Need to gracefully end financial support

[Anonymous]

OP, I find this really interesting. Please come back and tell us how it went.

[Anonymous]

Man, your SIL has balls. Especially the part about how she's nervous about the quality of the public schools you send your kids to! OMG!

[Anonymous]

Op here. In laws announced they are going to pick up next year. Crisis averted for me! Whew.

[Anonymous]

You say, "Don't worry. We've had a great experience at the public schools. I know it'll be nerve-wracking the beginning, but the kids will transition fine. And we're happy to help."

[Anonymous]

OP - In any case it should have been your husband telling his brother or sister simply it was a gift and wanted to let you know so you would have time to make plans. He still may want to say it so they do not come back next time this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SIL is now dropping hints how they don't know what to do because they still don't have the means for Catholic school but are afraid to use public schools.

I'm so glad that we were able to help the kids avoid having to change schools in the middle of the school year. The transition will be much easier starting fresh as the beginning of a school year.

[Anonymous]

Your DH needs to talk to his brother privately. He can use whatever method or tone he thinks works best for his relatiI ship with his brother. If after that his wife is still making comments then maybe she is just venting.

[Anonymous]

Oh boy, here is another one who has jumped headfirst into other people's business and is now in a pickle for no reason. Absolutely do not under any circumstances land or give them any more money. And take this as a lesson: once money is involved, it is a business transaction. Family and business do not go together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh boy, here is another one who has jumped headfirst into other people's business and is now in a pickle for no reason. Absolutely do not under any circumstances land or give them any more money. And take this as a lesson: once money is involved, it is a business transaction. Family and business do not go together.

you really did not read OP's post. this was not a business transaction, it was a one time gift to a family member in distress. it would be difficult if OP gave the money expecting to get it back (bad idea), but this was a gift outright, so no problem.

[Anonymous]

they haven't asked so don't offer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. In laws announced they are going to pick up next year. Crisis averted for me! Whew.

So much enabling in that family! Send those kids to public school if you can't afford private, people! Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:" Hi SIL, OP here. Just wanted to see if you had any questions for me about the public schools. As you know, (kids names) have had a great experience. I would be glad to help ease the transition to public if you think I can help."

Something like that makes it clear you are not offering to pay private school again, but is a nice offer to help transition to public.

This. You've been beyond generous. Enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh boy, here is another one who has jumped headfirst into other people's business and is now in a pickle for no reason. Absolutely do not under any circumstances land or give them any more money. And take this as a lesson: once money is involved, it is a business transaction. Family and business do not go together.

you really did not read OP's post. this was not a business transaction, it was a one time gift to a family member in distress. it would be difficult if OP gave the money expecting to get it back (bad idea), but this was a gift outright, so no problem.

Wrong. Any time money is involved, you have a transaction whether or not you realize it. The dispassion and common sense with which you should approach business transactions rarely work well with family, hence why you should mix family and money only with the greatest reluctance. OP might have intended a gift, but human beings grow entitled very quickly. Having learnt the joys of freeloading, OP's relatives are not going to be eager to go back to living within their means. Last year they reached into OP's pockets, this year is the grandparents, next year, the hunt will be on for some other sucker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say a word. If she has the balls to straight up ask you for tuition money, I would remind her then that it was a one time float so the kids could finish out the year and you won't be paying future costs. Let her scramble!

This is so passive-aggressive and unhealthy. That is not how you treat family, even family that is making obnoxious assumptions about your willingness to pay for their kids' schools indefinitely.

Grown ups who are trying to do the right thing actually communicate. Someone else said it best: "So how is your search for a public school going? Or have you and BIL found a way to pay yourselves for private school? DH and I were glad we could help you out so the kids didn't have to transfer mid-year from their school, but given that we don't even send our own kids to private school, we know you must understand we can't pay anymore. Since our kids go to public here, do you have any questions or is there any info I can help you with?"

It's immature and unwise to know people are hinting and maybe even assuming you're going to do something (even if the assumption is totally unreasonable) and not just nip it in the bud so everyone can move on. THere are kids affected by this. If their parents aren't good planners, why help the parents extend the poor planning by being complicit in not just asking about public schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man, your SIL has balls. Especially the part about how she's nervous about the quality of the public schools you send your kids to! OMG!

This. 1,000 percent this!!