Overreaching grandma?
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Anonymous
| Wow. Can I get a mom like this? |
Anonymous
| I like when my mom does this kind of things. I don't like it when MIL does it though! |
Anonymous
Sounds like you need to grow up. |
Anonymous
This. Your mom is trying to help you and bond with yourDD. Be grateful. |
Anonymous
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This is, in fact, exactly what most parents have in mind when they ask grandparents to come over and help after the birth of baby #2, #3, #4, etc - play with and tend to the older kids so the newest baby can get at least a few days of undivided attention from mom and dad.
You can say no to your daughter co-sleeping with grandma, but the rest sounds like legitimate help. Try to enjoy it. |
Anonymous
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Let her co-sleep!
When your daughter is grown up will she have special memories of going to bed right-on-time? No. But she will have special memories of snuggling with grandma if you lighten up about this. |
Anonymous
One of my husband and his brothers' favorite memories is snuggling with Nana in her bed. If it's only twice a year, let them have this--it's not going to upset your overall routine all that much. And be happy that your mom loves your daughter and wants to spend time with her and love her at a time that can be pretty tough for kids. |
Anonymous
See your own statement in bold, OP. That's the right track so focus on that -- your mom is making up for lost time with her granddaughter and it's fine. You need some perspective here. She sees her grandkids seldom, and probably feels she's helping you and allowing you time to bond with the baby. Yet your post indicates what is clearly jealousy that mom is "taking over" your toddler. Let her. She's not stuffing her with jellybeans or telling her that "I love you more than mommy does," right? I would nip the "mommy is mean if you can't come in my bed" thing, but gently. Otherwise, cut your mom some slack. She probably really does think she's helping because you have two kids and she's right there, able to entertain one for you. Read the many posts on DCUM about how grandparents who live nearby invade families' lives and influence kids in ways the parents don't want, but they can't get rid of grandma and grandpa. Conversely, read about the grandparents who totally ignore the grandkids and the parents who post are angry and heartbroken. These posts are all over this forum. That's perspective for your, OP--your mom is being very attentive, but it's not like she's living in the same town and turns up on the doorstep five times a week to take "her" girl over. She's making up for lost time and a lot of distance. I'd tell her, "Mom, I see you're really being so attentive to Sally. It lets me feed the baby and focus on him a little. Thanks for that." She may think she doesn't need to ask because she sees a need and is filling it immediately. I can see how you'd feel a bit put out by that and want to be asked, but she may simply think that if she asks and asks she'll be annoying you. Are you on some level afraid she'll favor your daughter over the younger child eventually? Way too soon to worry about that. Take advantage of her help while you're there. And as for the baby crying whenever she picks him up? Normal, many infants go through long phases of not wanting to be picked up by people who are, relatively speaking, strangers to them (and she is, if she sees them only twice a year, plus baby is in a different place from what he's used to so that can make him touchier and wanting mom more). |
Anonymous
If OP and DD and grandma are OK with it, then sure. Otherwise I'd skip it. My MIL wants to co-sleep with our kids this summer during a visit. DC don't like sharing beds. It's more about MIL's idea of a sweet event than anyone else's. |
Anonymous
| I can't thank you enough for the beautiful and impactful comments. That has helped a lot. I'm going to treat this vacation as a mini-non-creepy-honeymoon with my baby and take a vacation from my headstrong daughter while she's busy being worshipped by the gramps. Thanks for the perspective. Now, I just wish I could get over the feelings of hurt I get when she (DD) suddently treats me like hired help and wants nothing to do with me! I guess that's one of the zillion reasons why they say parenthood isn't easy. |
Anonymous
Ok, so you have relinquished control. Sorry. You could have stayed in a hotel but you are Mommy's girl now staying in her house. She will do what she wants. She's in charge. She's not treating you with the respect of an equal. But that is how she sees you. I would suggest some vacation where you are on equal turf. Maybe rent a vacation house - you have to pay your own way (son't let Mommy pay for you) On equal turf you can insist on being the Mother to your child. She can take if or leave it. Otherwise with the visiting arrangement you have mentioned, you have to just hope she changes her style/approach. But do voice your unhappiness to her in case it makes a little of a difference. Tell her, " Mom you had your chance to raise your children. Now it's my chance". But again, good luck ~ her house, beggars can't be choosers. |
Anonymous
| In my country of origin, it is unheard of for visiting family to stay in a hotel. Not even a concept. |
Anonymous
| Be grateful, let her take on DD since you have an infant. |
Anonymous
| This isn't a competition. Say thank you (and mean it). |
Anonymous
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I'm with the others who say let grandma reign! Unless you have concerns about your DD's safety with your mom, I see no reason not to allow her to take the lead when you visit. You can sit back and enjoy your infant and let your DD bask in all grandma's undivided attention.
Now, if the favoritism doesn't stop once you youngest is a little older, I'd nip that shit in the bud QUICK. |