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What is the deal with wedding showers that I am supposed to pay to attend?!
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Anonymous
| Are these on Long Island by any chance? I have been invited to so many guests-pay showers on Long Island over the last 10 - 15 years that I wonder if it is just a cultural norm there. Depending on my relationship with the bride and/or how many showers for said bride I am likely to be invited to I either go or not go. |
Anonymous
| I'd ask what the $80 is for |
Anonymous
|
Well, I actually did something similar to this. A close friend didn't want to have a shower, which I offered to have at my home and take care of everything. She was opposed but then later changed her mind and wanted a small (10 people) gathering of friends but wanted to do high-tea at the Hay Adams. Well, unfortunately I couldn't afford $400 for her shower there (I wasn't a bridesmaid, she didn't have any), and she didn't want me to pay, and she suggested that we ask people to pay individually. Though I did pay for her and her mom, the invites asked for people to pay their own way. We actually asked a few people what they thought before we sent out the invites.
So, as much as you think it is wrong, sometimes the bride encourages it. |
Anonymous
Was this done in lieu of gifts? |
Anonymous
| If it is a few close friends for a spa day, I get it - they are paying for their treatments, but these seems more like a bachlorette party rather than a bridal shower. |
Anonymous
I had my bridal shower at a spa and I had nothing to do with the planning. However, all guests got free use of the gym/sauna/steamroom, but had to pay (with a discount) if they wanted any services, i.e. manicure, massage, facial. However, you could certainly come and pay nothing and we had some games and food and gift opening (which I absolutely HATE and think its the dumbest thing ever) in a separate room. Whoever wanted the services did them at the end so we didnt have to wait around for people. |
Anonymous
if that's your idea of a bachelorette, you must be one tame jane. i get the whole spa shower thing. i think it works OK, if the cost is not exorbitant, and if it is understood that the pitching in of money is in lieu of a gift. it would make more sense if it was very clear about what the money was for. for example, i would be less turned off if it was explained that we're splitting the cost of the bride's treatment at $30 each and you are welcome to have your own treatment done as well, ranging from the cheap manicure to the expensive massage, but you'd be covering your own costs. or something like that. |
Anonymous
| I think inviting people to a social function and expecting them to fork over cash for their own entertainment or refreshments is the HEIGHT of tackiness, and if the bride encourages it, she's tacky too. |
Anonymous
|
A shower is to shower the guest of honor with gifts and good wishes, period. It's not supposed to be a luxury "experience." Asking guests to pay for the privilege is greedy and tacky and outrageous. I'm sure the bride knows about it, too. I don't know any brides who didn't have at least some opinion or advance knowledge about their upcoming shower. If a bride doesn't want a shower, then don't give her one. It's not required.
People seem to be mixing up showers with bachelorette parties, where you can have an expensive "experience" activity (high tea, spa, male strippers, trip to Vegas) and everyone should be paying for themselves. OP, just say no to extortion! |
Anonymous
| PP who did the tea that people paid for. No, gifts were brought by everyone. We all viewed it as an indulgence/ladies outing we would have done anyway. Come to think of it, I might have paid to reserve a room there too. |
Anonymous
|
Oh, and this bride did not want a ladies night out, she doesn't drink. So this was the only time that some close friends would be together. Honestly, I think you are all a bit much going on about how tacky it is. It's not like it was a surprise to anyone. We actually talked it over with half the recipients, and in lieu of not doing anything they all agreed let's do something to celebrate.
It's friday, have a drink and relax, ok! |
Anonymous
| If you called it a shower, it's tacky. If you said it was a get-together for Jane, one last time before marriage, it's fine. |
Anonymous
If you told the people out right that it was an outing (versus a shower) then you are fine. I've been to things like this, I take no offense. I would be offended if I was invited to a shower - where I was expected to buy a gift - and then told right before it to fork over more money. |
Anonymous
| I'd like to share my experience with this sort of thing, just as food for thought. I was the sole bridesmaid for a dear friend who lives out of state. Both her family and the groom's family live 3-4 hours (in opposite directions) from the DC area. Suffice to say, I knew it would be challenging to host a shower for her given the varied locations of everyone. I paid to fly her to the DC area. For the shower itself, I tossed around a number of ideas with a (very sweet) member of the groom's family. One idea I suggested was going out to lunch at a nice place around here, and asking the guests to pay for their own lunch. (I would cover the bride's. I just couldn't afford to foot the bill for everyone.) Well, I think the sister-in-law was mortified by that idea but tried to be as polite as can be with her response that she just didn't think it was a good idea; that it is not typically protocol for guests to pay their way when invited somewhere for a shower. Ultimately, we decided on a lunch at my house and my family actually helped prepare the food. It was great fun and didn't break my bank. The bottom line is, I really didn't know any better at that time. And I really appreciate the bride's now sister-in-law exposing me to common wedding shower practice, and all very kindly. |
Anonymous
| I'm surprised that for the spa event, it wasn't made clear that the attendees would need to pay (and cover the bride)? That's pretty standard. |