Won't take no for an answer and going around to all my family asking them to intercede

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After dealing with a stalker, I decided trying to protect my information was stressful, time consuming and pointless. When I stopped giving a f*ck, it was no longer a challenge and he moved on.

If you're not in danger, stop trying to halt information. It's out of your control and not worth your time and energy.

This is terrible advice.

Just because your stalker magically gave up doesn't mean that this will apply to everyone. Stopping "giving a f*ck" may have worked for you, but it doesn't work for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After dealing with a stalker, I decided trying to protect my information was stressful, time consuming and pointless. When I stopped giving a f*ck, it was no longer a challenge and he moved on.

If you're not in danger, stop trying to halt information. It's out of your control and not worth your time and energy.

This is terrible advice.

Just because your stalker magically gave up doesn't mean that this will apply to everyone. Stopping "giving a f*ck" may have worked for you, but it doesn't work for everyone.

What is accomplished by worrying about it? The expert advice is to ignore and try to avoid escalation or giving any attention.

[Anonymous]

I have a relative like this. I'm pretty sure she has NPD.

I think the best thing is to simple limit discussion of her with others. Don't engage with her beyond pleasantries and make sure you don't engage with others on the topic of her.

[Anonymous]

Um, just ignore your stalker and they'll go away is expert advice and the near consensus of DCUM? Okay . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, just ignore your stalker and they'll go away is expert advice and the near consensus of DCUM? Okay . . .

Never heard of Gavin de Becker?

[Anonymous]

Just don't answer calls from her. Don't answer emails from her. Tell your immediate family not to give your information.

I'm guessing that she tricked your mom into telling her that you were pregnant.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the poster above who suggested an email saying "A woman named Mary Blah..." to your family members and mutual friends.

This person sounds crazy. Who suggests going to mediation with a friend? That is too much for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the poster above who suggested an email saying "A woman named Mary Blah..." to your family members and mutual friends.

This person sounds crazy. Who suggests going to mediation with a friend? That is too much for me.

If I received an email like that, I would think the sender was petty and controlling.

[Anonymous]

Her behavior sounds like she is bipolar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the poster above who suggested an email saying "A woman named Mary Blah..." to your family members and mutual friends.

This person sounds crazy. Who suggests going to mediation with a friend? That is too much for me.

If I received an email like that, I would think the sender was petty and controlling.

"A woman named Mary Blah is contacting my friends and family trying to get them to intercede on her behalf in a disagreement she and I had two years ago. She has contacted my husband, my sister and my mother and lied to them to get information about me. Two years ago, I told Mary that I could not continue our friendship unless she X, Y and Z. She responded a year later, and is now trying to convince mutual friends and family members that it is a misunderstanding. I believe that she has a psychological disorder, and I do not wish to have a relationship of any kind with her. I apologize for any harassment you may experience as a result of this, but I wanted you to be aware of the situation so that you can take whatever steps you feel are necessary to insulate yourselves and your family from her harassment."

If I received that email, I would think that the sender has been experiencing harassment and stalking at the expense of someone who is unbalanced, and I would be concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the poster above who suggested an email saying "A woman named Mary Blah..." to your family members and mutual friends.

This person sounds crazy. Who suggests going to mediation with a friend? That is too much for me.

If I received an email like that, I would think the sender was petty and controlling.

"A woman named Mary Blah is contacting my friends and family trying to get them to intercede on her behalf in a disagreement she and I had two years ago. She has contacted my husband, my sister and my mother and lied to them to get information about me. Two years ago, I told Mary that I could not continue our friendship unless she X, Y and Z. She responded a year later, and is now trying to convince mutual friends and family members that it is a misunderstanding. I believe that she has a psychological disorder, and I do not wish to have a relationship of any kind with her. I apologize for any harassment you may experience as a result of this, but I wanted you to be aware of the situation so that you can take whatever steps you feel are necessary to insulate yourselves and your family from her harassment."

If I received that email, I would think that the sender has been experiencing harassment and stalking at the expense of someone who is unbalanced, and I would be concerned.

You are assuming the recipients of the email are perceiving the actions to be harassment.

Look, my point is that unless something egregious happens (like theft or worse) then I don't really care about to hear about squabbles between two people. Most of the time, people argue over stupid or petty things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the poster above who suggested an email saying "A woman named Mary Blah..." to your family members and mutual friends.

This person sounds crazy. Who suggests going to mediation with a friend? That is too much for me.

If I received an email like that, I would think the sender was petty and controlling.

"A woman named Mary Blah is contacting my friends and family trying to get them to intercede on her behalf in a disagreement she and I had two years ago. She has contacted my husband, my sister and my mother and lied to them to get information about me. Two years ago, I told Mary that I could not continue our friendship unless she X, Y and Z. She responded a year later, and is now trying to convince mutual friends and family members that it is a misunderstanding. I believe that she has a psychological disorder, and I do not wish to have a relationship of any kind with her. I apologize for any harassment you may experience as a result of this, but I wanted you to be aware of the situation so that you can take whatever steps you feel are necessary to insulate yourselves and your family from her harassment."

If I received that email, I would think that the sender has been experiencing harassment and stalking at the expense of someone who is unbalanced, and I would be concerned.

You are assuming the recipients of the email are perceiving the actions to be harassment.

Look, my point is that unless something egregious happens (like theft or worse) then I don't really care about to hear about squabbles between two people. Most of the time, people argue over stupid or petty things.

I don't think that the OP should send that email to EVERYONE she's friends with or related to. I do think that if there are people who the OP knows that Mary Blah knows (like her husband and sister and mom), it would be worth letting them know that Mary is distorting the situation. If those people do not feel that they're being harassed, that's great for them. It definitely sounds like the OP is feeling harassed by Mary's behavior (contacting her family members, lying about the situation, etc.).

[Anonymous]

You probably don't have a rational reason for dumping your friend and so naturally, she is very confused. I am guessing that your ego is a big reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the poster above who suggested an email saying "A woman named Mary Blah..." to your family members and mutual friends.

This person sounds crazy. Who suggests going to mediation with a friend? That is too much for me.

If I received an email like that, I would think the sender was petty and controlling.

"A woman named Mary Blah is contacting my friends and family trying to get them to intercede on her behalf in a disagreement she and I had two years ago. She has contacted my husband, my sister and my mother and lied to them to get information about me. Two years ago, I told Mary that I could not continue our friendship unless she X, Y and Z. She responded a year later, and is now trying to convince mutual friends and family members that it is a misunderstanding. I believe that she has a psychological disorder, and I do not wish to have a relationship of any kind with her. I apologize for any harassment you may experience as a result of this, but I wanted you to be aware of the situation so that you can take whatever steps you feel are necessary to insulate yourselves and your family from her harassment."

If I received that email, I would think that the sender has been experiencing harassment and stalking at the expense of someone who is unbalanced, and I would be concerned.

You are assuming the recipients of the email are perceiving the actions to be harassment.

Look, my point is that unless something egregious happens (like theft or worse) then I don't really care about to hear about squabbles between two people. Most of the time, people argue over stupid or petty things.

Right, and so if Mary Blah in this situation reached out to you, telling you that she and your mutual friend had some falling out, that she'd really appreciate it if you could pass along a message and ask your mutual friend to give a call, and that it would be a big help if you could just confirm the mutual friend's address so Mary could send a reconciliation card - how would you respond? Would you have appreciated a heads up from your mutual friend? Would you ignore the message? If you otherwise didn't have reason to think that Mary was off her rocker, would you give her the mutual friend's address? Would you express your condolences but say you think it's best if they communicate directly and then not give any info away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You probably don't have a rational reason for dumping your friend and so naturally, she is very confused. I am guessing that your ego is a big reason.

Perhaps OP didn't have good reason. Perhaps she's a lame friend. Does that make the friend's behavior less problematic?

My approach is that friendship is mutually maintained so long as both mutually decide to do so. OP is free to leave and should be free to do so without harassment or her family members being harassed. Offering up an explanation is nice, and it sounds like OP spent a year trying to do just that, but it's not an entitlement and you don't get to harass your friends & family just because you wish the explanation were something other than what it is.