Siblings and play dates?

[Anonymous]

This seems mostly about the other mom, who should have been the one to enforce sharing and proper behavior in her son. You shouldn't really have been stuck with the major responsibility if both parents were there, and if it was just you with all the kids, then you should have taken the responsibility as the adult to discipline the poor behavior in the other child.

I don't think kids need to "include" a younger sibling at this age much because they are just starting cooperative play anyway and don't totally "get it" yet (and neither does the 2 year old). But they do need to show basic courtesy and respect, which I don't think was happening here.

I enforce fair rules of sharing at all times. Sometimes my DS (age 3) has taken a toy from a baby who wasn't old enough to really care, and the caregiver has said something like, "Oh, he doesn't mind," but I still make my DS give it back, ask, and wait his turn.

[Anonymous]

This is one of those things that changes when you have more than one close in age. I can say that the only playdate my kids (5 and under) have ever had with an only child, he was in between the ages of my two oldest, so they all played together.

Every other playdate has been a family affair, and no one has ever asked us before bringing the siblings. Like someone said, you're not going to get a babysitter for a playdate. Not ever.

[Anonymous]

It depends. My son is friends with a boy and his younger brother (by 2 years) often comes over when they play. The problem is that two brothers fight like cats and dogs, which makes the play dates inherently unpleasant. If they could get along better, and cause less drama, I'd be fine with both of them being there, but given their interactions, it is quite annoying.

[Anonymous]

If we ever arrange for a playdate and we need to schlep the other kids along, we definitely try to arrange it in a public area such as a park or playground if it is nice out or if it is rainy or too cold for outdoor play somewhere indoors like some kind of indoor play area or museum or something. This, of course, doesn't really work if it is a 'drop off' playdate but if the plan was to stay at the other persons' house for the playdate, then it works. It keeps all kids occupied and somewhat separate if they want to be or they can play together if they are having a good day. Plus it is a fun outing for them and a treat to go somewhere fun with their friends... even if the day costs us like $15/$20.

[Anonymous]

Nanny for families with 4+ kids. This is why I host all playdates until the child is old enough to be dropped off. It's not fair to parents with singletons or only one sibling to have 1-3 extra kids show up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of those things that changes when you have more than one close in age. I can say that the only playdate my kids (5 and under) have ever had with an only child, he was in between the ages of my two oldest, so they all played together.

Every other playdate has been a family affair, and no one has ever asked us before bringing the siblings. Like someone said, you're not going to get a babysitter for a playdate. Not ever.

You should, though. Your family situation is not anyone else's to deal with, and if someone showed up to a playdate with another sibling who was not invited (without prior arrangement), I would say we should reschedule. Likewise, I would not show up to someone else's house with any person who was not invited, without prior arrangement/ approval. It's just rude. Hosts don't have to provide anything to people who are not invited.

[Anonymous]

Every play date we have gone on (and we have done a million) has included siblings. My friends with only children have never cared or asked otherwise. When the kids are old enough for drop-off playdates is when siblings are no longer included.

If the main play date kids are not including the little sibs, then the moms usually intervene to distract younger sibs. But being nice/respectful is always required.

You need new friends, op!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 4 and 6. If a child comes over who can't get along with both my kids they generally don't get invited back.

That's fine, because it's your house. But, if I invite your 6 year old and you continually drag your 4 year old along you won't get invited back either.

Well, if it's not a drop off playdates, what am I supposed to do with the other kid? (NP here.)

In my experience, when the kids were OP's age, play dates were group/communal. If it's a drop off I don't leave the sibling there too. But I agree, when I host, I tend to invite kids that are nice to both of my kids. I have two girls, and my older daughters friends are very nice to my younger daughter.

But I would not let any child be cruel to another child without me saying something to them.

[Anonymous]

If I was hosting, I wouldn't let that behavior fly. They don't need to play with the sibling (and I will try to engage sibling in something else if they don't seem to want him around) but they can't be mean. At someone else's house though, there's not much you can do other than to try to entertain the non-invited child. Generally though, I've found the kids all play together just fine, though occasional reminders not to shut people out of rooms are sometimes necessary.

As an aside, I invited a kindergarten friend of my son's over to play the other day (a kid I didn't know at all) and his mom dropped off both the kid and his 4 year old brother. It was so bizarre. The 4 year old didn't even engage with my kids - just spent the two hours staring at us and wandering the house. Probably won't be inviting them back over...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of those things that changes when you have more than one close in age. I can say that the only playdate my kids (5 and under) have ever had with an only child, he was in between the ages of my two oldest, so they all played together.

Every other playdate has been a family affair, and no one has ever asked us before bringing the siblings. Like someone said, you're not going to get a babysitter for a playdate. Not ever.

You should, though. Your family situation is not anyone else's to deal with, and if someone showed up to a playdate with another sibling who was not invited (without prior arrangement), I would say we should reschedule. Likewise, I would not show up to someone else's house with any person who was not invited, without prior arrangement/ approval. It's just rude. Hosts don't have to provide anything to people who are not invited.

Ha Ha- my laugh for the morning. Are you even a parent of a small child?

[Anonymous]

00.03 here. If I were still in the DC area, I would definitely offer to host playdates for everyone with 2+ kids. As long as the parent comes along, it works. And my current NF has 6 kids 9 and under, so no worries about not having ages for your to match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 4 and 6. If a child comes over who can't get along with both my kids they generally don't get invited back.

That's fine, because it's your house. But, if I invite your 6 year old and you continually drag your 4 year old along you won't get invited back either.

I agree - and I don't bring the 4yo unless she was specifically invited (we have lots of friends that also have 4 and 6 year olds.)

My 6 year old gets dropped off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I HAVE to bring the younger one to a playdate that's really for the older one, I bring a few of the younger one's toys, mix them with a few toys from the new house and set her up separately.

I do something like this too. Sometimes it isn't necessary, and all the kids play together fine. I keep an eye on the situation. It plays out differently each time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you feel about involving siblings in play dates? I have an older son (3) and a younger daughter (almost 2). My son was invited to a play date the other day and I let the mom know that I would have to bring my daughter because my husband had something planned. The entire time the other boy yelled at my daughter saying "No! You can't play with us!" and even sang at one point "ha ha, you're left out". I kept her busy and asked them at times to give her a toy (the boy hoarded them all) just so she wouldn't be totally bored. My son brought her a toy a few times but the other kid was really upset about it.

I get that this is a bit of an extreme example - that kid just sort of sucked -- but what level of inclusion should I enforce (is that even the right word?) when one sibling has a play date and the other doesn't? The answer probably changes depending on whether I'm hosting, I suppose. I would welcome any thoughts on how you all have handled this.

OP, how did this work? Did you respond to the invitation by saying, "Sorry, that day's no good for us because I'll have both kids; Chauncey's on call"? and the other parent said, "Oh, just bring her, it will be fine"?

Or did you decide unilaterally to bring both kids?

[Anonymous]

Please don't bring your other child to a playdate. I have an only and this is a pet peeve of mine. If I arrange a playdate, I want your kid to have one on one time with my child and not to have the tag along sibling interfering with that interaction or for the two siblings to start playing together and exclude my child. It's highly annoying. I don't understand why people can't see that.