Overreaching grandma?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| Please help me gain some perspective here as I'm a bit upset right now at how my mother is behaving when it comes to one of my kids. We're visiting and staying with my parents and she's completely taking over the care of my 3 year old (minus the dirty stuff like baths and potty business) while mostly ignoring my infant (who cries whenever she picks him up so there's that). She insists my daughter sits near her at the table and completely took over meal supervision (granted, I'm still super busy feeding my infant), when she falls down she tries to take over as chief dispenser of boo boo kisses (I swoop in faster than she does though, yay for youth!) and she entices her to sleep in her room/bed instead of mine and I'd be the mean mom if I said no. I feel like I shouldn't mind this because we only visit them twice a year for a couple weeks each time but it really bugs me a lot. Please slap some sense into me. I guess I wouldn't feel so annoyed if she asked me first but she just does as she pleases. I don't want to be a rude guest either. |
Anonymous
|
Maybe she's worried that DD is feeling left out because of the baby and she's overcompensating.
Make sure you have time with DD and plan some things for everyone to do together. Otherwise, let grandma dote on DD. I don't see the harm. |
Anonymous
| Grow up. |
Anonymous
| I think you can draw the line at where DD sleeps. But otherwise, she probably thinks she's lightening your load. You may feel guilty at being divided between DD and infant, and feel bad that you can't give DD the same kind of attention you used to. So to you your mother's behavior underscores that, like she's trying to fill in a perceived gap (not saying she perceives a gap, but rather that YOU fear there may be one). Your mom can NEVER, EVER replace you. And it may be a bonus flow of focused attention for your DD, who now has to share the spotlight. View it as a gift you're giving your DD: special time as Grandma's #1. |
Anonymous
| I could have written the same post about how my mom behaves but it would have had a totally positive spin; like omg can you believe how lucky my kid and I are to have a grandma like this. Not sure why it's bothering you or why you feel in competition with her. As your baby gets older the care will likely be distributed more evenly. Sounds to me like you have a loving, attentive mom. |
Anonymous
|
You guys battle about who gives boo boo kisses?
This is 100% you being cuckoo. Be grateful your mom is crazy about your 3 year old, and enjoy the break. |
Anonymous
| Thanks. That was helpful, especially 19:17. I guess I'll use the energy I spend worrying about this to love on my infant more while his sister is being worshipped by the gramps. But yeah, I'll probably set some natural bedtime boundaries. We're still jet lagged so it was kinda natural for my kid to go to bed at 1 am with grandma but I doubt grandma will enjoy sharing a room with her when she eventually goes to be at 9 and she can't have lights or precious TV on. |
Anonymous
| If there were a like button, I'd like all the comments in this thread. Thanks for the reality check. (OP again) |
Anonymous
| I'm jealous that your mom does all! I wish my MIL did that |
Anonymous
| I'm not trying to be snarky but why visit if you don't want her to get in tons of kisses and quality time with the 3 yr old ? She loves her granddaughter and is probably trying to do you a favor with taking over while you guys are there. When it comes to the baby you mentioned the baby cries when she picks her up. If a baby cried when I did that I would leave it alone. Why upset a baby ? You also mentioned you only visit twice a year. Enjoy the help and let them make memories. You never know what tomorrow will bring what if this is the last time she gets to see your dd. |
Anonymous
Haha, I would just turn her over and enjoy the help. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
Seriously, enjoy it! There are other grandparents who don't want to be bothered. My mom totally takes over when DD is around and its great for bonding. I was the same with my auntie. |
Anonymous
| Be grateful you have a mom who cares so much and is around to "help". I wish my mom could (late stages of Alzheimer's). |