Would you host your BIL's guests?

[Anonymous]

If I had three empty bedrooms, I would gladly host them. In a heartbeat. They are going to be family. But maybe that is because my in laws have always welcomed my family with open arms.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would. My BIL (husband's brother) is akin to my own brother. His wife-to-be will be my SIL. The aunt of my own kids. Absolutely.

However, I am also from a culture where family and hosting is very important. I would be considered very lacking in social graces if I did not host. Besides, we consider a marriage as between two families rather than two individuals.

Would I be inconvenienced to host them? Yes, sure. Even when people drop in for a drink, it is an inconvenience because you have to clean up your house, dress up, provide refreshments, clean up after they leave etc.

However, if you do not want to be inconvenienced about anything, then you should become a hermit and not socialize at all.

[Anonymous]

I assume that this would save them a ton of $ and trouble - though I dunno why they didn't ask earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. What you haven't written is coming through very clearly. Ouch. I bet you don't even think you are lonely in your big empty house.

Ugh. Anyone who would write that statement would be too much trouble to have in my house. You are not entitled to stay at another person's house - especially if they have never met you and they have work and their kids have school to go to and tests to take in the morning.

[Anonymous]

I would probably not host the fiances bridal party. These are random people and even if they are related to the fiance, they aren't related to me and wont be after the marriage. Not sure why everyone is refering to them as family.

[Anonymous]

This is OP.

A couple of reasons :

1. I am an introvert. I get drained by social encounters and energized by solitary. I socialize easily especially in neutral venues but I strongly prefer not to.

2. When I have gone for destination weddings I have always booked a hotel

3. I have a very strict routine with a severely disabled family member that I take care of 24/7. Hosting would throw my routine off which would make me anxious and in return would compromise the care to the sick family member.

4. My inlaws have not been supportive so I guess I am somewhat resentful. They have however done a few kind gestures in the past, so I am willing to compromise all the above and host if majority of you think hosting is the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP.

A couple of reasons :

1. I am an introvert. I get drained by social encounters and energized by solitary. I socialize easily especially in neutral venues but I strongly prefer not to.

2. When I have gone for destination weddings I have always booked a hotel

3. I have a very strict routine with a severely disabled family member that I take care of 24/7. Hosting would throw my routine off which would make me anxious and in return would compromise the care to the sick family member.

4. My inlaws have not been supportive so I guess I am somewhat resentful. They have however done a few kind gestures in the past, so I am willing to compromise all the above and host if majority of you think hosting is the right thing to do.

Op - I think you have a ton on your plate already. Only you can decide whether or not you are up for this. It's only for 2 days, true. But it's 2 days with complete strangers and that won't be easy. On the upside you will get the opportunity to get to know your SIL...assuming that her time is not monopolized by her wedding party. You may have some good conversations with her, you may barely have 2 seconds of her undivided attention. Hard to say.

[Anonymous]

What's the story with the disabled family member? That would decide it for me. Apart from that, I'd host.

[Anonymous]

No. People get on my nerves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP.

A couple of reasons :

1. I am an introvert. I get drained by social encounters and energized by solitary. I socialize easily especially in neutral venues but I strongly prefer not to.

2. When I have gone for destination weddings I have always booked a hotel

3. I have a very strict routine with a severely disabled family member that I take care of 24/7. Hosting would throw my routine off which would make me anxious and in return would compromise the care to the sick family member.

4. My inlaws have not been supportive so I guess I am somewhat resentful. They have however done a few kind gestures in the past, so I am willing to compromise all the above and host if majority of you think hosting is the right thing to do.

OP, all of your messages are "I," "me," "my".... Where's the "we," "us," "our" in all of this? Is your husband going to be out of town the nights you have been asked to host? Are you really being asked to do this singlehandly? Does your husband have an opinion about hosting his family members and their closest friends? Can he help pitch in so that you do not compromise on care of your other relative??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP.

A couple of reasons :

1. I am an introvert. I get drained by social encounters and energized by solitary. I socialize easily especially in neutral venues but I strongly prefer not to.

2. When I have gone for destination weddings I have always booked a hotel

3. I have a very strict routine with a severely disabled family member that I take care of 24/7. Hosting would throw my routine off which would make me anxious and in return would compromise the care to the sick family member.

4. My inlaws have not been supportive so I guess I am somewhat resentful. They have however done a few kind gestures in the past, so I am willing to compromise all the above and host if majority of you think hosting is the right thing to do.

This would make me hesitate. Is there some way you can let them stay there but not really host? "Sure you can use the rooms etc. but I won't be available to really be a host. The care of my family member has to take precedence."

[Anonymous]

Do you need to host? They will likely be busy an just need a place to crash/ Shower. Or have your spouse pick up on the hosting part so you can continue your routine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP.

A couple of reasons :

1. I am an introvert. I get drained by social encounters and energized by solitary. I socialize easily especially in neutral venues but I strongly prefer not to.

2. When I have gone for destination weddings I have always booked a hotel

3. I have a very strict routine with a severely disabled family member that I take care of 24/7. Hosting would throw my routine off which would make me anxious and in return would compromise the care to the sick family member.

4. My inlaws have not been supportive so I guess I am somewhat resentful. They have however done a few kind gestures in the past, so I am willing to compromise all the above and host if majority of you think hosting is the right thing to do.

OP, all of your messages are "I," "me," "my".... Where's the "we," "us," "our" in all of this? Is your husband going to be out of town the nights you have been asked to host? Are you really being asked to do this singlehandly? Does your husband have an opinion about hosting his family members and their closest friends? Can he help pitch in so that you do not compromise on care of your other relative??

My DH is the one who is severely disabled. He is letting me decide if we should host or not. He is however concerned that I might get very burnt out during the visit and after the visit because of the clean up and all, which would obviously compromise his care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP.

A couple of reasons :

1. I am an introvert. I get drained by social encounters and energized by solitary. I socialize easily especially in neutral venues but I strongly prefer not to.

2. When I have gone for destination weddings I have always booked a hotel

3. I have a very strict routine with a severely disabled family member that I take care of 24/7. Hosting would throw my routine off which would make me anxious and in return would compromise the care to the sick family member.

4. My inlaws have not been supportive so I guess I am somewhat resentful. They have however done a few kind gestures in the past, so I am willing to compromise all the above and host if majority of you think hosting is the right thing to do.

OP, all of your messages are "I," "me," "my".... Where's the "we," "us," "our" in all of this? Is your husband going to be out of town the nights you have been asked to host? Are you really being asked to do this singlehandly? Does your husband have an opinion about hosting his family members and their closest friends? Can he help pitch in so that you do not compromise on care of your other relative??

My DH is the one who is severely disabled. He is letting me decide if we should host or not. He is however concerned that I might get very burnt out during the visit and after the visit because of the clean up and all, which would obviously compromise his care.

Knowing this why on earth would your BIL make this request in the first place?

[Anonymous]

If your DH is severely disabled, you should speak frankly with your ILs.

Let them know that you are happy to let them use the 3 bedrooms for the bridal party, however, they need to help you to get the house in order to host and they need to take care of the meals if that is a concern. Even is they get a maid service to clean up your house after these people leave, it will be significantly cheaper than the cost of 3 hotel rooms.