How to discipline 10 year old who always comes home late

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come up with a new strategy. The watch doesn't work for your son, so find something that does. I found devices with alarms work best for one of mine. Also, I've found that for one, it doesn't work to say "be home by ___". Rather, I need to say "leave your friend's house no later than ______". I'm now working with him to figure out when he needs to leave when I want him home by a certain time. Also, we're working on a new strategy for leaving the pool on time because I don't want him taking devices to the pool.

It doesn't seem fair to punish if you haven't taught him how to do it.

I normally wear an inexpensive waterproof sport watch to the pool because I don't like to bring my phone. That would work for a kid too, with an alarm reminder.
http://www.target.com/p/marathon-by-timex-strap-digital-sports-watch-blue/-/A-15035586#prodSlot=medium_1_11&term=sport+watch

Thanks! One would think I would have thought of this, but I had not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 10 yr old son is never home on time. For instance, he went to play at friends down the street- I told him be home by 12:30 to eat lunch and get to 1:30 hair cut... Finally at 1, i drive around to friends to find him. We bought him watch,etc. I get so frustrated. I told him from now on if we have any activity planned, he can't play those days because he can't be responsible and come home on time. I'm also thinking instead of saying for every 5 or 10 minutes he's late, he's grounded 1 hour.
Any thoughts or help on how to get him to be responsible?

He misses lunch, haircut, or whatever else was planned during the time he didn't come home.

If my kid thought he could miss the haircut and keep playing, just because he didn't come home, that would a reward.

[Anonymous]

For every minute my kid is late, that's a day she is grounded. She's only been grounded once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For every minute my kid is late, that's a day she is grounded. She's only been grounded once.

This is pretty strict. How old is your daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For every minute my kid is late, that's a day she is grounded. She's only been grounded once.

This is pretty strict. How old is your daughter?

She's 12 now, but that's been the rule since she was allowed out of the house by herself, around 5. I don't play around with time or knowing where my kid is. If you're playing five houses away and I told you to be home at 1pm, at 12:55 I damn well better see you running down the street towards home. If you're not home by 1:02 I go walk the route you'd have taken to get home, and I knock on the neighbor's door. If you're not there, we call the cops. I know someone whose child was kidnapped and another parent whose child was lost in the woods for a day and a half. Minutes matter. We do not screw around.

[Anonymous]

Presumably there is an adult supervising these activities and you have been in touch with this person to confirm they are okay with your son being with them. I would think most would be quite open to sending him home. Just give them the time to oust him.

Otherwise tell him you will take the preschool reminder approach and pin a note to his shirt that says, "If I am at your house at 12:30pm, please send me home."

[Anonymous]

He's 10. Tell the mother to send him home at a certain time or pick him up. A 10 yr old doesn't look at his watch while playing. He also doesn't know what an hour feels like vs 30 minutes. You are expecting too much.

[Anonymous]

I guess my 9 1/2 year-old is in the minority here but he never comes home late. He has a watch and uses it. i would be more than pissed at him if he were late like your son.

[Anonymous]

In my hood the parents text 'Send Jimmy home in 5', etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's 10. Tell the mother to send him home at a certain time or pick him up. A 10 yr old doesn't look at his watch while playing. He also doesn't know what an hour feels like vs 30 minutes. You are expecting too much.

Um, if your 10 year old can't tell the difference between 30 minutes and a hour, there's a problem.

All the kids know to be back when I said or they won't be allowed out for the rest of the day (under 8 and/or before noon), rest of the day and tomorrow (8-12 and/or between noon and 9pm), or the next three days (13+ and after 9pm). The rules are fairly relaxed, unless they lie to me about where they are going to be, are late coming home or were doing something they know isn't allowed.

The single time that I had to track down two kids was horrific for me, and the consequences were horrific for them. 8 year old boy and 7 year old girl, they were supposed to be riding around the block, coming back up our street, then going around the other block and they were supposed to be out for about another 30 minutes (with me glancing out the window as I finished the dishes. 15 minutes passed and they hadn't gone by for 10 minutes, I figured that they had stopped to talk to a friend, and they would be reminded that they weren't to stop unless they let me know first. 30 minutes, no kids. 45 minutes and I was dealing with the younger hooligans, getting them into bed, the 10 year old volunteered to watch them once I got them to sleep, but he knew they wouldn't go to sleep for him. I finally left the house about 45 minutes after the kids were supposed to be back, drove around both blocks, no kids. Getting worried, I called the police to help me search, we found both bikes with three other kids' bikes about half a mile away on the side of a ravine... We were calling for them, no kids responding. Finally, one of the cops saw the edge of a jacket in the bottom of the ravine; the kids were hiding because they knew they were going to be in trouble.

They both were sent to bed without a snack, since they had missed the time they normally were allowed fruit/veggies. Both sat on the couch all day the next day, they were only allowed to get up to use the bathroom, eat with the family, do schoolwork (homeschooling) or do chores. The following day, they were allowed to play in the "yard" (patch of dirt about 20'x25') just like their toddler brother, as long as I was out there or they stuck their heads in the house every five minutes. Two days of consistent timing and they were allowed to bike three houses up and three houses down, required to come talk to me every ten minutes. The 8 year old got smart and started coming a few minutes early, so I allowed him to go all the way up and down the block (somewhere between a sixth and a quarter of a mile), but the 7 year old was still barely on time. Eventually, they earned back the privileges, and there weren't any issues after that. I think it really struck them that it was serious when they weren't allowed to play in the "yard" without sticking their heads in every 5 minutes, even when I was watching out the window the whole time and they knew it.

[Anonymous]

I would call the mom, or just arrange to pick him up at X time. (I have a 9 year old and that is what I do.) Also, I would build more time in. If you need to leave at 12:30, he should leave his friends at noon. That way, if he isn't home at 12:15, you can both impose a consequence (no more playdates that week) AND make your haircut appointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For every minute my kid is late, that's a day she is grounded. She's only been grounded once.

This is pretty strict. How old is your daughter?

She's 12 now, but that's been the rule since she was allowed out of the house by herself, around 5. I don't play around with time or knowing where my kid is. If you're playing five houses away and I told you to be home at 1pm, at 12:55 I damn well better see you running down the street towards home. If you're not home by 1:02 I go walk the route you'd have taken to get home, and I knock on the neighbor's door. If you're not there, we call the cops. I know someone whose child was kidnapped and another parent whose child was lost in the woods for a day and a half. Minutes matter. We do not screw around.

oooooooooooooooooookay warden.

[Anonymous]

He's 10. Tell the mother to send him home at a certain time or pick him up. A 10 yr old doesn't look at his watch while playing. He also doesn't know what an hour feels like vs 30 minutes. You are expecting too much.


Um, if your 10 year old can't tell the difference between 30 minutes and a hour, there's a problem.

Hardly. I'm not the PP you're responding to but you don't seem to know how it feels when you're having fun. Time flies. It's not just kids who lose track of time when they're engaged in something, adults do it to. That's why I text when I want my kid to come home or send the timer with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess my 9 1/2 year-old is in the minority here but he never comes home late. He has a watch and uses it. i would be more than pissed at him if he were late like your son.

Your son is not that exceptional. The difference is that you found a system that works for your son and OP hasn't. The watch doesn't work for my son, but we have a system that does and he's never been late either. The point is that we have to teach our kids before we can just expect them to be successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

He's 10. Tell the mother to send him home at a certain time or pick him up. A 10 yr old doesn't look at his watch while playing. He also doesn't know what an hour feels like vs 30 minutes. You are expecting too much.


Um, if your 10 year old can't tell the difference between 30 minutes and a hour, there's a problem.

Hardly. I'm not the PP you're responding to but you don't seem to know how it feels when you're having fun. Time flies. It's not just kids who lose track of time when they're engaged in something, adults do it to. That's why I text when I want my kid to come home or send the timer with him.

No, the kids know how to read a digital clock by 4 and a normal clock by 6-7. They don't leave the house for extended periods of time without a watch, and they know how to use it. Being allowed to be responsible for themselves is a privilege, not a right. If I am required to keep track of time, I will walk or drive them to and from playdates.

My mother and all the parents I knew while growing up required that we wear watches and be responsible, I don't see why 20-30 years later kids should be capable of less responsibility.