How to discipline 10 year old who always comes home late

[Anonymous]

My 10 yr old son is never home on time. For instance, he went to play at friends down the street- I told him be home by 12:30 to eat lunch and get to 1:30 hair cut... Finally at 1, i drive around to friends to find him. We bought him watch,etc. I get so frustrated. I told him from now on if we have any activity planned, he can't play those days because he can't be responsible and come home on time. I'm also thinking instead of saying for every 5 or 10 minutes he's late, he's grounded 1 hour.
Any thoughts or help on how to get him to be responsible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 10 yr old son is never home on time. For instance, he went to play at friends down the street- I told him be home by 12:30 to eat lunch and get to 1:30 hair cut... Finally at 1, i drive around to friends to find him. We bought him watch,etc. I get so frustrated. I told him from now on if we have any activity planned, he can't play those days because he can't be responsible and come home on time. I'm also thinking instead of saying for every 5 or 10 minutes he's late, he's grounded 1 hour.
Any thoughts or help on how to get him to be responsible?

He misses lunch, haircut, or whatever else was planned during the time he didn't come home.

[Anonymous]

I think 10 is still very much in th "learning a sense of time" phase. Would you consider a watch with a timer feature, and before he leaves to play, you set the timer together?

If he doesn't come home even when there is a timer, then that is discipline worthy. But I think he probably needs a little more help learning how to keep track of time first.

[Anonymous]

I would only let him have play dates at home, according to my schedule, like a 4-8 year old.

When he can prove he is responsible you can try again.

[Anonymous]

I think you're expecting too much (assuming he's not willful). We have kids going around to each other's houses in our neighborhood. When someone needs to leave by a certain time, they ask the parent of the house they're at to set a timer. My 12 yo now has a watch with a built in timer. He sets it before he leaves our house because once he's somewhere else and engaged in something, he's unmindful of the time. Now, if he ignores the beeping (which he hasn't), that would be a different story.

[Anonymous]

Get him a cell phone and call/text him to get home now.

[Anonymous]

Take away something that he really likes when he is late. For example, take away an hour of screen time every time he is late.

[Anonymous]

When I want my 10yo to come home, I text the mother of the kid he's playing with to send him home. There's no way he'd come home on time if I told him to come home at a certain time - his mind is on playing with his friends, not checking the time.

[Anonymous]

I like the advice to set a timer, or get him a simple phone that you can call. Basically, set him up for success, and THEN bring down the hammer if he screws up. But first make sure he has the tools to succeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I want my 10yo to come home, I text the mother of the kid he's playing with to send him home. There's no way he'd come home on time if I told him to come home at a certain time - his mind is on playing with his friends, not checking the time.

Unless the watch has a timer--either audible or the vibrating kind--I think it's hard for a kid involved in playing with friends to have the level of maturity to keep checking the time on their own.
If AFTER the timer is being set, and he is just flat out ignoring it, then you can start thinking about consequences.

[Anonymous]

Come up with a new strategy. The watch doesn't work for your son, so find something that does. I found devices with alarms work best for one of mine. Also, I've found that for one, it doesn't work to say "be home by ___". Rather, I need to say "leave your friend's house no later than ______". I'm now working with him to figure out when he needs to leave when I want him home by a certain time. Also, we're working on a new strategy for leaving the pool on time because I don't want him taking devices to the pool.

It doesn't seem fair to punish if you haven't taught him how to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 10 yr old son is never home on time. For instance, he went to play at friends down the street- I told him be home by 12:30 to eat lunch and get to 1:30 hair cut... Finally at 1, i drive around to friends to find him. We bought him watch,etc. I get so frustrated. I told him from now on if we have any activity planned, he can't play those days because he can't be responsible and come home on time. I'm also thinking instead of saying for every 5 or 10 minutes he's late, he's grounded 1 hour.
Any thoughts or help on how to get him to be responsible?

So you want your 10 year old to be mindful enough while playing with a friend to stop playing at 12:25 to be home by 12:30? I think you are expecting too much. I agree with PPs, buy a watch with a timer, and set it to the appropriate time so that when the timer goes off, it is time to go home. I would also text the parent as a back up.

I think instead of grounding for something like this at this age, you should teach him how to get home on time (which is what you are after, right?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I want my 10yo to come home, I text the mother of the kid he's playing with to send him home. There's no way he'd come home on time if I told him to come home at a certain time - his mind is on playing with his friends, not checking the time.

Same with my son. He has a watch but unless a timer went off when he needed to leave, he wouldn't come home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get him a cell phone and call/text him to get home now.

There is no way I would get my 10 year old a cell phone. OP, I think your expectations are unrealistic. My 10 year old DS would have no concept of time or self-monitoring in this way. He is learning, but still makes a lot of mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Come up with a new strategy. The watch doesn't work for your son, so find something that does. I found devices with alarms work best for one of mine. Also, I've found that for one, it doesn't work to say "be home by ___". Rather, I need to say "leave your friend's house no later than ______". I'm now working with him to figure out when he needs to leave when I want him home by a certain time. Also, we're working on a new strategy for leaving the pool on time because I don't want him taking devices to the pool.

It doesn't seem fair to punish if you haven't taught him how to do it.

I normally wear an inexpensive waterproof sport watch to the pool because I don't like to bring my phone. That would work for a kid too, with an alarm reminder.
http://www.target.com/p/marathon-by-timex-strap-digital-sports-watch-blue/-/A-15035586#prodSlot=medium_1_11&term=sport+watch