WWYD, father's money being taken by new wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop barking up this tree, OP. Your father is mentally gone and your mother is on her own. You need to find a solution for helping your mother that doesn't depend on your father's money.

The mistake was made when your mother failed to get a formal divorce agreement that would almost certainly have entitled her to some portion of his pension.

Where was your concern then?

I told her to do that. I did not expect him to remarry, but I did tell her to get a formal agreement. He was close to demented when he married her (she was his doctor).
He was very controlling and abusive when younger and my mother was afraid of him.

Then your mother is certainly better off not being caught up in the drama. She needs to gond a way to stay afloat without his money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop barking up this tree, OP. Your father is mentally gone and your mother is on her own. You need to find a solution for helping your mother that doesn't depend on your father's money.

The mistake was made when your mother failed to get a formal divorce agreement that would almost certainly have entitled her to some portion of his pension.

Where was your concern then?

I told her to do that. I did not expect him to remarry, but I did tell her to get a formal agreement. He was close to demented when he married her (she was his doctor).
He was very controlling and abusive when younger and my mother was afraid of him.

Medical board? Ethics? Lawsuit from that angle?

I don't know but it's such a goddamned terrible situation, I really hope you find a way.

Other elder abuse cases among the wealthy seem to have some of the same features: dementia, hidden away from friends and family, appropriation of funds as gifts...

---not a lawyer, used to watch too much Law & Order. God, I hope you get help!

[Anonymous]

I'd seek out a lawyer. There's a lot that can be done including having your father declared incompetent and putting his money in a trust. Also you need to find out what wills are out there before things are changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd seek out a lawyer. There's a lot that can be done including having your father declared incompetent and putting his money in a trust. Also you need to find out what wills are out there before things are changed.

Good luck with that. His wife will likely become the trustee so that won't do anything.

[Anonymous]

OP this is a sad situation but you can't undo the settlement/non-settlement between your parents nor can you undo the fact that your father's estate legally belongs to his current wife to do with as she sees fit. There is no recourse here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop barking up this tree, OP. Your father is mentally gone and your mother is on her own. You need to find a solution for helping your mother that doesn't depend on your father's money.

The mistake was made when your mother failed to get a formal divorce agreement that would almost certainly have entitled her to some portion of his pension.

Where was your concern then?

I told her to do that. I did not expect him to remarry, but I did tell her to get a formal agreement. He was close to demented when he married her (she was his doctor).
He was very controlling and abusive when younger and my mother was afraid of him.

Then live with the decision. I get that it sucks, but your position is that you knew what should have been done, your mother elected not to do it, the predictable thing that you needed to guard against happened, you have regrets, and want a court to turn back the clock and act as if you DID have a support agreement. That is, frankly, ridiculous. Blame yourself, and help your mother.

[Anonymous]

OP you are probably getting this bad advice from a bunch of affair partners that hope to do the same.

1. Get a lawyer
2. If you can show you father paid a certain amount to your mom, you can probably sue for that amount.
3. Assets before the 4 yr marriage are not the new wife's, you can protect that money for your father.
4. Take you dad to a doctor and declare Him incompetent if he is incompetent, become his power of attorney.

[Anonymous]

That's why this stuff needs a legal document. Your Mom was so afraid of your Dad that she just TRUSTED that he'd fork over 3 G's every month?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are probably getting this bad advice from a bunch of affair partners that hope to do the same.

1. Get a lawyer
2. If you can show you father paid a certain amount to your mom, you can probably sue for that amount.
3. Assets before the 4 yr marriage are not the new wife's, you can protect that money for your father.
4. Take you dad to a doctor and declare Him incompetent if he is incompetent, become his power of attorney.

No many of us are married without ever being "affair partners". Without a legal support agreement, OP does not have much to stand on and should think long and hard about hiring a lawyer to get support for an ex-wife/mother. How long have the parents been divorced? Nowadays alimony is not forever so if they have been divorced for many years, trying to get support even with a lawyer will be a waste of money.

Also, you cannot just take dad to the doctor, declare him incompetent and get power of attorney. He is married so if he is incompetent, power of attorney goes to the wife unless you can show a very good reason why she should not get it and not liking her is not it.

[Anonymous]

See an elder lawyer. Many local Barr associations can refer you to lawyers who have a reasonable (maybe under $100) initial consultation fee so they can tell you if there is anything that can be done.

[Anonymous]

She could go to jail if she knew he was demented and concocted a scheme to steal his money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are probably getting this bad advice from a bunch of affair partners that hope to do the same.

1. Get a lawyer
2. If you can show you father paid a certain amount to your mom, you can probably sue for that amount.
3. Assets before the 4 yr marriage are not the new wife's, you can protect that money for your father.
4. Take you dad to a doctor and declare Him incompetent if he is incompetent, become his power of attorney.

No many of us are married without ever being "affair partners". Without a legal support agreement, OP does not have much to stand on and should think long and hard about hiring a lawyer to get support for an ex-wife/mother. How long have the parents been divorced? Nowadays alimony is not forever so if they have been divorced for many years, trying to get support even with a lawyer will be a waste of money.

Also, you cannot just take dad to the doctor, declare him incompetent and get power of attorney. He is married so if he is incompetent, power of attorney goes to the wife unless you can show a very good reason why she should not get it and not liking her is not it.

You obviously don't know what affir partner means. Yes, kids get power of attorney over new wives all the times. Ignorant.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Don't give up before you see an excellent lawyer specializing in elder care. it will set you back a couple of thousand for a few hours consult and research on your behalf, perhaps, but it will be worth it for YOU. If there is a case, you will have started it, and if there is none, you will have no regrets because you did everything possible to right this wrong.

If it doesn't work out, you will have to find other ways to help your mother.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop barking up this tree, OP. Your father is mentally gone and your mother is on her own. You need to find a solution for helping your mother that doesn't depend on your father's money.

The mistake was made when your mother failed to get a formal divorce agreement that would almost certainly have entitled her to some portion of his pension.

Where was your concern then?

I told her to do that. I did not expect him to remarry, but I did tell her to get a formal agreement. He was close to demented when he married her (she was his doctor).
He was very controlling and abusive when younger and my mother was afraid of him.

Medical board? Ethics? Lawsuit from that angle?

I don't know but it's such a goddamned terrible situation, I really hope you find a way.

Other elder abuse cases among the wealthy seem to have some of the same features: dementia, hidden away from friends and family, appropriation of funds as gifts...

---not a lawyer, used to watch too much Law & Order. God, I hope you get help!

I'm always excited to see another JD classmate from the University of Law & Order!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's why this stuff needs a legal document. Your Mom was so afraid of your Dad that she just TRUSTED that he'd fork over 3 G's every month?

For real. My wife's parents are living separate lives but are not divorced. Her father has been with another woman for over 20 years and would love to marry her. But he's too cheap. He wants my wife's mother to give up her rights to his pension and other benefits as part of the divorce. The woman raised his daughters and is entitled to it. He has usually been able to get his way by bullying her, but my wife and her sisters have made sure that mom stands her ground and signs nothing.