When to stop chasing a woman?

[Anonymous]

Wow. This woman must be amazing OP! Perhaps a keeper...??!

Anyway, what you are suspecting is probably true. She is probably dating a few guys along with you so for her it isn't a HUGE priority to keep your relationship active on a regular basis.

Or perhaps she just doesn't want to be exclusive with anyone as of yet.

What I think is missing here is some good ol' fashioned communication. Be frank with her, let her know you like her and that you really enjoy spending time with her. See what she says.

This would be a far better approach than making and cancelling dates.

You say you do not want to play these games at your age, but you are masterminding some of the game-playing yourself.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

You sound too old for games.

1. Check to see if her online profile is still up.

2. Talk to her. Tell her that you're interested in exclusivity and ask if that's what she wants. You can admit you've had doubts because she didn't seem very interEstes. Then give specific examples.

3. I'm a woman who operates much in the same way she appears to. I could genuinely like the guy, adore him even, look forward to our dates, get giddy at every text he sends, feel really good about him and our relationship-cherished even....but not initiate the 1st text/call after the date (even as I continue to bask in its after glow). Why? Because I'm busy with life-work, kids, working out, errands, cooking, etc. BUT I appreciate the guy and the fun/balance he brings to what would be an otherwise affectionate-less, boring existence. Secretly I may long for the date that he finally asks to become exclusive. Believe me, I've gushed profusely to my friends about him.

If she wasn't interested, you'd know.

Sounds like she's following your lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound too old for games.

1. Check to see if her online profile is still up.

2. Talk to her. Tell her that you're interested in exclusivity and ask if that's what she wants. You can admit you've had doubts because she didn't seem very interEstes. Then give specific examples.

3. I'm a woman who operates much in the same way she appears to. I could genuinely like the guy, adore him even, look forward to our dates, get giddy at every text he sends, feel really good about him and our relationship-cherished even....but not initiate the 1st text/call after the date (even as I continue to bask in its after glow). Why? Because I'm busy with life-work, kids, working out, errands, cooking, etc. BUT I appreciate the guy and the fun/balance he brings to what would be an otherwise affectionate-less, boring existence. Secretly I may long for the date that he finally asks to become exclusive. Believe me, I've gushed profusely to my friends about him.

If she wasn't interested, you'd know.

Sounds like she's following your lead.

PS: Making and canceling dates would make you appear to be a jerk while she likely thinks you're Mr. Wonderful.

Games like that are a sure fire way to get me to leave you alone for good. The worst thing a man can prove himself to be is someone whose word I cannot trust-especially on the dating stage when you're trying to weed out guys with character flaws.

[Anonymous]

She is jus playing you. It's time to move on or play the game. Cancel the date, go radio silent. This is not 1950.

[Anonymous]

Women are wowed by strong men who know what they want. Tell her. Only boys play this kind of game. I had a policy of dropping any man who cancelled a date without a really good reason (childcare emergency, accident, funeral). Man the fridoodle up!

[Anonymous]

OP, talk to her? I was burned badly by a guy I ended up being crazy about. I assumed we were exclusive, and he got annoyed when I pushed him on that. Wish I'd just had the courage to have that discussion so I wouldn't have gotten so badly hurt.

Don't play games. Man up and discuss.

[Anonymous]

Just ask her about it. What's the worse that could happen? Tell you she doesn't want to get serious? If that's her answer, than at least you know outright that she's not that into you. If you cancel the date and she doesn't call, you may wonder if she backed off because you backed off, yadda yadda yadda. It sounds like you want something serious so don't risk a potential good relationship by playing childish games.

[Anonymous]

Ugghh...another "what do I do?"

TALK!!!

Communication people - it can be pretty effective in most instances why don't you use it sometimes.

If you honestly think that gathering a consensus of sweeping assumptions from anonymous people online about men or about women or about dating or about sex and basically making life decisions based on broad generalizations is a better idea than simply opening your frigging mouth and talking to the person that you have questions, concerns, or uncertainties about...sigh...what can I say...please don't procreate.

[Anonymous]

hey OP, what happened?

[Anonymous]

Oh no, don't play games. There is no "upper hand". If you cancel your date out of the blue and for jo reason she will sense something is up and suddenly there will be "issues" and uncertainty. And it could have the opposite effect; she will pick up on your insecurity and pull away. Or she could assume you've lost interest or met someone else and will pull away.

Don't cancel the date unless you don't want to see her anymore. Try texting more, not less and see how she reacts.
Question: are you texting her and get radio silence or just a quick, flat response? If that's the case then I'd open yourself up to dating other people, too.

No offense but this kind of game playing, bred from insecurity is a real turn-off. She wouldn't be continuing to date you and certainly wouldn't be expressing physical affection if she weren't interested.

[Anonymous]

Oh no, don't play games. There is no "upper hand". If you cancel your date out of the blue and for jo reason she will sense something is up and suddenly there will be "issues" and uncertainty. And it could have the opposite effect; she will pick up on your insecurity and pull away. Or she could assume you've lost interest or met someone else and will pull away.

Don't cancel the date unless you don't want to see her anymore. Try texting more, not less and see how she reacts.
Question: are you texting her and get radio silence or just a quick, flat response? If that's the case then I'd open yourself up to dating other people, too.

No offense but this kind of game playing, bred from insecurity is a real turn-off. She wouldn't be continuing to date you and certainly wouldn't be expressing physical affection if she weren't interested

No this is wrong. She is playing games with you. What adult does not reach out and contact someone they want to spend time with. Dump this child and find an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You sound too old for games.

1. Check to see if her online profile is still up.

2. Talk to her. Tell her that you're interested in exclusivity and ask if that's what she wants. You can admit you've had doubts because she didn't seem very interEstes. Then give specific examples.

3. I'm a woman who operates much in the same way she appears to. I could genuinely like the guy, adore him even, look forward to our dates, get giddy at every text he sends, feel really good about him and our relationship-cherished even....but not initiate the 1st text/call after the date (even as I continue to bask in its after glow). Why? Because I'm busy with life-work, kids, working out, errands, cooking, etc. BUT I appreciate the guy and the fun/balance he brings to what would be an otherwise affectionate-less, boring existence. Secretly I may long for the date that he finally asks to become exclusive. Believe me, I've gushed profusely to my friends about him.

If she wasn't interested, you'd know.

Sounds like she's following your lead.


PS: Making and canceling dates would make you appear to be a jerk while she likely thinks you're Mr. Wonderful.

Games like that are a sure fire way to get me to leave you alone for good. The worst thing a man can prove himself to be is someone whose word I cannot trust-especially on the dating stage when you're trying to weed out guys with character flaws.

What are you talking about? He has been on many many dates with this woman and she does not care enough to reach out to him. The girl is playing the field and most likely has a long term boyfriend. This guy is just being used. How do you tell that....when she makes no effort at all.
OP listen to this poster"trying to weed out guys"....that my friend is you....one of the many....guarantee she is sleeping with one of the others! Lot more fish in the sea...find one that treats you with respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that she is likely dating other people. I met her on an online dating site, and I am well aware that women get multiple guys contacting them every day. With that kind of volume, there is always something better around the corner, so why not wait things out, play the field, and enjoy all of these guys chasing me.

So anyway, I am going to cancel this weekend's plans to regain the upper hand and I have no doubt this will get her wondering. Start seeing other people and put her way on the back burner. I just refuse to be a pawn and be played the fool. It's just so confusing because our dates are great and we have great chemistry.

Give me advice. How long does the guy have to chase the girl before the girl starts to reciprocate a bit? Initiate contact, suggest dates, etc. I have never had to go to these lengths before.

Yes, very likely she is seeing several people.

I had a bit of a crush on a woman who I think liked me OK, though in hindsight I came to see that I revealed something very early on which was a bit of a dealbreaker for her (she's deeply religious and I'm essentially an atheist). She liked me though and I had a crush on her. I let it drag on for...I dunno, 6-7 dates? Then I pressed hard once for a kiss, and she reacted like she was kissing her brother.

What I learned: if you aren't to the point of an obvious expression of interest after three dates, drop the rope. If she picks it up, fine, you know she was shy; otherwise, don't waste your time. I think you're past that point already. Cancel, don't contact her again, and don't expect to hear from her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. I get that women liked to be pursued. But the one I am currently dating seems to take it to the max. And I am about to the point of backing off. We have great dates. Fun, non-stop conversation, and plenty of physical affection. From the beginning, I have been very assertive. Called her instead of texting. Set up all the dates with firm plans. I've made it very clear that I am going after what I want. But after dates, I am always the first one to text (the next day) saying how I had a good time, blah, blah. She faithfully responds back saying she had fun. And then silence until we start planning the next date. In the past, not only has the woman sent the initial text or e-mail after a date, but then also have some sort of contact in between dates. A simple checking in, or maybe passing along a link related to something we had talked about. A message saying how she is looking forward to seeing me again. But with this one, nothing.

Normally I would have assumed by now that that she was just uninterested and I would've moved on. But because our dates are great and fun, I have continued. But I am considering cancelling our date for this weekend just to regain some kind of upper hand here. At some point the guy does need some sort of validation from the girl that the chase is worth it. I did this one other time. Suggested we do something the next weekend but I never set anything up. And come Friday evening, here came a text asking if we were still getting together that weekend. And that's all the validation I needed to know she was interested. I hate playing games like this (especially at my age), but I am fighting fire with fire. I am not going to be played the fool by keep chasing her with no end. For all I know I could be shelling out money for these dates while she is screwing other guys later than night.

My guess is that she is likely dating other people. I met her on an online dating site, and I am well aware that women get multiple guys contacting them every day. With that kind of volume, there is always something better around the corner, so why not wait things out, play the field, and enjoy all of these guys chasing me.

So anyway, I am going to cancel this weekend's plans to regain the upper hand and I have no doubt this will get her wondering. Start seeing other people and put her way on the back burner. I just refuse to be a pawn and be played the fool. It's just so confusing because our dates are great and we have great chemistry.

Give me advice. How long does the guy have to chase the girl before the girl starts to reciprocate a bit? Initiate contact, suggest dates, etc. I have never had to go to these lengths before.

Are you two having sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
PS: Making and canceling dates would make you appear to be a jerk while she likely thinks you're Mr. Wonderful.

No it wouldn't. It would teach her to pick up the effort, if she really does think he's Mr. Wonderful.