Playdate a must?

[Anonymous]

I have never set up a playdate. My kids play with neighborhood kids after homework. Outside, occasionally in our basement, in the cup-de-sac, backyard etc... My youngest is 6 and she is now old enough to play in the cul de sac with friends.

I guess we are just blessed to have a neighborhood full of kids that aren't in daycare until 6pm.

[Anonymous]

Please, oh smug one. The two families of stay at home moms in my cul-de-sac have their kids in activities morning noon and night, so my kids never see them (piano, swimming, gymnastics, soccer for a 3 year old, etc. etc.)

My "daycare til 6pm" kids get more time playing with their friends in the school's aftercare from 4-5:30 than they ever would with the 2-3 kids who happen to be around in the cul-de-sac.

[Anonymous]

I was the same but socializing is an essential life skill so you must at least try and it's easiest when the child is very young. Here's what I did: posted on the local listsev to find another introverted mom and similar-age child for a weekly playdate. I got one response and that was all we needed. The best part was we didn't need to talk on the phone and it was pre-arranged, cancellations excepted. My two year old first learned to hug a friend, share a toy, and say "thank you for coming over, see you next time!" to another kid without prompting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please, oh smug one. The two families of stay at home moms in my cul-de-sac have their kids in activities morning noon and night, so my kids never see them (piano, swimming, gymnastics, soccer for a 3 year old, etc. etc.)

My "daycare til 6pm" kids get more time playing with their friends in the school's aftercare from 4-5:30 than they ever would with the 2-3 kids who happen to be around in the cul-de-sac.

Good for you. You can't do play dates because you are never around. So why are you even in this conversation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I keep reading and hearing about playdates and I am sincerely curious: does everyone do playdates for their kids? I have a pretty bad social anxiety and am really introverted - unfortunately as a result, my kids have not had too many playdates (they are 8 and 6). I feel really guilty about it but it really is very hard for me to approach other moms and they usually don't approach me. My kids are also introverted and they rarely talk about wanting playdates. Other kids are not asking for playdates with my kids either. When I mention all this to friends, they almost always tell me that I have to set up playdates for my kids no matter how painful or dreadful. How do other introverted moms do it? Any advice would be appreciated.

No. We didn't. The kids are in upper elementary school and in middle school, and they're fine. You do not have to do play dates.

[Anonymous]

I tell my son to invite his friend at school and then he writes down my cell # and the kid or parent calls and we set up a time for the child to be dropped off and then the parent comes back and picks the child back up. I've also used email for this. And texting. I've done it this way since kindergarten and my son is in third grade now. I don't spend much time talking to the parents of my sons friends unless they seem to want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I keep reading and hearing about playdates and I am sincerely curious: does everyone do playdates for their kids? I have a pretty bad social anxiety and am really introverted - unfortunately as a result, my kids have not had too many playdates (they are 8 and 6). I feel really guilty about it but it really is very hard for me to approach other moms and they usually don't approach me. My kids are also introverted and they rarely talk about wanting playdates. Other kids are not asking for playdates with my kids either. When I mention all this to friends, they almost always tell me that I have to set up playdates for my kids no matter how painful or dreadful. How do other introverted moms do it? Any advice would be appreciated.

Hi OP- I suck it up because I have to. DD (now 8 y/o) is a complete extrovert (and only child). I, on the other hand, am a complete introvert. It's easier now than it used to be. When DD was very little the parents HAD to stay- it was excruciating (even though the parents were great). Now that drop-offs are my life, it's become much easier. I have to suffer through small talk at drop-off and pick-up but other than that communication usually happens via textl.

You may try to initiate one per month because play-dates are great to help children build relationships outside of school- but only if your child actually wants it. If he/she doesn't want a play-date then don't force it- they'll be just fine either way.
Tips:
1. Have a firm pick up time and be sure to start getting the guest ready in advance of pick-up. That way the mom doesn't have to hang around and make small talk when the kid takes forever getting on the shoes and jacket.
2. Have independent activities planned in case your kids have trouble engaging with their guest right away. Nothing that requires you to be too heavily involved (craft, Wii, snack, etc)
3. Be available but don't hover. If you have any helicoptering tendencies this is the time to squash them so the play-date doesn't drain you.
4. Carve out (if you can) some alone time- or at least some quiet time later in the day.
5. Ask questions via email or text prior to the play date (allergies/sensitivities, pet anxieties, does she like AG dolls and would she want to bring one to play with, etc). This will help you better prepare and (hopefully) reduce the surprises.

I just think it's important to set aside your feelings about play-dates and ask your kids what they'd like. Every time DD asks to play with someone new my stomach drops because the whole "getting to know you process" starts all over again. I have to keep her social calender pretty full because she's happiest when she's with friends. I feel your pain, OP. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't bother with them. Kids have enough socialization/play time at school.

We very, very rarely do them. Maybe a few times a year. But we do attend any and every bday party we're invited to (and throw one for each kid).

OP, they are completely not necessary. My kids are 6 and 8 and very well adjusted socially. You really don't need to do playdates.

[Anonymous]

I am only inspired to do them because his best friend's mom is a good friend of mine. So the kids hang out and we hang out. Plus, the kids play so well together that is it nice and relaxing.

I drag my feet scheduling other play dates because the kids get so worked up, someone ends up getting their feelings hurt, something in my house gets broken, and I sit and count the minutes till the kid is gone.