IL's are offended I don't call them Mom & Dad

[Anonymous]

I use names. They aren't my parents. I get some people are okay with calling them mom and dad, but it's not comfortable to me.

[Anonymous]

I call my in-laws by their first names. I have a Mom and a Dad. There's no insult to my in-laws intended, they just aren't my parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call my in-laws by their first names. I have a Mom and a Dad. There's no insult to my in-laws intended, they just aren't my parents.

I think this is fair, but it is certainly the case that some ILs take offense to it anyway, as mine did. I think the tricker question is what to do in that situation. My pointing out that I didn't consider it offensive or mean it as offensive certainly did not resolve the dilemma.

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty sure that my IL's wanted me to call them M&D too...but it just felt uncomfortable for me. They are not the type of people who would confront you about it (though they would talk about it when you weren't there). I call them by their first names and my DH calls my parents by their first names. Everyone seems fine about it.

Thinking about this kind of forced familial intimacy, I remember being newly married and visiting my IL's for the first time after the wedding. I had pretty much been in the presence of my MIL maybe 5-6 times total before this. When we ended the visit she grabbed me in a close hug and forcefully said "I love you!" and waited for me to say it back. I was thinking what the heck is this about? I didn't say it. I think I muttered something like thanks or me too, I dont' remember.

She still does this, but at least I'm expecting it now. It was/is SO strange to me. It's even strange to me now 7 years later since we don't really have a close relationship with them. (and she ALWAYS get in her passive aggresive dig before we leave about how little she sees us or how long it was since we saw them before)....

[Anonymous]

Gracious sakes, they need to get over themselves!

Have they said anything to you directly or just DH? If just DH, he needs to tell them, "Hey, she cares for you deeply, but she's only ever going to call her own mother and father Mom and Dad. The sooner you can get over this and see her many fine qualities in relation to you, the better."

[Anonymous]

They have never said anything to me directly, just DH. And even odder, we only see them 1-3 times a year. It's such an...intimate name to call someone that you don't know that well, I guess.

I'm glad to hear it's not just me though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I call my in-laws by their first names. I have a Mom and a Dad. There's no insult to my in-laws intended, they just aren't my parents.

I think this is fair, but it is certainly the case that some ILs take offense to it anyway, as mine did. I think the tricker question is what to do in that situation. My pointing out that I didn't consider it offensive or mean it as offensive certainly did not resolve the dilemma.

My ILs happen to have the same names as DH and me. LOL!

[Anonymous]

I asked my ILs what they wanted and they said their first names. Husband asked my parents what they wanted and they said Mom and dad. It was hard for him for the first 20 years but he's used to it now!

[Anonymous]

I use first names and it's fine to all. I think my SIL would be the one upset if I called her parents Mom and Dad. She would see that as intruding on her space.

[Anonymous]

I call them by their first names but funny enough there are other adults who call them Mom and Dad, who aren't DH or his brother. Weird.

[Anonymous]

they're offended by this, and have told DH they don't understand why I dislike them so much

It's not nice that you were told this. You say your DH told you this? What's wrong with him? That was cruel. He should have dealt with it immediately with his parents, when it was said - told them it was just your style to call them whatever it is you call them, and that he didn't want to hear their negativity. However if negativity is how you and your husband deal with people, well, you have other problems. All this negativity sounds familiar. Do you post often?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I use first names and it's fine to all. I think my SIL would be the one upset if I called her parents Mom and Dad. She would see that as intruding on her space.

Yeah, but going by DCUM, many, many people have nutty SILs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I call my in-laws by their first names. I have a Mom and a Dad. There's no insult to my in-laws intended, they just aren't my parents.

I think this is fair, but it is certainly the case that some ILs take offense to it anyway, as mine did. I think the tricker question is what to do in that situation. My pointing out that I didn't consider it offensive or mean it as offensive certainly did not resolve the dilemma.

Random people are offended by random crap. It's not your problem to soothe their irrational feelings. Agree with PPs that your DH should have dealt with this better by nipping it in the bud and keeping their words to himself. Keep calling them whatever makes you comfortable. (I also would never call my ILs mom and dad, for many of the above-stated reasons, but also because I don't like them.)

[Anonymous]

I call my ILs Mom Smith and Dad Smith. My SIL calls MIL Mrs Smith (which is odd to me because being married to their sons, that is our name).

[Anonymous]

I would never be able to and luckily they did not request it. I think my FIL would love for me to call him Dad and my MIL would probably be preferred to call Mrs. X.
My DH calls my parents Mom and Dad at my mothers insisting.