not talking about kid during dates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get what Op is trying to say. I love my kids and they're an enormous part of me and of my story but I defiitely have an identity beyond them and that's what i try to convey on my dates. This does not mean I am trying to hide them or that I bypass answering in ways that dont mention them. If asked what i did for the weekend and the weekened involved my kids, then i bring that up. If i find that I have nothing to say beyond stories of my kids, then I reassess ME.

I think OP is saying something different than you are. She talks about trying to avoid talking about him, and it being hard because of questions like where you do you live, what did you do last weekend, etc. It sounds like you're comfortable mentioning your children, you just don't focus on them. That's sensible and healthy for early dating.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I actually was asking for advice on what 11:40 was discussing. I do mention my son on or before the first date. I just don't want to dwell on him (a) because the date -- especially a first one -- should not be primarily about him and (b) I find that it can ruin the chemistry, if I talk about him too much. So my question was about tips for not talking about him too much, as I sometimes find myself doing that. I fully agree we're a package deal, but in an early date, I primarily want to see if there is any possibility of a connection. (Fwiw, I'm a single dad, not a single mom.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I actually was asking for advice on what 11:40 was discussing. I do mention my son on or before the first date. I just don't want to dwell on him (a) because the date -- especially a first one -- should not be primarily about him and (b) I find that it can ruin the chemistry, if I talk about him too much. So my question was about tips for not talking about him too much, as I sometimes find myself doing that. I fully agree we're a package deal, but in an early date, I primarily want to see if there is any possibility of a connection. (Fwiw, I'm a single dad, not a single mom.)

Well, what else do you have to talk about? Do you have any hobbies? Are you into a particular kind of music or books? The key to finding ways not to talk about him too much is to have other things in your life you can talk about as well that you're also engaged by and enthusiastic about. If you don't have anything like that, perhaps it would be good to find something, dating or not.

[Anonymous]

You should definitely tell her/him so they know. I would not go out with anyone who was divorced with a child. Way too much baggage.

[Anonymous]

It's also possible that you talk about your child too much on dates because the guys you're dating aren't good conversationalists and they aren't giving you much to work with. With some people, it can feel forced. And you feel the need to fill the empty space by talking, and you might default to talking about your kid.

Ideally, you and your date have some common ground, and both of your are socially adept enough to find it!