My SIL wants my MIL to move in with us for half the year
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| Just say no. Be very firm. When SIL asks why not, just say it wouldn't work for you. |
Anonymous
Yes. Don't give exact reasons why it won't work because that opens the door to her arguing about it. Just keep saying "that won't work for our family". Offer to help with other research or finding a place for her or anything else. But do not agree to this. It's a marriage killer. |
Anonymous
| Hell no. She can live with SIL full time or go back to Hungary. |
Anonymous
| Can she even live in this country legally? |
Anonymous
OP mentioned that her in laws were immigrants to the US, so MIL is probably a US citizen who went back to Hungary. |
Anonymous
But his anger over her declining to visit is now in the past -- or is he still stewing over what he assumed was going on with her? It's too late to ask now anyway, but your husband is not an ideal candidate for having his mother under his roof, especially if he is possibly holding a grudge based on an assumption. And older people sometimes just do not like to travel, or are afraid it will overwhelm them. For some older people having visitors is a huge strain and something they want to avoid, even if they love the visitors. It's not necessarily personal. The post doesn't really say what MIL thinks of SIL's plan. That's your red flag that SIL is doing this without consulting MIL, or she's gotten a "yes" from MIL that is the result of bulldozing her on it. You are right, OP, that introducing a live-in relative when you will have three young kids including a baby, is a very bad idea. And I'd bet MIL is going to pine for her home anyway. Your husband needs to work with SIL on finding some help and options back in Hungary. I am a big believer in the younger generations helping the older ones, but this is a recipe for disaster as you describe it. A ton of resentment on your part (and understandably so, OP) if she moves in, and your husband feeling guilty if he says no, and SIL -- is she going to pressure your husband into a yes, when you get as much of a vote here as he does? Taking in a relative to live with you full-time (even for half the year) is a huge life-changer, believe me. And how long would it really be only six months at a time? What if SIL decides "I can only do four months of mom this year..."? And so on. (My grandmother lived in my family's household for nearly 40 years and it was the right arrangement for all of us, but I can see so many red flags on your situation, and can only repeat that having another adult in the home really does affect the family dynamic profoundly, so if it's not a positive effect, you want to avoid doing it.) If you bring her over here, some form of independent living facility is the answer, but your family and SIL must commit to pay for it. That may be doable, for sure. But you need to go into it with eyes wide open to the financial commitment. I would instead do some serious research and find out what help is available in Hungary. Unless MIL is visiting here now and just adores being in the U.S. to the point she's refusing to go home -- she is going to tire of it here and probably end up sad and resentful if she lets your SIL pressure her to stay. But it is your husband's job, not yours, to get assertive with his sister and get busy about finding help for MIL so she can stay in her own home. |
Anonymous
You have free will I didn't have to read your post |