them the dieting quasi starvation rations that women on here recommend (small piece of baked chicken, a salad with lots of veggies and a tiny bit of rice) and couldn't believe that her growing children were not satisfied by that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have heard from everyone that I am being a bad mother by letting my kids go "hungry".
It is really just one child who always complains about being hungry. I told him that there is a difference between being hungry and "I could eat some more". We go out and he wants me to order two meals for him. He is always interested in events that have a lot of food. I give him fair portions at dinner, then cut him off. I don't even offer a "healthy snack" I just want him to be able to function without being stuffed.
He is in the 95th%ile for height and the 70th%ile for weight. His pediatrician is happy and says that it is not unreasonable for them to be lanky in the tween years.
I grew up in another country and no one ate the way my kids do. I remember real hunger, not because of poverty, but because of logistics. Food was not everywhere, so if we were at a place with no food, you went hungry until we got home. I remember gnawing hunger at times, where we eat anything. That was just the way it was.
My kids have never skipped a meal. At times when they say they are hungry, they get picky! No, they don't want cookies with chocolate chips, or a peach, or chicken. That is a funny kind of hungry.
Maybe we define that term differently, but for now, I am pleased that they are a little thin.

Boy, you are clueless. He's a teen BOY!

Get that, BOY, BOY, BOY, BOY, BOY!

Feed him.

I am feeding him.

[Anonymous]

Childhood obesity has a lot of causes. The KINDS of food are as important than the portions. Foods loaded with sodium and sugar, corn syrup and saturated fats are terrible for you regardless of portion size.

I grew up vegetarian without a ton of money. The only snacks we got were healthy snacks that were also pretty cheap. Teach your kids what healthy snacks are and they'll be less enamored of Cheetos and Oreos.

[Anonymous]

Offer healthy snacks if they are really hungry. Even if it is a lot. But don't let them eat out of boredom either

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am feeding him.

But are you feeding him enough?

You said, above, that you want to control his weight percentile. I think that, at the very least, you should think about the level of control you want to have over your son's eating and body.

[Anonymous]

Control a weight percentile?

How weird and scary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Control a weight percentile?

How weird and scary.

Exactly what I thought! That sounds very abnormal. I hope this post is made up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have heard from everyone that I am being a bad mother by letting my kids go "hungry".
It is really just one child who always complains about being hungry. I told him that there is a difference between being hungry and "I could eat some more". We go out and he wants me to order two meals for him. He is always interested in events that have a lot of food. I give him fair portions at dinner, then cut him off. I don't even offer a "healthy snack" I just want him to be able to function without being stuffed.
He is in the 95th%ile for height and the 70th%ile for weight. His pediatrician is happy and says that it is not unreasonable for them to be lanky in the tween years.
I grew up in another country and no one ate the way my kids do. I remember real hunger, not because of poverty, but because of logistics. Food was not everywhere, so if we were at a place with no food, you went hungry until we got home. I remember gnawing hunger at times, where we eat anything. That was just the way it was.
My kids have never skipped a meal. At times when they say they are hungry, they get picky! No, they don't want cookies with chocolate chips, or a peach, or chicken. That is a funny kind of hungry.
Maybe we define that term differently, but for now, I am pleased that they are a little thin.

You have serious food issues, OP, and a possible eating disorder. Offer healthy foods as snacks and let it go. No child should ever go hungry - they are too young and go through very different growth cycles where their caloric needs are ever changing.

This.

Satiety is a human right, not a privilege.

Please note I'm saying it very kindly, but you, OP, need some therapy. You do have food issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Control a weight percentile?

How weird and scary.

Exactly what I thought! That sounds very abnormal. I hope this post is made up.

All I meant is that I listen in at the feds office, and I expect them to all stay above in height, with a lower number in weight. That is, thin, yes thin. I want my kids to be thin. It is not a crime. They do not need to snack all day. Even the healthy snacking is a dangerous habit. Allow the body to be little bit hungry every now and then. I am sure that my kids know nothing about real hunger. I bet most kids in the US know nothing about real hunger. Even the chubby kids in WV that we bring lunches to in the summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I am feeding him.

But are you feeding him enough?

You said, above, that you want to control his weight percentile. I think that, at the very least, you should think about the level of control you want to have over your son's eating and body.

x 1 bn

[Anonymous]

OP,

I completely agree with you. But then I'm not American. Americans have perfected the art of snacking and never letting themselves go hungry, which is why most of them are overweight.

However, at a certain age, teens need more food than adults. As long as you can assess that he is eating enough FOR HIS AGE (look up the calories - it will be much more than for your or your husband!), then you can feel good about your boundaries.