I wish my husband and I were friends again

[Anonymous]

OP, having been through this, my guess is that with your youngest at 2.5 you are almost through this period. I'd say just keep making an effort to say connected, and by this time next year things will be way better.

[Anonymous]

We went thought this patch too. I never realized that part of the hard work of a marriage was remembering how to have fun with your spouse! Should be easy right? I agree with cards (gin, rummy, even Uno are fun silly games). Around that time we really made a commitment to each other to save the last 30 minutes of the evening (after the kids went to bed) to just hang out in bed. We'd get into our pjs lie next to each there and just chat. I did help. When the kids get older it really does get a lot easier.

[Anonymous]

You are going to come out of this spot soon, OP. The littlest kid will sleep through the night, the oldest will be putting himself to bed, and things just look brighter.

My DH is my best friend, too, and I am certainly his. We missed each other (and weren't very kind to each other) for the first 2-3 years of my child's life. But we came out of it! We still need to make time to talk, and remember not to retreat into our own heads too much. We like to play scrabble together, which we did while we were dating, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you tried playing cards? I know it sounds cheesy but DH and I have a drink and play cards on Friday nights, and it really takes the pressure off conversation.

I have not. He's been asking me to teach him to play. Which games do you play?

We play cribbage, but it doesn't really matter what you play. If he's asking, make it happen-- he's offering an avenue of connection to you!

[Anonymous]

I've mentioned this here before, but now that the kids are a little older - and old enough to leave at home alone for limited times - my favorite part of the day is, after dinner, walking the dog with my wife. (No kids). Just 20-40 minutes to stroll and chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is the answer, OP. Do something NEW together. Couples need new shared experiences. And keep in mind that you've been going through the most demanding and marriage-killing phase of your life, which will eventually ease up, but meanwhile you have to keep perspective, keep positive, and do what you can to keep things going until you both have more energy and time for each other. Your husband sounds wonderful.

This has really given a boost to our marriage this year. We set a goal (learning to sail), figured out when we were going to do it, arranged care for the kids for a short stint, and just DID it. Now we talk about it a lot, plan for our next outing, etc. It's been a huge shift for us. It also opened up a daily conversation channel and we are now chatting more about our days at work, friendship things, and other stuff going on. Even just planning a vacation together last year created an opening for us for more conversation.

[Anonymous]

What about your sex life? It's really the tie that binds a couple in a relationship. There is no substitute for intimacy.

[Anonymous]

Do you eat dinner together every night? This can really be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Play "Cards against Humanity while eating some pizza and beer together. There is no better bonding experience.
It is so fun.

[Anonymous]

DH and I are best friends after nearly 30 years together. We love to play cards (gin rummy) and we also took up scuba diving together. When the kids were little, we had date nights at home in front of the fireplace. I think your instincts are good that you should carve out time together.

[Anonymous]

You have children...your relationship has changed...it will not be the way it was until it is just the two of you...then...you will need to start on it only being you and him a couple of years before your last child exits the family home.

Now, that doesn't mean you can't have your times, just that it is unrealistic to roll it back as if....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've been together 8 years. We have a 5 year old and a 2.5 year old. Our problem is that we just don't talk anymore. We've tried date nights, but they are usually forced fun; it doesn't come natural. He believes that he is a great husband because he cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids etc. And he does do that. We have about a 60/40 split on housework and a 40/60 split on childcare. All of that works. In his eyes, that should make me happy. I tell him that I really do appreciate what he does, but I would rather have my best friend back than a clean house. I think that work+2 small kids+ life's stress has taken a toll and we don't know how to turn a new page.

If he's a good provider, I think you should just shut up OP. Read the other threads.

[Anonymous]

We have a Saturday morning babysitter (not every week) and it's awesome. We work out together and then sit and talk over iced tea. It's a lot better for me than "date night", which just makes me feel pressured and I'm too tired at night anyway. And less expensive too! Get a babysitter and just spend some low-key time together without interruptions.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are best friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband should not be your 'best friend'. That mentality will wear down a marriage like no other. Find a female BFF and let your husband be your husband. Trust me, it will save you from divorce.

Really? My dh is my best friend. He's hilarious and fun and I love spending time with him. Isn't that a good marriage?

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